TOXIC

                                                         TOXIC RELATIVES

                       WHAT DO YOU DO IF YOU HAPPEN TO HAVE TOXIC RELATIVES? OBVIOUSLY, THIS IS A TOUCHY ISSUE. WHAT I'M GOING TO SEGGEST IS THAT YOU DON'T TURN YOUR BACK ON YOUR FAMILY MEMBERS. FAMILY TIES ARE PRECIOUS, AND I THINK WE MUST MAKE EVERY EFFORT TO MAINTAIN HARMONIOUS FAMILY RELATIONSHIPS.

                      EVEN SO, I RECOMMEND THAT YOU PUT SOME CONTROLS IN PLACE THAT REDUCE THE IMPACT YOUR TOXIC RELATIVES HAVE ON YOUR LIFE. YOU'RE NOT ABANDONING THEM OR REFUSING TO SPEAK WITH THEM, BUT YOU ARE PUTTING SOME LIMITS ON YOUR INVOLVEMENT WITH THEM.

                      FOR EXAMPLE, IF YOU HAVE NEGATIVE RELATIVES, I SUGGEST THAT YOU DON'T GO OUT OF YOUR WAY TO CALL THEM ON THE PHONE SEVERAL TIMES EACH DAY IF YOU KNOW THEY'RE GOING TO PUT YOU DOWN OR CRITICIZE YOUR EVERY MOVE. WHAT GOOD CAN POSSIBLY COME FROM THAT? WE GET BOMBARED WITH ENOUGH NEGATIVETY AS IT IS---- JUST TURN ON THE RADIO OR TV OR READ A NEWSPAPER. DO WE NEED OUR RELATIVES TO PROVIDE EVEN MORE NEGATIVE NEWS? I DON'T THINK SO!

                      AND HERE'S ANOTHER SUGGESTION THAT WILL WORK EQUALLY WELL WHETHER YOU'RE TALKING WITH A FRIEND OR A RELATIVE, WHEN THE DISCUSSION MOVE TO A NEGATIVE SUBJECT, RESIST THE TEMPLATION TO ACCUSE THE OTHER PERSON OF BEING NEGATIVE. THAT WILL USUALLY MAKES THINGS EVEN WORSE. INSTEAD, GENTLY SHIFT THE CONVERSATION TO A MORE POSITIVE TOPIC. 

                     REMEMBER THAT I'M NOT ASKING YOU TO DISOWN YOUR RELATIVES OR REFUSE TO ATTEND FAMILY FUNCTIONS. THIS IS ABOUT LIMITING YOUR CONTACTS WITH NEGATIVE RELATIVES SO YOU DON'T GET DRAGGED DOWN TO THEIR LEVEL!