STOP PLEASING AND LEARN TO SAY "NO"

                                  🙏WHEN YOU HAVE TO PLEASE🙏

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                        WE ARE ALL SURROUNDED BY A CLUSTER OF RELATIONSHIPS- IN ADDITION TO OUR OWN FAMILY, THERE ARE EXTENDED FAMILY MEMBERS, FRIENDS, COLLEAGUES, BUSINESS ASSOCIATES, ACQUAINTANCES, SERVICE PROVIDERS, NEIGHBOURS,CLUB MEMBERS, AND SO ON. IF YOU ARE A GOOD PERSON AT HEART AND HAVE NOT FELT THE PRESSURE OF TIME CRUNCH YET, I AM CAUTIONING YOU - BE PRPARED TO FACE IT SOONER OR LATER.

                       YOU MIGHT WISH TO BE AVAILABLE TO ONE AND ALL WHEN THEY ASK FOR FAVOURS OR HELP FROM YOU. YOU MIGHT FEEL THAT YOU CAN MANAGE IT AND THAT IT IS NOT A BIG DEAL BUT MORE PEOPLE WILL CONTINUE TO COME FOR YOUR HELP. ONE DAY, SUDDENLY, YOU WILL REALISE THAT YOUR LIFE IS A MESS AND THAT YOU DO NOT HAVE ADEQUATE TIME FOR YOU OWN FAMILY OR FOR THINGS MORE IMPORTANT TO YOU.

                  YOU WILL BE SOMEBODY ELSE' AGENDA, BUT, WHAT ABOUT YOUR OWN ? IF YOU ARE PART OF A LARGE ORGANISATION OR FAMILY. YOU WILL KEEP COMING ACROSS HELP SEEKERS FREQUENTLY, AND IF YOU START PLEASING EVERYBODY, YOU WILL ONLY REMAIN AS A TASKMASTER HELPING EVERYBODY COMPLETE THEIR JOBS. YOU WILL BE STRANDED WAITING TO FIND SOME TIME FOR YOURSELF, WHICH WILL NEVER COME.

                  YOU MAY ASK HOW I KNOW THIS - YES, YOU GUESSED IT RIGHT - I WAS ONCE IN THAT SITUATION. I SPEND MOST OF MY TIME PLEASING MY SUBORDINATES, PEERS, AND BOSSES (NOT FOR RISING HIGHER IN THE ORGANISATION, JUST TO FEEL GREAT ABOUT MYSELF ), I WAS PART OF A LARGE ORGANISATION SO YOUCAN IMAGINE THE AMOUNT OF TIME I HAD TO INVEST. I SPENT ENDLESS NIGHTS/WEEKENDS/HOLIDAYS TO PLEASE PEOPLE. IT COULD BE GENUINELY REQUIRED SOMETIMES BUT MOSTLY WAS TO BE NICE TO OTHERS,

                  I SACRIFICED TIME WITH MY FAMILY MORE OFTEN THAN NECESSARY, AND IT WAS BY NO MEANS WORTH IT. MAYBE YOU ARE NOT IN A SIMILAR SITUATIOJ OR MAYBE YOUR WORK CIRCLE IS LIMITED AND YOU ARE NOT PART OF A LARGE ORGANISATION - IF SO, THAN GOD!

                 THERE ARE OTHER PEOPLE WHO ARE NOT PART OF LARGE ORGANISATIONS BUT HAVE WIDE SOCIAL CIRCLES - THEY HAVE TOO MANY FRIENDS WHOM THEY TRY TO PLEASE ALL THE TIME. MANY FEMALE READERS MIGHT RELATE TO THIS. I HAVE SEEN A NUMBER OF FEMALE GROUPS ENGAGED IN FREQUENT LUNCHES / DINNERS / BIRTHDAYS / NEW YEAR PARTIES, AND THEY ALWAYS HAVE A NUMBER OF EXCUSES AND REASONS TO GET TOGETHER.

                  AN ENDLESS AMOUNT OF TIME IS SPENT IN SHOPPING AND ORGANISING GIFTS TO BE PRESENTED TO THEIR FRIENDS. THIS IS ALL WELL, BUT, HOLD ON! WATCH THE AMOUNT OF TIME / MONEY / ENERGY YOU SPEND IN THESE ACTIVITIES, AND CHECK IF YOU ARE COMPROMISING ON ANYTHING - MAYBE YOU ARE EXTERNALLY MOBILEAND MODERN BUT ARE YOU INTERNALLY HAPPY? ARE YOU DOING WHAT YOU WANT TO DO ? ARE YOU INVESTING ENOUGH TIME IN YOURSELF? ARE YOU RUSHING BEHIND ARTIFICIAL HAPPINESS? 

                IF YOU FEEL THAT EVERYTHING AROUND YOU IS GOING WELL AND THAT THERE ARE NO COMPROMISES - GREAT, GO ON!  I WISH YOU GOOD LUCK.

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                                                              LEARN TO SAY "NO"

     

                     BY AND LARGE, WE ARE ALL VICTIMES OF THIS, AND WE ALL HAVE REASONS JUSTIFYING WHY WE CANOOT SAY "NO" TO SOMEONE. WELL, THIS POINT IS INTERLINKED WITH THAT OF A PLEASING PEOPLE AREOUND YOU. SOMEHOW, WE HAVE NOT DEVELOPED THIS MUST HAVE HABIT OF KNOWING WHEN AND HOW TO SAY "NO".

               WE ALL HAVE ONLY SO MANY HOURS IN A DAY. WE SIMPLY DO NOT HAVE TIME TO KILL. I DO UNDERSTAND THAT WE ARE SOCIAL ANIMALS AND THAT WE NEED TO DO SEVERAL THINGS WE MAY NOT NECESSARILY LIKE OR HAVE TIME FOR. WE DO TRY TO BE CLEVER, UNDERSTAND OUR PRIORITIES, AND ALLOCATE TIME APPROPRIATELY FOR BREAKS, SOCIAL ENGAGEMENT, COMMUNITY, SOCIETY, ETC.

               HOWEVER, ANY UNPLANNED UNTERUPPTION IS TO BE THOROUGLY ASSESSED. YOU SHOULD BE WISE ENOUGH TO DECIDE IF IT SUPPORTS YOUR SET AGENDA AND GOALS OF IF IT MERELY INTRUDES ON YOUR TIME AND DERAILS THE PROGRESS OF YOUR TASKS ON HAND. YOU MAY NOT REALISE IT BUT EVEN THE SMALL PORTION OF TIME SPENT ON THAT INTERRUPTION GETS ACCUMULATED, AND WITHOUT YOUR KNOWLEDGE, IT BEOMES MONTHS AND YEARS!

             WELL, THAT'S ENOUGH OF TELLING YOU WHY YOU NEED TO SAY "NO" WHEN NECESSARY - NOW, LET ME TELL YOU THE TECHNIQUE TO DO SO IF YOU HAVE NOT LEARNT THIS THUS FAR. FIST, PRACTICE IT WITH YOUR FAMILY MEMBERS- THOROUGHLY EXPLAIN TO THEM WHY YOU ARE DOING THIS- AND THEN,  PRACTICE THIS IN YOUR DAILY LIFE.

              I HAVE SEEN MANY PEOPLE WHO FOLLOW THE OTHER EXTREME - THEY ALWAYS SAY "NO" FIRST BEFORE EVEN ASSESSING THE REQUEST AND LATER, TURN AROUND AND DO IT ANYWAY. DO NOT LET YOURSELF FALL INTO THAT CATEGORY AS WELL.

             THE TRICK IS TO SAY "NO" BY SAYING "YES" FIRST - WHEN YOU SAY "NO" FIRST, IT MEANS THAT YOU ARE NOT ACKNOWLEDGING THE NEEDS OF THE OTHER PERSON OR EVEN IGNORING THAT PERSON COMPLETELY. AT LEAST, IT IS PERCEIVED IN THAT MANNER BECAUSE WE ARE HUMAN BEINGS WHO HAVE THIS STRANGE, HABIT OF TAKING "NO" PERSONALLY.

                                              SAY "NO" BY SAYING "YES" FIRST

         SO, WHEN YOU GET A REQUEST FOR SOMETHING, WHAT YOU NEED TO DO IS :

 

      1. LISTEN TO THE REQUEST ACTIVELY

      2. ACKNOWLEDGE IT BY SAYING THAT YOU UNDERSTAND IT IS IMPORTANT FOR THAT PERSON AND YOU RESPECT THAT.

     3. THEN, SAY THAT YOU ARE INCIDENTALLY OCCUPIED WITH MORE PRESSING THINGS THAT NEED YOUR ATTENTION AT THE MOMENT AND HENCE, YOU ARE SORRY AND ARE NOT IN A POSITION TO FULLFILL THE REQUEST.

             ANY REASONABLE PERSON WILL UNDERSTAND THIS AND DROP THE MATTER. NOW, IF SOMEONE IS PRESSING YOUR FURTHER, YOU KNOW THAT THE PERSON IS BEING UNREASONBLE, AND YOU MUST GIVE IMPORTANT TO THE REQUEST ON YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH THAT PERSON.

           FOR EXAMPLE, IF IT HAPPEN TO BE YOUR BOSS, YOU HAVE  TO HANDLE IT VERY DELICATELY AND WEIGH THE PROS AND CONS. IF IT'S YOUR FAMILY MEMBER, YOU HAVE TO ASSESS THE PRIORITY AND URGENCY OF THE REQUEST. IF IT'S YOUR KIDS, YOU NEED TO DETERMINE THE EXTENT OF YOUR PARENTING DEPENDING ON THE TYPE OF THE NEED. IF IT'S A VERY  CLOSE FRIEND, LEARN MORE ABOUTTHE SITUATION AND UNDERSTAND WHETHER YOU ARE GENUINELY REQUIRED OR MERELY DRAGGED IN.

             THERE ARE NO CONCRETE OR CAST-IN-IRON WAYS TO DEAL WITH THIS - IT IS MORE OF A ARE THAN SCIENCE. THE MORE YOU PRACTICE, THE BETTER YOU WILL BECOME AT SAYING "NO" GO FOR IT, IT 'S WORTH IT.

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