THE BENEFIT OF BACKING AWAY FROM YOUR FEARS

                                                              FEARS....

              WHEN CONFRONTED WITH AN ENXIETY - PRODUCING EVENT, MOST PEOPLE WILL RETREAT TO AVOID THE FEAR AND ANXIETY. THAT'S WHAT I USED TO DO. YOU SEE, BACKING AWAY DOES RELIEVE THE FEAR AND ANXIETY THAT WOULD HAVE RESULTED IF YOU FOLLOWED THROUGH WITH  THE ACTIVITY. FOR INTSTANCE, IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU TO MAKE A PRESENTATION WITHIN YOUR COMPANY, AND YOU DECLINE, YOU SAVE YOURSELF THE SLEEPLESS NIGHTS YOU'D HAVE WORRYING ABOUT IT.. AND THE NERVOUSNESS YOU'D EXPERIENCE IN THE DAYS LEADING UP TO THE PRESENTATION.

          IN FACT, I'VE FOUND THAT'S THE ONE AND ONLY BENEFIT YOU GET BY RETREATING - A MOMENTARY AVOIDANCE OF ANXIETY.

         THINK ABOUT IT FOR A MOMENT. CAN YOU LIST ANY OTHER BENEFITS THAT PEOPLE GET WHEN THEY REFUSE TO CONFRONT THEIR FEARS? I'VE ASKED THAT QUESTION OF THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE, AND NOBODY HAS BEEN ABLE TO COME UP WITH ANY ADDITIONAL BENEFITS. FOR GOOD REASON - THERE ARE NONE!

                                MOVING FORWARD EVEN WHEN YOU'RE AFRAID

                 FOR INSTANCE, LET'S ASSUME YOU'RE AFRAID TO SPEAK IN PUBLIC, BUT YOU CONFRONT YOUR FEAR AND DO IT ANYWAY. THE MOMENT YOU GET UP AND SPEAK BEFORE THE AUDIENCE, YOU'RE A WINNER. YOU KNEES MAY BE SHAKING AND YOUR VOICE MAY BE QUIVERING. THAT DOESN'T MATTER. YOU FACED YOUR FEAR AND ACCEPTED THE CHALLENGE. CONGRAGULATIONS ARE IN ORDER. THE LIKELY RESULT IS THAT YOU SELF - ESTEEM WILL BE ENHANCED AND YOU'LL FEEL EXHILARATED.

           ON YOUR FIRST ATTEMPT, YOU WON'T BE HAILED AS THE WORLD'S FINEST SPEAKER. SO WHAT? LET'S FACE IT. YOU CAN'T EXPECT TO BE AN ACCOMPLISHED SPEAKER DURING YOUR FIRST PRESENTATION. WERE YOU A GREAT TENNIS PLAYER AFTER YOUR FIST GAME ? OR A GREAT SWIMMER THE FIRST TIME YOU ENTERED THE WATER? DEVELOPING ANY SKILL TAKES TIME.

           I REMEMBER MY FIRST MOTIVATIONAL SPEECH. THAT WAS IN 1988.. AND MY PERFORMANCE WAS NOTHING TO WRITE HOME ABOUT! I GAVE A FREE TALK TO A GROUP OF REAL ESTATE SALESPEOPLE, AND LET ME TELL YOU, I WAS TERRIFIED. I COULDN'T TAKE MY EYES OFF MY NOTES. FORTUNATELY, THE CONTENT OF MY PRESENTATION WAS VERY SOLID AND THE AUDIENCE RESPONDED WELL. BUT I HAD A LONG WAY TO GO BEFORE I COULD CALL MYSELF A GOOD SPEAKER.

          ON THE SECOND PRESENTATION, I WAS A LITTLE BETTER. AND WHEN I HAD DONE FIVE OR SO PRESENTATION, I BEGAN TO RELY LESS AND LESS ON MY NOTES, AND TO DEVELOP A STRONGER CONNECTION WITH THE AUDIENCE. FOR A PEOPLE OF 20 YEARS I GAVE PRESENTATION TO THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE EACH YOUR THROUGHOUT THE UNITED STATES AND ABROAD.

          BUT LET'S NOT FORGET THAT IT  ALL STARTED WITH A SCARED GUY WHO GAVE A VERY UNIMPRESSIVE TALK IN 1988.

                                                             THE COMFORT ZONE

           WHEN YOU'RE GRIPPED BY FEAR AND ANXIETY, IT'S USUALLY BECAUSE YOU'RE STEPPING OUT OF YOUR CONFORT ZONE. LET'S TAKE SOME TIME TO DISCUSS THIS IMPORTANT CONCEPT - AND HOW IT RELATES TO YOUR SUCCESS AND THE DEVELOP OF YOUR POTENTIAL.

         EACH OF US HAS A COMFORT ZONE, A ZONE OF BEHAVIOR THAT IS FAMILIAR TO US AND WHERE WE FEEL COMFORTABLE AND SAFE. THINK OF YOUR COMFORT ZONE AS THE INSIDE OF A CIRCLE.

          THE ACTIVITIES AND SITUATIONS THAT LIE INSIDE THE CIRCLE ARE NON THREATENING AND FAMILIAR. THEY'RE ROUTINE, PART OF YOUR EVERYDAY LIFE - THE THINGS YOU CAN DO WITH NO SWEAT. IN THIS CATEGORY ARE TASKS SUCH AS SPEAKING TO YOUR FRIENDS OR CO-WORKERS OR FILLING OUT THE DAILY PAPERWORK AT YOUR JOB.

          HOWEVER, YOU OCCASIONALLY FACE EXPERIENCE OR CHALLENGES THAT ARE OUTSIDE YOUR COMFORT ZONE. THESE ARE REPRESENTED BY THE "XS" ( X-TERRIFIED, X-SLIGHTLY AFRAID) . THE FARTHER THE "X" IS FROM THE CIRCLE, THE MORE AFRAID YOU ARE TO PARTICIPATE IN THAT ACTIVITY.

            WHEN FACED WITH SOMETHING OUTSIDE YOUR CONFORT ZONE, YOU SUDDELY FEEL NERVOUS. YOUR PALMS BECOME SWEATY AND YOUR HEART POUNDS. YOU BEGIN TO WONDER.

                     " WILL I BE ABLE TO HANDLE IT?

                      " WILL OTHERS LAUGH AT ME?

                      " WHAT WILL MY FRIENDS AND RELATIVES SAY"?

            AS YOU LOOK AT THE DIAGRAM ABOVE, WHAT DOES THE "X" REPRESENT FOR YOU ? IN OTHER WORDS, WHAT FEAR IS HOLDING YOU BACK FROM REACHING THE NEXT LEVEL  OF SUCCESS OR FULFILLMENT IN YOUR LIFE?

                 * IS IT FEAR OF APPROACHING NEW PROSPECTS?

                 * IS IT FEAR ABOUT CHANGING CAREERS?

                 * IS IT FEAR ABOUT LEARNING NEW SKILLS?

                 * IS IT FEAR OF GOING BACK TO SCHOOL ?

                 * IS IT FEAR OF TELLING OTHER PEOPLE WHAT'S ON YOUR MIND?

                 * IS IT FEAR OF PUBLIC SPEAKING?

                   WHATEVER THAT "X" REPRESENTS FOR YOU, JUST BE HONEST AND ADMIT IT. MY GUESS IS THAT THOUSANDS, IF NOT MILLIONS OF PEOPLE HAVE THE VERY SAME FEAR YOU HAVE! IN FACT, LET'S TAKE A CLOSER LOOK AT WHAT MOST PEOPLE ARE AFRAID OF.

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