GIVE APPRECIATION

                                               GIVE HONEST APPRECIATION

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              THE PSYCHOLOGIST WILLIAM JAMES SAID, ONE OF THE DEEPEST DESIRES OF HUMAN BEINGS IS THE DESIRE TO BE APPRECIATED. THE FEELING OF BEING UNWANTED IS HURTFUL. 

              EXPENSIVE JEWELS ARE NOT REAL GIFT THEY ARE APOLOGIES FOR SHRTCOMINGS. MANY TIMES WE BUY GIFTS FOR PEOPLE TO COMPENSATE FOR NOT SPEDING ENOUGH TIME WITH THEM. REAL GIFTS ARE WHEN YOU GIVE A PART OF YOURLSELF.

               SINCERE APPRECIATION IS ONE OF THE GREATEST GIFTS ONE CAN GIVE TO ANOTHER PERSON. IT MAKES A PERSON FEEL IMPORTANT. THE DESIRE TO FEEL IMPORTANT IS ONE OF THE GREATEST CRAVINGS IN MOST HUMAN BEINGS. IT CAN BE A GREAT MOTIVATOR.

               THE BIGGEST DISEASE TODAY IS NOT LEPROSY OR TUBERCULOSIS BUT                                RATHER THE FEELING OF BEING UNWANTED.

                                                                                                               --- MOTHER TERASA

                 IN ORDER TO BE EFFECTIVE, APPRECIATION MUST MEET CERTAIN                                                                                 CRITERIA:

                   1. IT MUST BE SPECIFIC. IF I TELL SOMEONE THAT HE DID A GOOD JOB, AND WALK AWAY, WHAT WILL GO THROUGH HIS MIND? HE WILL THINK, WHAT DID I DO GOOD? HE WILL BE CONFUSED. BUT WHEN I SAY, THE WAY YOU HANDLED THAT DIFFICULT CUSTOMER WAS GREAT, THEN HE KNOWS WHAT HE IS BEING APPRECIATED FOR.

                  2. IT MUST BE IMMEDIATE. THE EFFECTIVENESS IS DILUTED IF WE SHOW OUR APPRECIATION FOR SOMEONE SIX MONTHS AFTER HE HAS DONE SOMETHING COMMENDABLE.

                 3. IT MUST BE SINCERE. IT MUST COME FROM THE HEART. YOU MUST MEAN EVERY WORD. IT IS BETTER NOT TO APPRECIATE IF YOU DON'T MEAN IT BECAUSE INSINCERITY COMES THROUGH.

               4. DON'T QUALIFY PRAISE WITH A BUY. BY USING THE BUT AS A CONNECTOR, WE ERASE THE APPRECIATION. USE AND IN ADDITION TO THAT, OR SOME OTHER APPROPRIATE CONNECTOR. INSTEAD OF SAYING I APPRECIATE YOU EFFORT BUT... SAY SOMETHING LIKE, I APPRECIATE YOUR EFFORT AND WOULD YOU PLEASE...

            5. AFTER GIVING APPRECIATION, IT IS NOT IMPORTANT TO WAIT FOR A RECEIPT OR ACKNOWLEDGEMENT. SOME PEOPLE ARE LOOKING FOR A COMPLIMENT IN RETURN. THAT IS NOT THE PURPOSE OF APPRECIATION.

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                     IF YOU ARE RECEIVING APPRECIATION, ACCEPT IT GRACIOUSLY WITH A THAN-YOU. 

                  IT IS EASIER TO DEAL WITH HONEST REJECTION THAN INSINCERE APPRECIATION. AT LEAST THE PERSON KNOWS WHERE HE STANDS. DON'T MISS OUT ANY OPPORTUNITY TO GIVE SINCERE APPRECIATION. IT BUILDS THE OTHER PERSON'S SELF-ESTEEM AND AUTOMATICALLY YOUR OWN SELF-ESTEEM GOES UP. PUBLIC APPRECIATION IS RECOGNITION.

                 CAUTION: WITHOUT CLEAR BENCHMARKS APPRECIATION MAY CAUSE RESENTMENT.

                 WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN APPRECIATION AND FLATTERY?

                 THE DIFFERENCE IS SINCERITY. ONE COMES FROM THE HEART, THE OTHER FROM THE MOUTH. ONE IS SINCERE AND THE OTHER HAS AN ULTERIOR MOTIVE. SOME PEOPLE FIND IT EASIER TO FLATTER THAN TO GIVE SINCERE PRAISE. DON'T FLATTER OR GET TAKEN IN BY FLATTERS.

                           IT'S AN OLD MAXIM IN THE SCHOOLS

                                 THAT FLATTERY'S THE FOOD OF FOOLS

                          YET NOW AND THEN YOU MEN OF WIT

                                   WILL CONDESCEND TO TAKE A BIT.

                                                                                                            ---- JONATHAN SWIFT

                         INSINCERE APPRECIATION IS LIKE A MIRAGE IN THE DESERT. THE CLOSER YOU GET, THE MORE DISAPPOINTED YOU BECOME BECAUSE IT IS NOTHING MORE THAN AN ILLUSION. PEOPLE PUT UP A FRON OF SINCERITY AS A COVER UP.

                        WHEN YOU MAKE A MISTAKE, ACCEPT IT AND MOVE ON

                      WHEN I AM WRONG, MAKE ME EASY TO CHANGE, AND WHEN I AM RIGHT, MAKE ME EASY TO LIVE WITH. THIS IS A GOOD PHILOSOPHY TO LIVE BY.

                      SOME PEOPLE LIVE AND LEARN WHILE OTHERS LIVE AND NEVER LEARN. MISTAKES ARE TO BE LEARNED FROM. THE GREATEST MISTAKE A PERSON CAN MAKE IS TO REPEAT IT. DON'T ASSIGN BLAME AND MAKED EXCUSES. DON'T DWELL ON IT. WHEN YOU REALIZE YOUR MISTAKE, IT IS A GOOD IDEA TO ACCEPT. RESPONSIBILITY FOR IT AND APOLOGIZE. DON'T DEFENT IT. WHY? ACCEPTANCE DISARMS THE OTHER PERSON.

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                                                        DISCUSS BUT DON'T ARGUE

                  ARGUMENTS CAN BE AVOIDED AND A LOT OF HEARTACHE PREVENTED BY BEING A LITTLE CAREFUL. THE BEST WAY TO WIN AN ARGUMENT IS TO AVOID IT. AN ARGUMENT IS ONE THING YOU WILL NEVER WIN. IF YOU WIN, YOU LOSE, IF YOU LOSE, YOU LOSE. IF YOU WIN  AN ARGUMENT BUT LOSE A GOOD JOB, CUSTOMER, FRIEND OR MARRIAGE, WHAT KIND OF VICTORY IS IT? PRETTY EMPTY. ARGUMENTS RESULT FROM INFLATED EGO. ARGUING IS LIKE FIGHTING A LOSING BATTLE. EVEN IF ONE WINS, THE COST MAY BE MORE THAN THE VICTORY IS WORTH. EMOTIONAL BATTLES LEAVE A RESIDUAL ILL WILL EVEN IF YOU WIN.

                  IN AN ARGUMENT, BOTH PEOPLE ARE TRYING TO HAVE THE LAST WORD. ARGUMENT IS NOTHING MORE THAN A BATTLE OF EGOS AND RESULTS IN A YELLING CONTEST. A BIGGER FOOL THAN THE ONE WHO KNOWS IT ALL IS THE ONE WHO AREGUES WITH HIME!

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