THE SELF - MANAGEMENT SEQUENCE

 

 

                            THE FIVE STEPS THAT CONTROL OUR

                                       SUCCESS OR FAILURE

                                      1. BEHAVIOR

                      THE STEP THAT MOST DIRECTLY CONTROLS OUR SUCCESS OR FAILURE IS OUR BEHAVIOR - WHAT WE DO OR DO NOT DO. BEHAVIOR OUR ACTIONS. HOW WE ACT, WHAT WE DO, EACH MOMENT OF EACH DAY WILL DETERMINE WHETHER OR NOT WE WILL BE SUCCESSFUL THAT MOMENT OR THAT DAY IN ANYTHING THAT WE DO. THE RIGHT SERIES OF THE RIGHT ACTIONS WILL ALWAYS END UP MAKING THINGS WORK BETTER THAN THE WRONG SERIES OF THE WRONG ACTIONS. IN MOST CAUSES, IF YOU DO THE RIGHT THING, YOU'RE GOING TO ACHIEVE THE RIGHT RESULTS.

                 THIS STEP INVOLVES EVEN THE SIMPLEST LEVEL OF BEHAVIOR. AS AN EXAMPLE, IF YOU LIKE YOUR JOB,DO THE RIGHT THING AT THE RIGHT TIME, AND KEEP AT IT, THERE IS A GOOD CHANCE THAT YOUR JOB WILL DO WELL FOR YOU. IF, ON THE OTHER HAND, YOU DO NOT LIKE YOUR WORK AND DO THINGS THAT WORK AGAINST YOU ON THE JOB, IT WON'T WORK AS WELL FOR YOU.

                 LET'S USEANOTHER EXAMPLE, IF A STUDENT IN SCHOOL REFUSES TO STUDY, NEVER PAYS ATTENTION, AND MISSES A LOT OF CLASSS (ALL BEHAVIOR) WILL THE STUDENT DO WELL IN SCHOOL? PROBABLY NOT. IF THAT STUDENT BEHAVIOR IN A WAY THAT SAYS, "I DONT LIKE BEING WHERE I AM, HIS OR HER BEHAVIOR WILL ULTIMATELY CAUSE A PROBLEM. THE GOOD GRADES WON'T SHOW UP, AND IF SOMETHING DOESN'T CHANGE, EVENTUALLY NEITHER WILL THE STUDENT.

                 THE SAME IS TRUE OF YOUR HOME LIKE. IF YOU DON'T LIKE WHERE YOU ARE IN YOUR HOME LIFE, WHAT WILL YOU DO? IF YOU ARE LIKE MOST OF US,IN ONE WAY OR ANOTHER , YOUR BEHAVIOR, YOUR ACTIONS WILL ALERT THOSE AROUND YOU THAT YOU ARE UNHAPPY. THE RESULT WILL BE AN UNHEALTHY HOME LIFE, OR AT A MINIMUM YOU WILL HAVE TO LIVE WITH DISAGREEMENTS, ARGUMENTS, AND UNHAPPINESS IN ONE FORM OR ANOTHER.

                     ON THE OTHER HAND, IF YOUR ACTIONS ARE THOSE THAT WORK FOR YOU INSTEAD OF AGAINTS YOU, THE LIKEHOOD IS THAT THINGS AROUND YOU WILL HAVE A BETTER CHANCE OF WORKING FOR YOU INSTEAD OF AGAINST YOU.

                   BUT IT GOES FAR BEYOND THAT. HOW YOU MANAGE YOUR SELF, WHAT YOU DO, HOW YOU ACT EACH AND EVERY MOMENT, EVERY WORK YOU SPEAK, MOTION YOU MAKE, AND ACTION YOU TAKE OR DO NOT TAKE WILL DETERMINE HOW WELL ANYTHING IN YOUR LIFE WORKS FOR YOU. IT DOES NOT TAKE A WIZARD TO TELL US WHEN WE DO THE RIGHT THINGS, THERE IS ALWAYS A BETTER CHANCE THAT THINGS WILL WORK BETTER FOR US THAN WHEN WE DO THE WRONG THINGS.

                BUT WHY DO WE DO WHAT WE DO?WHY DO WE NOT TO THE THINGS WE KNOW WE SHOULD NOT? WHAT MAKES US DO WHAT WE DO? WHAT MAKES US ACT THE WAY WE ACT, BEHAVE THE WAY WE BEHAVE? WHY DO WE EVER DO ANYTHING THAT WORKS AGAINST US INSTEAD OF ALWAYS DOING EXACTLY THAT WHICH FOR US ? IT IS BEHAVIOR WE DON'T KNOW ANY BETTER? NO. WE USUALLY KNOW WHAT'S RIGHT AND WHAT'S WRONG.

                     THE REASON WE DON'T HEED EVEN OUR OWN ADVICE IS BECAUSE OF SOMETHING ELSE THAT AFFECTS, DIRECTS, INFLUENCES, OR CONTROLS ALL OF OUR ACTIONS. THAT SOMETHING THAT MAKES US DO WHAT WE DO IS CALLED OUR.

                  

                                 2. FEELINGS

                        EVERY ACTIONS WE TAKE IS FIRST FILTERED THROUGH OUR FEELINGS. HOW WE FEEL ABOUT SOMETHING WILL ALWAYS DETERMINE OR AFFECT WHAT WE DO AND HOW WELL WE DO IT.

                      IF WE FEEL GOOD OR POSITIVE ABOUT SOMETHING, WE WILL BEHAVE MORE POSITIVELY ABOUT IT. OUR FEELINGS WILL DIRECTLY INFLUENCES OUR ACTIONS. HAVE YOU EVER WATCHED CHILDREN WHO WERE MADE TO EAT SOMETHING THEY DIDN'T LIKE? HOW DID THEY ACT? I'VE SEEN CHILDREN WHO LOOKED AS THOUGH THEY WERE GOING TO DIE RIGHT THERE ON THE SPOT. BUT SET A FAVORITE DESSERT IN FRONT OF THE SAME CHILDREN AND WHAT WILL THEY DO? THEY MAY LOOK AS THOUGH THEY'RE GOING TO DIVINE INTO IT HEADFIRST.

                   WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THE ONE PLATE OF FOOD AND THE OTHER? IT'S NOT THAT ONE TYPE OF FOOD IS BETTER THAN THE OTHER. THE DIFFERENCE IS IN HOW THOSE CHILDREN HAVE COME TO FEEL ABOUT THE FOOD. THE WAY THE CHILDREN FELT DETERMINED WHAT ACTIONS THEY TOOK. IN ONE INSTANCE THEY FOUGHT IT, IN THE OTHER THEY RELISHED IT.

                   I HAVE A FRIEND WHOSE FEAR IS THAT OF FLYING. ORDINARYILY, SHE IS LEVEHEADED AND POSSESS AN EVEN DISPOSITION, BUT BECAUSE OF HER FEAR OF BEING IN AN AIRPLANE, SHE WOULD RATHER DRIVE A CAR FROM HER HOME IN THE MIDWEST TO VISIT HER FAMILY ON THE EAST COAST, AND LOSE TWO OR THREE DAYS GETTING THERE, THAN HOP ON A PLANT AND BE WITH HER FAMILY IN TWO OR THREE SHORT HOURS. WHEN CIRCUMSTANCES DEMAND THAT SHE DOES FLY, SHE LOSES HER WELL-MANNERED, EVEN TEMPERAMENT, HER STREES LEVEL TRIPLES,HER ENXIETIES TAKE OVER,  AND SHE GETS SICK EVEN BEFORE THE FLIGHT BEGINS.

             IS IT THE FLYING? NO. IT IS HER FEELINGS ABOUT FLYING THAT CAUSE HER TO ACT THE WAY SHE DOES. IN THIS EXAMPLE, YOU'LL NOTICE THAT, ONCE AGAIN, IT MADE NO DIFFERENT IT THE INDIVIDUALS FEELINGS WERE "RATIONAL", HER FEELINGS NONETHELESS DIRECTLY CONTROLLED, INFLUENCED, AND SEVERELY AFFECTED THE WOMAN'S ACTIONS.

                      YOUR FEELINGS ABOUT ANYTHING YOU DO WILL AFFECT HOW YOU DO IT. IT DOESN'T HAVE TO BE FEELINGS OF LIKE OR DISLIKE, JOY OR FEAR, ALL OF YOUR  FEELINGS AFFECT YOUR ACTIONS. HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT YOUR JOB, YOUR MATE, YOUR FAMILY, YOUR MONEY, YOUR HEALTH, YOURSELF, AND YOUR SUCCESS WILL DETERMINE HOW YOU HEHAVE IN EACH OF THESE AREAS. IF YOUR FEELINGS ARE POSITIVE AND PRODUCTIVE, YOUR ACTIONS WILL FOLLOW.

                     BUT WHAT CAUSES YOU TO HAVE THE FEELINGS THAT ARE SO MUCH A PART OF YOU? DID YOU GET THEM BY ACCIDENT? WHAT CREATES THE WAY YOU FEEL ABOUT ANYTHING? CHANCE? NEVER. YOUR FEELINGS ARE CREATED, CONTROLLED, DETERMINED, OR INFLUENCED BY YOUR.

                        3. ATTITUDES

                YOUR ATTITUDES ARE THE PERSPECTIVE FROM WHICH YOU VIEW LIFE. SOME PEOPLE SEEM TO HAVE A GOOD ATTITUDE ABOUT MOST THINGS. SOME PEOPLE SEEM TO HAVE A BAD ATTITUDE ABOUT EVERYTHING. BUT WHEN YOU LOOK CLOSER, YOU WILL FIND THAT MOST OF US HAVE A COMBINATON OF ATTITUDES, SOME GOOD, SOME NOT SO GOOD.

                WHATEVER ATTITUDE WE HAVE ABOUT ANYTHING WILL AFFECT HOW WE FEEL ABOUT IT, WHICH IN TURN DETERMINES HOW WE'LL ACT ABOUT IT, AND THAT IN TURN DETERMINES WHETHER OR NOT WE WILL DO WELL. SO, OUR ATTITUDE PLAY A VERY IMPORTANT PART IN HELPING US BECOME SUCCESSFUL.

                INFACT, AS WE CAN SEE, A GOOD ATTITUDE IS ESSENTIAL TO ACHIEVEMENT OF ANY KIND. WE SO OFTEN HEAR OF SOMEONE WHO SAID TO HAVE A BAD ATTITUDE, THE TERM IS OFTEN APPLIED TO YOUNG  PEOPLE , ESPECIALLY TO TEENAGERS WHO FREQUENTLY GET INTO TROUBLE, BUT WE OFTEN HEAR IT ABOUT ADULTS, TOO. THE IMPLICATION IS ALWAYS THAT THE INDIVIDUALS IN QUESTION ARE NOT GOING TO MAKE IT IF THEY DON'T CHANGE THEIR ATTITUDES.

               I WOULD AGREE. WTHOUT A GOOD ATTITUDE, A PERSPECTIVE THAT ALLOWS US TO SEE THE OPPORTUNITIES AHEAD AND SET OUR SIGHTS TO REACH THEM, WE NEVER WILL. BUT EVEN MORE IMPORTANT IS THE FACT THAT IN ORDER TO POSSESS THE KINDS OF FEELINGS THAT WORK FOR US, WE'VE GOT TO HAVE THE RIGHT ATTITUDES TO START WITH.

                 BUT WHERE DO WE GET OUR ATTITUDES? ARE WE BORN WITH THEM? OR DO THEY JUST APPEAR OUT OF NOWHERE?

               OUR ATTITUDES ARE NO ACCIDENT . THEY DON'T JUST HAPPEN. OUR ATTITUDES ARE CREATED, CONTROLLED, OR INFLUENCED ENTIRELY BY OUR.

                            4. BELIEFS

                    WHAT WE BELIEVE ANYTHIING WILL DETERMINE OUR ATTITUDES ABOUT IT, CREATE OUR FEELINGS, DIRECT OUR ACTIONS, AND IN EACH IN. STRANCE, HELP US TO DO WELL OR POORLY, SUCCEED OR FAIL. THE BELIEF THAT WE HAVE ABOUT ANYTHING IS SO POWERFUL THAT IT CAN EVEN MAKE SOMETHING APPEAR  TO BE SOMETHING DIFFERENT THAN WHAT IT REALLY IS, "BELIEF" DOES NOT REQUIRE THAT SOMETHING ACTUALLY BE THE WAY WE SEE IT TO BE. IT REQUIRES US TO BELIEVE THAT THAT'S THE WAY IT IS.

                    BELIEF DOES NOT REQUIRE SOMETHING TO  BE TRUE. IT ONLY REQUIRES US TO BELIEVE THT IT'S TRUE. THAT'S POWERFUL STUFF! THAT MEANS MOST OF WHAT REALITY IS, TO EACH OF US, IS BASED ON WHAT WE HAVE COME TO BELIEVE - WHETHER IT'S TRUE OR NOT.

                   IT IS POSSIBLE THAT TOMORROW MORNING, IN SOME CLASSROOM IN A FOREIGN NATION, THERE WILL SIT A LITTLE BOY OR GIRL WHO BELIEVE THAT OUR COUNTRY IS BAD. IT IS ALSO LIKE THAT TOMORROW MORNING, IN SOME CLASS ROOM IN OUR COUNTRY, THERE WILL SIT A YOUNG BOY OR GIRL WHO BELIEVE THAT THE OTHER NATION IS BAD. IT MAKS NO DIFFERENCE WHETHER IT IS TRUE OR NOT. IT IS WHAT THEY BELIEVE. AND WHAT THEY BELIEVE WILL AFFECT THEIR ATTITUDES, FEELINGS, AND ACTIONS, ONE DAY WHEN THEY GROW OLDER, THEY COULD SEE EACH OTHER AS A ENEMY, AND TRY TO KILL EACH OTHER. TO EACH OF THEM IT WOULD BE RIGHT. IT WOULD BE WHAT THEY BELIEVE.

                  WHEN I WAS A CHILD, SITTNG ON A CHURCH BENCH, TRYING TO UNDERSTAND WHAT THE MAN IN THE PULPIT WAS TALKING ABOUT, I REMEMBER HIM TELLING S TO "BELIEVE". I DIDN'T KNOW HOW TO DO THAT. I THOUGHT THAT SOME PEOPLE WERE LUCKY AND SOME WERE NOT. SOME JUST NATURALLY GOT TO BELIEVE, AND SOME DIDN'T. I DID NOT KNOW YET WHERE BELIEF COMES FROM, AND I CERTAINLY DIDN'T KNOW THE POWER THAT BELIEF WOULD HAVE IN MY LIFE AND THE POWER BELIEFS HAD HELD IN THE LIVES OF EVERY HUMAN BEING WHO HAD EVER LIVED.

               AS AN EXAMPLE OF HOW IMPORTANT BELIEF CAN BE, IMAGINE BELIEVING SOMETHING ABOUT YOURSELF, SOMETHING THAT WAS WORKING AGAINST YOU BUT THAT WAS NOT TRUE.

             LET'S SAY YOU BELIEVE THAT YOU HAD TROUBLE MAKING FRIENDS EASILY, OR BEING ACCEPTED EASILY AND NATURALLY BY OTHERS. YOU BELIEVED YOU TOOK A SOCIAL BACKSEAT TO PEOPLE WHO SEEMED TO BE MORE POPULAR. AS A  RESULT, YOU FOUND YOURSELF STANDING BACT AT SOCIAL GATHERINGS, SELF-CONSCIOUS AND UNSURE OF WHAT TO SAY. AT YOUR WORK YOU OFTEN MISSED OPPORTUNITIES BECAUSE YOU DID NOT SPEAK UP - EVEN WHEN YOUR IDEA WAS BETTER THAN THE IDEA THAT WAS ACCEPTED FROM SOMEONE ELSE WHO DID SPEAK UP. LET'S SAY YOU KNEW THAT YOU WANTED TO BE INTELLIGENT AND WITTY AND FUN, BUT YOU BELIEVED THAT YOU WANTED TO BE INTELLIGENT AND WITTY AND FUN, BUT YOU BELIEVED THAT THE OUTSIDE YOU JUST DIDN'T MEASURE UP.

              SINCE WHATEVER YOU BELIEVE ABOUT YOURSELF WILL END UP AFFECTING WHAT YOU DO, YOU CAN BE SURE THAT IF YOU BELIEVE THAT YOU ARE NOT AS SOCIALLY SUCCESSFUL AS YOU WOULD TO BE, YOUR BELIEF ABOUT YOURSELF WILL TURN OUT TO BE CORRECT- WHETHER IT WAS TRUE OR NOT. BEYOND TENDENCIES TOWARD ASSERTIVENESS SHYNESS, ETCETERA, MOST SOCIAL BEHAVIORS ARE CONDITIONED TO BEGIN WITH - NO ONE I BORN POPULAR AND SOCIALLY ADEPT. EVERY SOCIAL GRACE, SKILL, AND COMFORT LEVEL THAT WE HAVE, SUCCESSFUL OR UNSUCCESSFUL, IS BASED ON WHAT WE LEARN TO BELIEVE ABOUT OURSELVES. IF YOU TELL YOURSELF THAT YOU CANNOT, WHAT CAN THE ONLY OUTCOME BE? 

                    WE ALL HAVE THOUSANDS OF BIG AND LITTLE BELIEFS ABOUT OURSELVES. SOME OF THEM PROBABLY ARE TRUE. I SUSPECT THAT MOST OF THEM ARE NOT. BUT YOUR MIND WILL ACT AS THOUGH THEY ARE TRUE, IF YOU BELIEVE THEM.

                   WHAT MAKES US BELIEVE? DO OUR BELIEFS JUST ONE DAY SPRING OUT OF NOWWHERE? WERE OUR BELIEFS HANDED TO US ON THE DAY OF OUR BIRTH, LIKE BIRTHMARKS OF OUR HEREDITY TO BE KEPT FOREVER? DO WE CREATE THEM OURSELVES? WHERE DO WE GE THEM? OUR BELIEFS ARE NOT ACCIDENTS OF NATURE. OUR BELIEFS ARE CREATD AND DIRECTED ENTIRELY BY OUR.

                          5. PROGRAMMING

                     WE BELIEVE WHAT WE ARE PROGRAMMED TO BELIEVE. OUR CONDITIONING, FROM THE DAY WE WERE BORN, HAS CREATED, REINFORCED, AND NEARLY PERMANENTLY CEMENTED MOST OF WHAT WE BELIEVE ABOUT OURSELVES AND WHAT WE BELIEVE ABOUT MOST OF WHAT GOES ON AROUND US. THE RESULT OF IT IS WHAT WE BELIEVE.

                   IT ALL STARTS WITH OUR PROGRAMMING. WHAT WE HAVE ACCEPTED FROM THE OUTSIDE WORLD, OR FED TO OURSELVES, HAS INITIATED A NATURAL CAUSE-AND-EFFECT CHAIN REACTION SEQUENCE THAT LEADS US EITHER TO SUCCESSFUL SELF-MANAGEMENT, OR TO THE UNSUCCESSFUL MISMANAGEMENT OR OURSELVES, OUR RESOURCES, AND OUR FUTURE.

               IT IS OUR PROGRAMMING THAT SETS UP OUR BELIEFS, AND THE CHAIN REACTION BEGINS, IN LOGICAL PROGRESSION, WHAT WE BELIEVE DETERMINES OUR ATTITUDES, AFFECTS OUR FEELINGS, DIRECTS OUR BEHAVIOR, AND DETERMINES OUR SUCCESS OR FAILURE.

                1. PROGRAMMING CREATES BELIEFS.

                2. BELIEFS CREATE ATTITUDE.

                3. ATTITUDES CREATE FEELINGS.

                4. FEELINGS DETERMINES ACTIONS.

                5. ACTIONS CREATE RESULTS.

                       THAT'S HOW THE BRAIN WORKS. IT YOU WANT TO MANAGE YOURSELF IN A BETTER WAY, AND CHANGE YOUR RESULTS, YOU CAN DO SO AT ANY TIME YOU CHOOSE. START WITH THE FIRST STEP. CHANGE YOUR PROGRAMMING.

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