IMPORTANT HINT TO OUR RELATIONSHIPS

 

                CORRECTIVE FEEDBACK CAN

                            MAKE OUR RELATIONSHIPS.

                              IT IS STRANGE THAT SWORD AND WORDS HAVE THE SAME LETTERS.

                              EVE  MORE STRANGE IS THAT THEY HAVE THE SAME EFFECT IT

                              NOT HANDLED PROPERLY".

                                                                                                                   --- ANONYMOUS

                          MOST OF THE TIME OUR FRUSTRATION COMES FROM IMPROPER DEALSINGS IN OUR RELATIONSHIPS, I SAID TRYIG TO CONSOLE HARRY. AND THIS STEMS FROM OUR POOR COMMUNICATION, WHETHER IT'S OUR BODY LANGUAGE, ACTIONS OR WORDS, WE MUST TAKE FULL RESPONSIBILITY FOR OUR RELATIONSHIPS, I CONTINUED.

                             BUT IF I'M ALWAYS THINKING ABOUT WHAT TO SAY TO NOT UPSET, MY WIFE, THAT WOULD MAKE LIFE MISERABLE AND SO CALCULATED, HARRY RETORTED.

                              I SIGNED. HARRY YES, WE MUST CHOOSE OUR WORDS CAREFULLY WHEN WE ARE CORRECTING OTHERS, BUT BEFIRE THAT WE MUST LEARN TO INVES APPRECIATION IN THEM".

                              I SETTLED DOWN TO EXPLAIN IN DETAIL. 

                                          CORRECTIVE FEEDBACK: AN ART

                  BEYOND ANY OTHER NEED, THE GREATEST LONGING OF EVERY INDIVIDUALS IS TO GIVE LOVE AND TO BE LOVED. IT IS OUR RELATIONSHIPS THAT ALLOW THIS MANTRA TO COME TO FRUITION. HOWEVER, IT IS SURPRISING THAT THE RELATIONSHIPS WE CHERISH AND KEEP SO CLOSE TO OUR HEART CAN EASILY BE NEGLECTED AND ABUSED. FOR THE MOST PARTS, THIS IS NOT DONE ON PURPOSE, BUT OUT OF IGNORANCE AND AN INABILITY TO UNDERSTAND HOW ONE SHOULD BEHAVE. WE MAY HAVE THE RIGHT INTENTIONS BUT GIVING ADVICE INAPPROPRIATELY MAY DO MORE HARM THAN GOOD. THAT IS WHAY WE MUST LEARN TO DO IT PROPERLY. AND IT TAKES PRACTICE AND INTROPECTION TO DEVELOP THIS ABILITY. ANY TIME YOU FEEL THE NEED TO GIVE CORRECTIVE FEEDBACK TO SOMEONE, THINK OF THESE FOUR QUESTIONS.

                                      AM I RIGHT PERSON TO GIVE 

                                         CORRESTIVE FEEDBACK?

                    IS IT APPROPRIATE FOR YOU TO CORRECT THAT PERSON? THERE IS A JOKE THAT EVERY WOMAN THINKS THAT THE BEST CHILD IN THE WORLD IS HER CHILD, AND EVERY MAN THINKS THAT THE BEST WIFE IN THE WORLD IS THE NEIGHBOUR'S WIFE. WE WOULD ALL SCREAM AT SOMEONE ELSE'S CHILD WHO IS ABOUT TO INJURE ITSELF, BUT WE ARE NOT TALKING OF THOSE EXCEPTIONAL SITUATIONS. IN ANY OTHER SITUATION WOULD YOU GIVE CORRECTIVE FEEDBACK TO SOMEONE ELSE'S CHILD? WOULD YOU GIVE FEEDBACK TO ANOTHER'S SPOUSE? IN MOST SITUATIONS, YOU WOULD NOT. THEREFORE WE HAVE TO THINK, AM I THE RIGHT PERSON TO GIVE THIS FEEDBACK OR IS SOMEONE ELSE BETTER SUITED? AM I A RELATIVE? AM I A FRIEND? AM I AN AUTHORITY IN ANY WAY TO GIVE CORRECT FEEDBACK? IF THE ANSWER TO ANY OF THE QUESTIONS IS YES, THEN YOU CAN PROCEED TO THE NEXT ONE.

                     DO I HAVE THE RIGHT MOTIVE TO 

                                               GIVE CORRECTIVE FEEDBACK?

                      IT IS SAID THAT WE CAN CONTROL TWO THINGS IN OUR LIFE, OUR DESIRES AND OUR MOTIVES TELL US WHY WE WANT IT. IN MANY CASES, WE MAY CORRECT OTHERS BECAUSE WE WANT TO SETTLE OLD ACCOUNTS. WE MAY HAVE A GRUDGE AGAINST THEM AND WE MAY USE THE OPPORTUNITY TO CORRECT THEM, SIMPLY TO EXACT OUR VENGEANCE. BUT THIS SHOULD NOT BE OUR MOTIVE. IT SHOULD BE TO HELP THEM AS FRIEND. WE SHOULD BE CONSCIENTIOUS THAT OUR MOTIVE IS APPROPRIATE, WE WANT TO HELP THEM COME OUT OF THE WRONG THEY ARE DOING. FEEDBACK FROM A PLACE OF LOVE MAY SEEM UNPALATABLE, BUT IT TASTES THE SWEETEST IF DONE APPROPRIATELY AND HAS THE RIGHT EFFECT.

                         TAKING THE TIME TO ASK THESE FOUR QUESTIONS BEFORE GIVING SOMEBODY CORRECTIONAL FEEDBACK CAN CHANGE ONE'S LIFE. TO UNDERSTAND THEM DEEPLY, CONTEMPLATION AND DISCUSSION WITH SOMEONW MORE EXPERIENCED THAN ONESELF ARE REQUIRED AS EVERY SITUATION IS DIFFERENT. THE PRINCIPLES REMAIN THE SAME IN EVERY SITUATION, BUT THE APPLICATION MAY VARY ON A CASE-TO-CASE BASIS, DEPENDING ON THE GRAVITY OF THE SITUATION OR EVEN OUR RELATIONSHIPWITH THE PERSON. WE WOULD OUR CHILDREN. ONE SIZE DOES NOT FIT ALL, NEITHER DO OUR METHODS TO CORRECT.

                      THIS PRACTICE WILL TAKE SOME TIME TO IMPLEMENT, AND FORM INTO A HABIT, HARRY SAID, AS HE LOOKED AWAY FROM THE STEERING WHEEL MOMENTARILY TO LOOK AT ME.

                        YOU'RE RIGHT , I NODDED. HAVING THE KNOWLEDGE OF SOMETHING IS FAR FROM MASTERING IT. GIVING FEEDBACK BADLY IS AN ADDICTION . JUST AS A SMOKER KNOWS THAT CIGARETTERS CAN KILL HIM BUT SMOKES NONETHELESS, SIMILARLY THE WAY WE INTERACT WITH OTHERS BECOMES AN ADDICTION. WE KNOW WHEN WE ARE CARELESS, BUT OUR HABITS FORCE US TO ACT IN A CERTAIN  WAY.

                         HARRY'S EXPRESSION REVERTED TO ONE I HAD SEEN EARLIER IN THIS CAR JOURNEY. HIS FACE DROPPED AND HIS BREATHING SLOWED. WHEN I RETURN FROM THE OFFICE I AM USUALLY STRESSED, HE WHISPERED IAM NOT LIKE THAT GUY IN THE STORY. I REALLY LASH OUT OVER TRIVIAL COULD LEAD UP TO WHAT HAPPENED THE OTHER NIGHT. LALITA AND I GOT INTO A HUGE ARGUMENT OVER SOMETHING TRIVIAL WHICH I CAN'T EVEN REMEMBER NOW. THE FIGHT REACHED ITS CRESCENDO, AND SHE SCREAMED AT ME SAYING SHE WANTED A DIVORCE! DIVORCE? HOW CAN SHE WANT A DIVORCE AFTER ALL WE HAVE BEEN THOUGHT? AT THIS POINT. HARRY WAS TALKING TO HIMSELF, CHURNING HIS EMOTIONS. WHAT WOULD MY FAMILY THINK IF I GOT DIVORCED? WOULD MY FRIENDS JUDGE ME? I SUPPOSE BEING CARELESS ABOUT LITTLE THINGS CAN REALLY PROVE TO BE FATAL. BUT I REALLY DO LOVE MY WIFE, AND I KNOW I NEED TO CHANGE, BUT HOW CAN I EVER FORGIVE HER FOR SAYING SOMETHING SO CRUEL AND HURTFUL?

                            ANOTHER QUESTION LOADED WITH EMOTION, I THOUGHT TO MYSELF. I LOOKED OUT OF THE CAR WINDOW. WE WERE DRIVING PAST COUPLES HOLDING HANDS AND WALKING ALONG WITH COASTLINE. I SAID, LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT SOMETHING WORSE".