SITUATIONAL SELF-TALK

 

                              SELF-HELP TECHNIQUE

                           WHEN I FIRST EXPLORED THE USE OF "SITUATIONAL" SELF-TALK, I COULDN'T HELP BUT WONDER IF IT WAS POSSIBLE THAT SOMETHING SO SIMPLE COULD WORK SO WELL. I WAS AWARE FROM STUDYING  AND OBSERVING MANY DIFFERENT SELF-HELP TECHNIQUE, HOWEVER, THAT THE MOST EFFECTIVE TECHNIQUE WERE USUALLY THE SIMPLEST AND THE EASIEST TO USE. THAT DISCRIPTION FITS SITUATIONAL SELF-TALK PERFECTLY. IF THIS FORM OF SELF-TALK SEEMS TOO UNCOMPLICATED TO BE VALUABLE. I URGUE YOU TO TRY IT FOR YOURSELF FOR THE NEXT THREE WEEKS. BY THE END OF THAT TIME, YOU SHOULD ALREADY FOR FORMING THE HABIT OF DOING IT - AND IT WILL NO LONGER SEEM UNIMPORTANT. IT WILL BECOME ONE OF YOUR STRONGEST ALLIES IN YOUR OWN PERSONAL GROWTH AND SUCCESS. WHAT IS THIS SIMPLE KEY THE UNLOCKS SUCH A GREAT TREASURE?

                       MAKE AN INSTANT ADJUSTMENT

                          A FRIEND OF MINE RELATED THE STORY OF HER AUNT, WHO, ALTHOUGH SHE DID NOT LIKE TO COOK, HAD TO DO SO TO TAKE CARE OF HER FAMILY. EACH TIME THE AUNT WENT INTO THE KITCHEN TO BEGIN PREPARING A MEAL, SHE WOULD SAY OUT LOUD. THIS IS GOING TO BE FUN. I'M GOING TO HAVE A GOOD TIME COOKING TODAY. WHEN IT COMES TO WIRING YOUR BRAIN, THINK ABOUT THE EFFECT OF REPEATING THAT KIND OF STATEMENT. BY GIVING HERSELF A FEW SIMPLE WORDS OF SELF-TALK, THAT WOMAN CHANGED A CHORE INTO A PLEASANT TASK. SHE DIDN'T CHANGE THE JOB, SHE CHANGED HOW SHE FELT ABOUT IT.

                 THAT IS SITUATIONAL SELF-TALK. IT IS THE KIND OF SELF-TALK THAT ADJUSTS SITUATIONS BY ADJUSTING HOW WE LOOK AT THEM. IT IS A PRACTICAL, IMMEDIATE, NOW KIND OF SELF-TALK THAT YOU CAN CALL ON AT ANY TIME AND IT WILL COME TO YOUR AID THE MOMENT YOU USE IT.

                   SITUATIONAL SELF-TALK DIFFERS FROM THE KIND OF SELF-TALK WE DISCUSSED IN THE LAST FEW CHAPTERS IN THAT IT DOES NOT REQUIRE A "SCRIPT" OF SELF-TALK TO CREATE A RESULT. IT CAN BED ACCOMPLISHED IN A MOMENT, OUT LOUD OR SILENTLY TO YOURSELF. IT CAN BE A SINGLE THOUGHT, OR IT CAN BE A FEW WELL-CHOSEN WORDS.

               SITUATIONAL SELF-TALK DIFFERS FROM THE OTHER FORMS OF POSITIVE SELF-TALK IN THAT IT DOESN'T HAVE TO BE PHRASED IN THE PRESENT TENSE ONLY. ITIS ALREADY DEALING WITH THE HERE AND NOW, TODAY OR THE NEAR FUTURE. ITS FIRST OBJECTIVE IS NOT TO TRY TO CREATE A NEW, LONG-TERM INTERNAL PICTURE OF YOURSELF, ITS PRIMARY JOB IS TO DEAL WITH TODAY, TODAY. THE WORDS YOU ARE USING ARE FUTURE TENSE (GOING TO) , BUT THEY ARE STILL DEALING WITH NOW.

                  LIKE THE OTHER KINDS OF SELF-TALK THIS "IN THE MOMENT" FROM MAY HELP YOUR ATTITUDE, OVERPOWER A BAD HABIT, HELP YOU SOLVE A PROBLEM OR REACH A GOAL, OR MOTIVAE YOU TO DO BETTER, BUT IT ACCOMPLISHES THE TASK IN A DIFFERENT WAY.

                  SITUATIONAL SELT-TALK IS USED WHEN YOU ARE CONFRONTED WITH ANY SITUATION THAT YOU WOULD RATHER NOT BE IN, WHEN YOU ARE PRESENTED WITH AN UNEXPECTED OPPORTUNITY THAT REQUIRES YOU IMMEDIATE ATTENTION. IN MOST CASES THIS KIND OF SELF-TALK IS USED TO OVERCOME SOME MOMENTARY CIRCUMSTANCE THAT DISAGREE WITH YOU. I'LL GIVE YOU AN EXAMPLE.

                    YOU ARE AT WORK, AND THE PHONE RINGS. IT IS A CALL FROM SOMEONE YOU'VE BEEN PUTTING OFF TALKING TO, AND YOU KNOW YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CALL. YOU DON'T WANT TO, BUT YOU KNOW THE PROBLEM HAS TO BE MET WITH SOONER OR LATER. YOU HAVE THE CHOICE OF TALK-TIME. BY THEN, THEN PROBLEM PROBABLY WILL HAVE GOTTEN WORSE. WHAT YOU DO NEXT IS YOUR CHOICE, THE DECISION TO TAKE THE CALL OR PUT IT OFF IS ENTIRELY UP TO YOU.

                 IT IS AT A TIME LIKE THIS WHEN JUST A FEW WORDS OF THE RIGHT KIND OF SELF-TALK CAN HELP YOU DO THE RIGHT THING. INSTEAD OF SAYING TO YOURSELF, "OH NO, NOT HIM AGAIN. TELL HIM I'LL CALL HIM BACK, YOU CAN USE SELF-TALK PROBLEM THEN AND THERE. 

                 I LIKE SOLVING PROBLEMS, I ALWAYS DEAL WITH PROBLEMS, AND I

                 NEVER AVOID THEM. I'LL TAKE THE CALL AND I'LL TACKLE THE PROBLEM

                 HEAD-ON.

               I AM OFTEN CONVINCED THAT SITUATIONAL SELF-TALK THIS SEEMINGLY SIMPLEST FORM OF SELF-TALK, IS AT TIMES THE MOST VALUABLE OF ALL. IF YOU ARE CONSCIOUSLY PRACTICING THE OTHER FORMS OF SELF-TALK FOR GETTING YOUR LIFE TOGETHER AND WORKING AT IMPROVING YOURSELF IN OTHER IMPORTANT WAYS, USING SITUATIONAL SELF-TALK BECOMES AN ALMOST AUTOMATIC BY-PRODUCT OF THE OTHER SELFT-TALK YOU ARE USING. BUT UNLESS YOU ARE AWARE OF THIS SPECIAL KIND OF SELF-TALK, YOU MAY NOT RECOGNIZE HOW EASY IT IS TO USE AND HOW MUCH GOOD IT CAN DO FOR YOU.

                       DRIVING YOURSELF 

                             TO DISTRACTION

                           YEARS AGO, I FIT INTO THE CATEGORY OF INDIVIDUALS WHO GIVE THEMSELVES MINOR EMOTIONAL FITS WHEN THEY ARE DRIVING IN TRAFFIC. I KNOW PEOPLE WHO VERBALIZE NEAR-OBSCENTIES (ORWORSE) AT TRAFFIC LIGHTS THAT CHANGE AT THE WRONG TIME OR AT OTHER DRIVERS WHO DO THE WRONG THINGS, LIKE PULLING IN FRONT OF THEM OR CUTTING THEM OFF. WHEN THEY ARE GOING SOMEWHERE AND ARE ABOUT TO BE LATE THEY HIT, WITH EQUAL FORCE, THE BAKE, THE GAS PEDAL, AND THE HORN.

                   IT DOESN'T SEEM TO HAVE A LOT TO DO WITH HOW IMPORTANT IT IS THAT THEY DIDN'T SEEM TO HAVE A LOT TO DO WITH HOW IMPORTANT IT IS THAT THEY DIDN'T GET STARTED ON TIME. BEHIND THE STEERING WHEEL ALL VENGEANANCE IS METED OUT WITH EQUAL FURY. AFTER THIS EMOTIONAL DRIVING STYLE BECOMES A HABIT, THESE OTHERWISE FIND INDIVIDUALS GET SO USED TO DRIVING WITH STRESS THAT THEY CLUTCH THE STEERING WHEEL WITH THE SAME INDIANPOLIS 500 GRIP EVEN WHEN THEY AREN'T LATE FOR ANYTHING OR WHEN THEY ARE GOING NOWHERE IN PARTICULA.

                I ENJOY RELAXING WHILE AM DRIVING THE CAR.

                I ALWAYS GIVE MYSELF THE NECCESSARY AMOUNT OF TIME TO GET                                    ANYWHERE

               AM GOING, I ALWAYS ARRIVE AT - THE TIME I NEED TO BE THERE.

               TRAFFIC LIGHTS CHANGE AT THEIR OWN DISCRETION:  NOT MINE. IF THE

               LIGHT CHANGES BEFORE I GET THERE , I WILL STOP. WITH FOR THE LIGHT                    TO CHANGE, AND RELAX WHILE I AM WRITING.

                SHOW-MOVING OR STANDING TRAFFIC IS NOT A PROBLEM TO ME. I ENJOY

               THE TIME I HAVE TO ORGANIZE MY THOUGHTS AND THINK ABOUT THOSE 

               THINGS THAT ARE BENEFICIAL TO ME. I WILL GET THERE WHEN I GET                         THERE.

                   BY PRACTICING THIS EACH TIME THE OPPORTUNITY CAME UP, THE SELF-TALK TOOK HOLD. IN TIME I WIRED NEGATIVE DRIVING SELF-TALK OUT OF MY BRAIN AND REPLACED IT WITH A NEW ATTITUDE THAT STILL DRIVES WITH ME TODAY. IT WAS SO OBVIOUS AND SIMPLE TO DO, I MIGHT HAVE COMPLETELY OVERLOOK IT.