THE KEY OF RELATIONSHIP

 

                           

                               SEVEN WAYS TO MAKE

                                    PEOPLE FEEL IMPORTANT

                     THE KEY TO EXCELLENT RELATIONSHIPS WITH OTHERS IS QUITE SIMPLE. MAKE THEM FEEL IMPORTANT. TO THE DEGREE TO WHICH YOU CAN MAKE OTHER PEOPLE FEEL IMPORTANT - STARTING WITH THE MEMBERS OF YOUR FAMILY AND THEN EXTENDING OUTWARD TO YOUR FRIENDS AND COWORKERS - YOU WILL BECOME ONE OF THE MOST POPULAR PEOPLE IN YOUR WORLD.

                      THERE ARE SEVEN WAYS TO MAKE OTHER PEOPLE FEEL IMPORTANT. THESE ARE SIMPLE PRACTICES THAT YOU CAN LEARN THROUGH REPETITION.

                    ACCEPT PEOPLE THE WAY THEY ARE : ONE OF THE DEEPEST CRAVINGS OF HUMAN NATURE IS TO BE ACCEPTED BY OTHER PEOPLE WITHOUT JUDGMENT, EVALUATION, OR CRITICISM. PSYCHOLOGISTS CALL THIS BAHAVIOR "UNCONDITIONAL POSITIVE REGARD". THIS IS WHEN YOU ACCEPT THE OTHER PERSON COMPLETELY, WITHOUT RESERVATION,FOR EXACTLY THE WAY HE OR SHE IS.

                  BECAUSE MOST PEOPLE ARE JUDGMENTAL AND CRITICAL, TO BE UNCONDITONALLY ACCEPTED BY ANOTHER PERSON RAISES THAT PERSON'S SELF-ESTEEM, REINFORCES HIS OR HER SELF-IMAGE, AND MAKES THAT PERSON FEEL HAPPY ABOUT HIM OR HERSELF.

                  IN THE MOVIE, BRIDGET JONES DIARY, THE ENTIRE FOCUS WAS ON THE DISCOVERY BY BRIDGET THAT SHE HAD FOUND A MAN "WHO LIKES ME JUST THE WAY I AM". THIS WAS CONSIDERED TO BE SUCH AN AMAZING THING TO HAPPEN. ALL HER FRIENDS WERE ASTONISHED THAT ANYONE COULD EVER HAVE A RELATIONSHIP BASED ON UNCONDITIONAL ACCEPTANCE BY ANOTHER PERSON.

                  WHEN YOU LOOK AT OTHER PEOPLE AND GIVE THEM A GENUINE SMILE, THEY FEEL HAPPIER ABOUT THEMSELVES. THEIR SELF-ESTEEM GOES UP. THEY FEEL MORE VALUABLE AND IMPORTANT. 

                     WHEN YOU STOP THINKING ABOUT YOURSELF AND THE IMPRESSION YOU ARE MAKING ON OTHERS AND INSTEAD START THINKING ABOUT OTHERS AND THE IMPRESSION YOU ARE MAKING ON OTHERS AND INSTEAD START THINKING ABOUT OTHERS AND THE IMPRESSION THEY ARE MAKING ON YOU, YOU CAN RELAX. YOU TAKE A DEEP BREATHE AND JUST SMILE AT PEOPLE WHEN YOU MEET THEM AND GREET THEM BOTH AT HOME AND AT WORK. IT IS ONE OF THE MOST POWERFUL SELF-ESTEEM AND RELATIONSHIP-BUILDING BEHAVIORS YOU CAN DO. SMILING AT PEOPLE WHEN YOU MEET THEM AND GREET THEM BOTH AT HOME AND AT WORK. IT IS ONE OF THE MOST POWERFUL SELF-ESTEEM AND RELATIONSHIP-BUILDING BEHAVIORS YOU CAN DO. SMILING AT PEOPLE MAKES THEM FEEL IMPORTANT AND VALUABLE.

                  SHOW YOUR APPRECIATION FOR OTHERS: WHENEVER YOU APPRECIATE ANOTHER PERSON FOR ANYTHING THAT HE OR SHE HAS DONE OR SAID, YOU RAISE THAT PERSON'S SELF-ESTEEM AND MAKE HIM OR HER FEEL THAT PERSON'S SELF-ESTEEM AND MAKE HIM OR HER FEEL MORE IMPORTANT. EXPRESSIONS OF APPRECIATION - FROM SMALL NODS AND SMILES ALL THE WAY THROUGH TO CARDS, LETTERS, AND GIFTS - RAISE PEOPLE'S SELF-ESTEEM AND CAUSE THEM TO LIKE THEMSELVES MORE. AS A RESULT, BY THE LAW OF INDIRECT EFFORT, THEY WILL LIKE YOU MORE AS WELL.

                     THE SIMPLEST WAY TO EXPRESS APPRECIATION IS TO SIMPLY SAY, THAN YOU. THE WORDS, "THANK YOU" ARE DEEPLY APPRECIATED IN ANY LANGUAGE, ANYWHERE IN THE WORLD. I HAVE TRAVELED IN NINETY COUNTRIES, AND THE VERY FIRST THING I DO IS LEARN THE WORDS "PLEASE" AND "THANK YOU" . EACH TIME YOU USE THOSE WORDS, PEOPLE BRIGHTEN UP, SMILE, AND FEEL HAPPY TO BE IN YOUR PRESENCE.

               EVERY TIME YOU SAY THAN YOU, IT HAS AN ALMOST MAGICAL EFFECT ON THE OTHER PERSON. IT MAKES HIM FEEL IMPORTANT AND FAR HAPPIER ABOUT BEING IN YOUR PRESENCE AND HELPING YOU WITH ANYTHING YOU NEED.

                     BE AGREEBLE :THE MOST WELCOMD PEOPLE IN EVERY SITUATION ARE THOSE WHO ARE GENERALLY AGREEABLE AND POSITIVE WHO QUESTION, COMPLAIN, AND DISAGREE ARE SELDOM WELCOM ANYWHERE.

                    WHEN YOU NOD, SMILE, AND AGREE WITH ANOTHER PERSON WHEN HE OR SHE IS TALKING OR EXPRESSION AN OPIONION, YOU MAKE THAT PERSON FEEL INTELLIGENT, RESPECTED, VALUABLE, AND IMPORTANT. WHEN YOU ARE AGREEABLE WITH ANOTHER PERSON, EVERY IF HE SAYS SOMETHING WITH WHICH YOU MAY NOT BE IN COMPLETE ACCORD, YOU MAKE THAT PERSON FEEL HAPPY TO BE IN YOUR PRESENCE.

                  IN MY WORK AS A PROFESSIONAL SPEAKER, I MEET THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE EACH YEAR. THEY COME UP TO ME AND OFTEN EXPRESS OPINIONS ON SUBJECTS ON WHICH I AM OFTEN WELL INFORMED AND THEY OBVIOUSLY ARE NOT. SOMETIMES THEY SAY RIDICULOUS THINGS THAT ARE EITHER NOT TRUE OR MAKE NO SENSE.

                IN EVERY CASE, HOWEVER, I SMILE AND AGREE, NODDING AND ASKING THEM QUESTIONS AND LISTENING TO THEM EXPRESS THEIR IDEAS AND OPINIONS. THEY GO AWAY FEELING THAT THEY HAVE HAD A GOOD CONVERSATION WITH THE SPEAKER AND THAT I PROBABLY AGREE WITH THEM. IT COSTS ME NOTHING AND IT MAKES THEM HAPPY. IT MAKES THEM FEEL IMPORTANT.

                SHOW YOU ADMIRATION : PEOPLE USUALLY INVEST A LOT OF PERSONAL EMOTION IN THEIR POSSESSIONS, TRAITS, AND ACCOMPLISHMENTS. WHEN YOU ADMIRE SOMETHING BELONGING TO ANOTHER PERSON, IT MAKES HIM FEEL HAPPY ABOUT HIMSELF. AS ABRAHAM LINCOLN SAID, 'EVERYBODY LIKE A COMPLIMENT". 

                  EXPRESS YOUR ADMIRATION FOR PEOPLE'S APPEARANCE AND SPECIFIC ITEMS OF THEIR CLOTHING OR DRESS. MEN ARE ESPECIALLY COMPLIMENTED WHEN YOU SAY SOMETHING NICE ABOUT THEIR TIES OR THEIR SHOES. WOMEN ENJOY BEING COMPLIMENTED ABOUT THEIR HAIR OR ANY OTHER ITEM OF THEIR APPEARANCE. PEOPLE SPEND A LOT OF TIME PUTTING THEMSELVES TOGETHER BEFORE THEY GO OUT.

                 YOU CAN ALSO COMPLIMENT A PERSON'S TRAITS OR CHARATERISTICS, SAYING THING SUCH AS, "YOU ARE CERTAINLY PERSISTENT, PEOPLE INVEST THEIR ENTIRE LIVES DEVELOPING TRAITS AND QUALITIES - ESPECIALLY POSITIVE QUALITIES - AND THEY FEEL FLATERED WHEN YOU NOTICE AND COMPLIMENT THEM ON THOSE QUALITIES.

               COMPLIMENT A PERSON'S ACCOMPLISHMENTS. TELL PEOPLE HOW MUCH YOU ADMIRE THEIR HOME OR OFFICE OR THE BUSINESS THEY HAVE BUILT OR THE POSITION THEY HAVE ACHIEVED IN THAT BUSINESS.