ELIMINATE TWO FERS AT ONCE
PSYCHOLOGISTS HAVE FOUND THAT CERTAIN FEARS ARE BUNDLED TOGETHER IN THE SUBCONSCIOUS MIND, LIKE WIRES ON THE SAME CIRCUIT. IF YOU CAN OVERCOME YEAR FEARS IN ONE OF THESE AREAS, YOU WILL ALSO ELIMINATE OTHER FEARS ON THE SAME CIRCUIT.
THE FEAR OF REJECTION, OR CALL RELUCTANCE, SEEMS TO BE BUNDLED TOGETHER WITH THE FEAR OF PUBLIC SPEAKING. WHEN YOU DISCIPLINE YOURSELF TO JOIN TOATMASTERS OR TAKE A DALE CARNEGIE COURSE TO LEARN TO SPEAK CONFIDENTLY ON YOUR FEET, YOUR FEARS OF REJECTION DISAPPEAR AS WELL. YOUR LEVEL OF SELF-CONFIDENCE IN ALL YOUR INTERACTIONS WITH OTHERS INCREASES DRAMATICALLY. YOUR WHOLE LIFE CHANGES IN A POSITIVE WAY.
CONFRONT YOUR FEARS
YOUR ABILITY TO CONFRONT, DEAL WITH, AND ACT IN SPITE OF YOUR FEARS IS THE KEY TO HAPPINESS AND SUCCESS. ONE OF THE BEST EXERCISE YOU CAN PRACTICE IS TO IDENTIFY A PERSON OR SITUATION IN YOUR LIFE OF WHICH YOU ARE AFRAID AND RESOLVE TO DEAL WITH THAT FEAR SITUATION IMMEDIATELY. DO NOT ALLOW IT TO MAKE YOU UNHAPPY FOR ANOTHER MINUTE. RESOLVE TO CONFRONT THE SITUATION OR PERSON AND PUT THE FEAR BEHIND YOU.
A WOMAN IN ONE OF MY SEMINARS TOLD ME THAT HER BOSS WAS A VERY NEGATIVE PERSON. HE WAS CONSTANTLY CRITICIZING AND BERATING HER ABOUT HER WORK, EVEN THOUGH SHE WAS ONE OF THE HIGHEST-RATED EMPLOYEES IN THE ORGANIZATION. HE WAS MAKING HER LIFE MISERABLE. SHE DIDN'T WANT TO GIVE UP HER JOB, BUT SHE WAS AFRAID OF CONFRONTING HIM. SHE ASKED ME WHAT SHE SHOULD DO.
I GAVE HER THIS ADVICE, WHICH I HAVE SUBSEQUENTLY GIVEN TO MANY OTHER PEOPLE. THE ONLY REASON THAT ONE PERSON BULLIES ANOTHER IS HE FEELS HE CAN GET AWAY WITH IT. THE ONLY WAY TO DEAL WITH A BULLY IS TO CONFRONT HIM. BULLIES ARE ACTUALLY COWARDS AT HEART, AND THEY WILL FLEE FROM A CONFRONTATION.
I TOLD HER TO DO THIS, THE NEXT TIME YOUR BOSS CRITICIZES YOU FOR ANY REASON, TURN TO HIM AND SAY, QUITE FIRMLY, "I WOULD APPRECIATE IF YOU NOT TALK TO ME LIKE THAT EVER AGAIN. IT HURTS MY FEELINGS AND STOPS ME FROM DOING MY JOB THE WAY YOU WANT".
I TOLD HER TO LOOK HIM STRAIGHT IN THE EYE AFTER SHE HAD FINISHED MAKING THIS STATEMENT. SHE HAD TREMENDOUS COURAGE. RATHER THAN PUTTING UP WITH THIS SITUATION ANY LONGER, THE NEXT TIME HER BOSS BEGAN TO BERATE HER, SHE SQUARD OFF WITH HIM AND SAID THOSE WORDS.
SHE WROTE TO ME AND TOLD ME WHAT HAD HAPPENED. JUST AS I HAD PREDICTED, HE STOPPED DEAD IN HIS TRACKS. HE IMMEDIATELY APOLOGIZED AND MUMBLED AND THEN QUICKLY WENT BACK TO HIS OFFICE. HE NEVER CRITICIZED HER AGAIN. SHE TOLD ME THAT SHE COULD HAVE ENDED HIS BAD TREATMENT OF HER MANY MONTHS BEFORE IF SHE HAD ONLY HAD THE COURAGE TO CONFRONT HIM DIRECTLY THE FIRST TIME IT HAPPENED.
MOVE TOWARD THE FEAR
WHEN YOU IDENTIFY A FEA AND DISCIPLINE YOURSELF TO MOVE TOWARD IT, IT GROWS SMALLER AND MORE MANAGEABLE. WHAT'S MORE, AS YOUR FEARS GROW SMALLER, YOUR CONFIDENCE GROWS. SOON, YOUR FEARS LOSE THEIR CONTROL OVER YOU.
IN CONTRAST, WHEN YOU BACK AWAY FROM A FEAR-INDUCING SITUATION OR PERSON, YOUR FEAR GROWS LARGER AND LARGER. SOON IT DOMINATES YOUR THINKING AND FEELING, PREOCCUPIES YOU DURING THE DAY, AND OFTEN KEEPS YOU AWAKE AT NIGHT.
POINTS TO UNDERSTAND
1. IDENTIFY YOUR THREE BIGGEST FEARS IN LIFE, RIGHT NOW. WHAT ARE THEY?
2. DETERMINE WHAT YOU WOULD DO IN EACH OF THESE SITUATION IF YOU WERE GUARANTEED OF COMPLETE SUCCESS. WHAT ACTIONS WOULD YOU TAKE?
3. WHAT HAVE YOU ALWAYS WANTED TO DO BUT BEEN AFRAID TO ATTEMPT? WHAT WOULD YOU DO DIFFERENTLY IF YOU WERE GUARANTEED SUCCESS?
4. IN WHAT THREE AREAS OF LIFE AND WORK DO YOU MOST EXPERIENCE THE FEARS OF FAILURE AND LOSS? WHAT STEPS COULD YOU GUARANTEED SUCCESS?
5. IN WHAT THREE AREAS OF LIFE DO YOU MOST EXPERIENCE THE FEARS OF CRITICISM, REJECTION, OR EMBARRASSMENT? HOW COULD YOU CONFRONT THESE FEARS AND OVERCOME THEM?
6. WHAT ONE GREAT GOAL WOULD YOU SET FOR YOURSELF IF YOU KNEW YOU COULD NOT FAIL?
7. WHAT WOULD YOU DO DIFFERENTLY IN LIFE IF YOU HAD $20 MILLION IN THE BANK, BUT ONLY TEN YEARS LEFT TO LIVE?
