MALE-FEMALE
COMMUNICATION SKILLS
MEN AND WOMEN ARE DIFFERENT IN MANY WAYS. ACCORDING TO MRI SCANS, WHEN MEN COMMUNICATE, THEY USE ONLY TWO CENTERS OF THEIR BRAINS. WHEN WOMEN COMMUNICATE, THEY USE SEVEN CENTERS OF THEIR BRAINS. IT IS AS THOUGH MEN HAVE TWO HEADLIGHTS WITH WHICH TO COMMUNICATE, WHEREAS A WOMAN'S BRAIN IS LIKE A FULLY LIT CHRISTMAS TREE.
MEN CAN PROCESS ONLY ONE SENSORY INPUT AT A TIME, WHEREAS WOMEN CAN PROCESS ONLY ONE SENSORY INPUTS. WHEN A MAN IS WATCHING TELEVISION, HE DOES NOT SEE OR HEAR ANYTHING ELSE, INCLUDING WORDS SPOKEN TO HIM FROM THE SIDE OR BEHIND. HE BECOMES TOTALLY FIXATED ON THE VISUAL IMAGES AND WORDS ON THE SCREEN.
WHEN A MAN IS DRIVING A CAR, HE HAS TO TURN DOWN THE RADIO TO READ THE MAP. HE HAS TO TURN DOWN THE TELEVISION OR RADIO TO ANSWER THE TELEPHONE. HE CANNOT READ AND LISTEN OR WATCH AT THE SAME TIME. MEN CAN DO MANY THINGS EXTREMELY WELL, BUT THEY CAN DO ONLY ONE THING AT A TIME MEN TEND TO BE VERY FOCUSED.
WOMEN, ON THE OTHER HAND, CAN TALK, MAKE DINNER, WATCH TELEVISION, READ THE DAY'S MAIL, AND TALK TO HER CHILDREN OR HUSBAND ALL AT ONCE. THEY ARE MULTIMENSIONAL AND CAN PROCESS SEVERAL INPUTS STIMULTANEOUSLY. THEY CAN TALK AND LISTEN AT THE SAME TIME AND BE AWARE OF WHAT OTHER PEOPLE AROUND THEM ARE DOING AND SAYING.
WOMEN ARE RELATIONSHIP EXPERTS. THEY ARE VERY SENSITIVE TO OTHER PEOPLE. WHEN A MAN AND WOMAN ATTEND A SOCIAL GATHERING, WITHIN TEN MINUTES, THE WOMAN WILL HAVE DONE AN ANALYSIS AND ASSESSMENT OF THE SITUATION OF EACH OF THER OTHER PEOPLE IN THE ROOM. IN CONTRAST, THE MAN ACCOMPANYING THE WOMAN WILL HAVE NOTICED LITTLE OR NOTHING. THIS IS BECAUSE MEN ARE SIMPLE AND STRAIGHTFORWARD IN THEIR THINKING, WHEREAS WOMAN ARE COMPLEX, AWARE OF SMALL DETAILS, AND EXTEMELY SENSITIVE TO THE DYNAMICS AND NUANCES OF THE RELATIONSHIPS OF THE PEOPLE AROUND THEM.
A MAN CAN CALL HIS WIFE ON THE PHONE AND SAY, "HELLO" ALTHOUGH SHE HAS ONLY HEARD ONE WORD, SHE WILL IMMEDIATELY ASK, "WHAT'S WRONG? SHE CAN PICK UP A WEALTH OF MEANING AND EMOTION FROM A SINGLE WORD ON THE PHONE OR A SINGLE GLANCE OR LOOK WHEN HE WALKS IN THE DOOR.
RELATIONSHIP-BUILDING
TAKES EFFORT
BECAUSE OF THE MANY DIFFERENCE BETWEEN MEN AND WOMEN, IT TAKES TREMENDOUNS DISCIPLINE TO BUILD AND MAINTAIN A LONG-TERM, LOVING, AND HAPPY RELATIONSHIP.
PERHAPS THE MOST IMPORTANT AREA OF MUTUAL COMPATIBILITY HAS TO DO WITH THE DISCIPLINE OF LISTENING. IT IS ONLY WHEN TWO PEOPLE TAKE THE TIME TO LISTEN CLOSELY AND CAREFULLY TO EACH OTHER WHEN THEY SPEAK THAT THE LINES OF COMMUNICATIONS STAY OPEN, AND THIS IS WHEN LOVE AND HARMONY CONTINUE IN THE RELATIONSHIP.
THERE ARE FOUR SIMPLE DISCIPLINE OF EFFECTIVE LISTENING. THERE ARE MOSTLY OF IMPORATANCE TO MEN, WHO ARE NOTORIOUSLY POOR LISTENERS, ESPECIALLY WITH THE WOMEN IN THEIR LIVES. THIS IS NOT BECAUSE THEY ARE NOT INTERESTED. IT IS SIMPLY BECAUSE THEIR MINDS ARE FOCUSED ON SOMETHING ELSE AND THEY ARE EASILY DISTRACTED.
THE DISCIPLINES OF LISTENING
LISTEN ATTENTIVELY. THE FIRST DISCIPLINE IS TO LISTEN ATTENTIVELY, WITHOUT INTERRUPTING. LISTEN AS THOUGH THE OTHER PERSON IS ABOUT TO REVEAL GREAT SECRET OR THE WINNING LOTERY NUMBER AND YOU WILL HEAR IT ONLY ONCE.
WHEN SHE WANTS TO TALK TO YOU, IF YOU ARE A MAN, PUT ASIDE ALL POSSIBLE DISTRACTIONS. TURN OFF THE TELEVISION OR RADIO. PUT DOWN THE NEWSPAPER OR MAIL. FACE HER DIRECTLY, LEAN SLIGHTLY FORWARD, AND CONCENTRATE SINGLE-MINDEDLY ON WHAT SHE IS SAYING.
AFFECTION IS EXPRESSED BY PAYING TOTAL ATTENTION TO HER WHEN SHE SPEAKS. SINCE YOU ALWAYS PAY ATTENTION TO WHAT YOU MOST VALUE, WHEN YOU PAY CLOSE ATTENTION TO ANOTHER PERSON WHILE SPEAKS, YOU TELL THAT PERSON THAT SHE IS OF GREAT VALUE TO YOU. THIS SATISFIES THE DEEPEST SUBCONSCIOUS NEEDS OF A WOMAN - TO FEEL VALUABLE, IMPORTANT, AND RESPECTED.
PAUSE BEFORE REPLYING . THE SECOND DISCIPLINE OF LISTENING IS TO PAUSE BEFORE REPLYING. TAKE A FEW SECONDS TO CAREFULLY CONSIDER WHAT HED OR SHE HAS SAID. WHEN YOU PAUSE, YOU AVOID THE RISK OF INTERRUPTING THE OTHER PERSON IF SHE IS JUST REFORMULATING HER THOUGHTS . YOU TELL HER THAT YOU VALUE WHAT SHE SAID AND THAT YOU ARE GIVING HER WORDS CAREFUL CONSIDERATION.
ANOTHER ADVANTAGE OF PAUSING, OF ALLOWING A SILENCE IN THE CONVERSATION. IS THAT IT ENABLES YOU TO HEAR NOT ONLY WHAT WAS SAID, BUT ALSO WHAT WAS NOT SAID OR WHAT WAS SAID BETWEEN THE LINES. THE ACTUAL MESSAGE SOAKS INTO A DEEPER LEVEL OF YOUR MIND, ENABLING YOU TO UNDERSTAND BETTER AND TO THEREFORE RESPOND WITH GREATER AWARENESS AND SENSITIVITY.
ASK CLARIFICATION. THE THIRD DISCIPLINE OF EFFECTIVE LISTENING IS TO QUESTION FOR CLARIFICATION. NEVER ASSUME THAT YOU AUTOMATICALLY KNOW WHAT THE OTHER PERSON IS THINKING OR FEELING, INSTEAD, IF YOU ARE AT ALL UNCLEAR SIMPLY ASK,
HOW DO YOU MEAN? OR HOW DO YOU MEAN, EXACTLY?
IT IS WHEN YOU ASK QUESTIONS AND SEEK CLARITY AND MEANING THAT YOU DEMONSTRATE TO THE OTHER PERSON THAT YOU REALLY CARE ABOUT WHAT HE OR SHE IS SAYING, AND THAT YOU ARE GENUINELY INTERESTED IN UNDERSTANDING HOW HE OR SHE THINKS AND FEELS.
