YOUR SLANG
WE SHOULD DEAL WITH EACH OTHER SENSITIVELY, OUR ATTITUDE TOWARDS LIFE AFFECTS, HOW WE ACT IN OUR RELATIONSHIPS.
A GENTLE ANSWER TURNS AWAY WRATH, BUT A HARSH WORD
STIRS UP ANGER
---- SOLOMON
WHAT DO YOU MEAN HOW YOU TREAT YOUR WIFE? I ASKED HIM, ALARMED. I HAD BEEN TO THEIR HOUSE AND FOUND NOTHING AMISS. WAS THERE SOMETHING HE WASN'T SHARING?
IT'S NOT WHAT IT SOUNDS LIKE, HE SAID, BLUSHING, ITS JUST THAT WE ARE CONSTANTLY FIGHTING AND BICKERING. SHE ALWAYS WANTS TO CHANGE THINGS ABOUT ME, AND I END UP LEAVING THE ROOM WHEN SHE STARTS WITH HER SUGGESTIONS.
I WAS QUITE TAKEN ABLACK BY HIS COMMENTS. HOW PEOPLE HEHAVE IN PUBLIC CAN BE VERY DIFFERENT FROM HOW THEY ARE IN THEIR PRIVATE LIVES.
JUST A FEW MINUTES AGO I WAS EXPERIENCING THE WARMTH IN THE EXCHANGES BETWEEN YOU TWO, I SAID,
I SUPPORSE WE ACT DIFFERENTLY DEPENDING ON WHOSE COMPANY WE ARE IN, HE PAUSED FOR A MOMENT. HOW CAN WE MAINTAIN THE "SPARK" THAT WE ONCE HAD?. WHAT YOU WITNESSED AT MY HOME TODAY WAS WHAT IT WAS CONSTANTLY LIKE IN. AMERICA WHEN WE WERE TOGETHER, BUT IT SLOWLY STARTED TO FIZZLED OUT. WHY DOES THIS HAPPEN?
THERE WAS A SERIES OF THINGS I WANTED TO SAY. I STARTED BY COMFORTING HIM, "THIS HAPPENS WITH ALL RELATIONSHIPS , NOT JUST IN MARRIAGES. IF WE ARE NOT PROACTIVE IN OUR RELATIONSHIPS, THEY START TO SEEM DRY AND BECOME CUMBERSOME. WE HAVE TO HAVE RESPECT FOR THE OTHER PERSON, WHICH IS REFLECTED IN HOW SENSITIVELY WE TREAT HIM'.
I HAD ANOTHER ANECODOTE TO SHARE:
HARSH WORDS FLY'
THE WHEELS OF THE PLANE SCREECHED AS WE LANDED ON THE TARMAC O FHEATHROW AIRPORT, LONDON. AS A CROWD GATHERED IN THE AISLE - WITH PEOPLE QUICK TO DISOBEY THE FASTEN-SEATBELT SIGN, WHICH WE STILL ON - I CLOSED MY EYES STILL SITTING IN MY SEAT, PLANNING FOR WHAT I NEEDED TO DO AT THE TERMINAL. IT WAS MY NINTH TIME IN LONDON. BY NOW I WAS USED TO LONG IMMIGRATION LINES, CHECK-IN BAGS ALREADY WALTZING AROUND THE BAGGAGE CAROUSEL AND MY FRIENDS WAITING TO PICK ME UP AT THE ARRIVALS.
AS THE LINE TO EXIT THE PLANE THINNED, I DEFTLY UNCLIPPED MY SEATBELT (THIS WAS THE ONLY PART OF THE SAFETY DEMONSTRATION WHICH I HAD MASTERED) AND STRETCHED LETHARGICALLY. IT HAS BEEN A TEN-HOUR FLIGHT FROM MUMBAI, TORRENTIAL RAINS MEANS OUR PLANE WAS CIRCLING THE ENGLISH CAPITAL FOR THREE-QUARTERS OF AN HOUR. A MEMBER OF THE CREW BROUGHT MY BAG DOWN FROM THE CABIN ABOVE, EXEMPLIFYING THEIR EXCELLENT SERVICE DURING THE FIGHT. SEEING MY SAFFRON ROBES, I FELT THEY WERE BIASED TOWARDS ME AT TIMES, GIVING ME AN EXTRA PILLOW OR A LARGER TOMATO JUICE. ALTHOUGH I NEVER FELT ENTITLD TO THIS, I THANKED THEM.
SUMMARY :
I TEND TO TRAVEL LIGHT WHEN I GO ABROAD. THE GREAT THING ABOUT BEING A MONKIS THAT YOU DON'T HAVE TO DECIDE WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING (ORANGE EVERY DAY), YOU DON'T NEED TO WORRY ABOUT GROOMING YOUR HAIR (YOU DON'T HAVE ANY) AND YOU BAGS ARE TINY (YOU OWN VERY LITTLE). HAVING FEWER POSSESSIONS FREES ONE OF ANXIETY, GIVING YOU MORE MIND-SPACE FOR THE VITAL THINGS IN LIFE.
* WE MUST BE SENSITIVE WITH OUR WORDS AND ACTIONS. BEING SENSITIVE MEANS TO THINK ABOUT HOW THE OTHER PERSON MAY FEEL BEFORE WE SAY OR DO SOMETHING. FOR EXAMPLE, MANASI'S NEGATIVE EXPERIENCE AT THE ASHRAM THAT I RESIDE IN AFFECTED HER OUTLOOK ON THE WHOLE COMMUNITY.
* HOW DE WE PRACTISE BEING SENSITIVE? WE MUST TREAT EVEN INANIMATE OBJECTS WITH CONSIDERATION AND RESPECT. IF WE DO NOT, THEN THE MENTALITY OF INSENSITIVITY MAY BECOME A PART OF OUR GENERAL ATTITUDE.
* ONE'S INSTINCT OR GENERAL ATTITUDE DOES NOT DISCRIMINATE BETWEEN THINGS AND PEOPLE. TREATING THINGS BADLY CAN AFFECT OUR ATTITUDE NEGATIVELY, WHICH MAY PERCOLATE INTO OUR RELATIONSHIPS.
* SEEING THE BEST IN PEOPLE CAN BE CHALLENGING AT TIMES, ESPECIALLY WHEN WE ARE IN CONSTANT PROXIMITY TO THEM.
* WE CAN PERCEIVE PEOPLE IN THE FOLLOWING FIVE WAYS:
👀 SEE ONLY BAD AND MAGNIFY IT.
👀 SEE GOOD AND BAD, NEGLECT THE GOOD AND FOCUS ON THE BAD.
👀 SEE GOOD AND BAD, AND BE NEUTRAL TO BOTH.
👀 SEE GOOD AND BAD, CHOOSE TO FOCUS ON THE GOOD AND NEGLECT THE BAD.
👀 SEE THE GOOD AND MAGNIFY IT.
* THE IDEAL STATE IS THE FOURTH STAGE, IN WHICH ONE'S RELATIONSHIPS FLOURISH.
* REACHING THE FOURTH STAGE TAKES CONSISTENT HARD WORK AND PRACTICE.
BEFORE SPEAK ANY
❤ SAYING THINGS IN ANGER DAMAGES OUR RELATIONSHIPS. HENCE, WE SHOULD TRY TO AVOID DOING SO.
❤ IF WE NEED TO GIVE CORRECTIVE FEEDBACK, WE SHOULD INVEST TONNES OF PRAISE AND TRUST INTO A PERSON BEFORE DOING SO.
❤ THINK : WITH REGARD TO THE STORY IN NEPAL, I COULD DEAL WITH THE EMOTIONAL HURT BECAUSE I REALIZED HOW MUCH THE INDIVIDUAL CORRECTING ME HAD DONE FOR ME IN THE PAST.
❤ CORRECTIVE FEEDBACK IS AN ART. IT HAS FOUR PRINCIPLES. ASK YOURSELF:
❤ AM I THE RIGHT PERSON TO GIVE CORRECTIVE FEEDBACK?
❤ DO I HAVE THE RIGHT MOTIVE TO GIVE CORRECTIVE FEEDBACK?
❤ DO I KNOW THE RIGHT WAY TO GIVE CORRECTIVE FEEDBACK?
❤ IS IT THE RIGHT TIME?
THE SMOOTH IMPLEMENTATION OF THESE FOUR PRINCIPLES TAKES TIME BECAUSE GIVING CORRECTIVE FEEDBACK INSENSITIVELY HAS BECOME AN ADDICTIVE HABIT FOR MANY.
👀👀👀
