THE POWER OF FORGIVENESS
ONE OF THE MOST IMPORTANT OF ALL VALUES THAT YOU TEACH YOUR CHILDREN IS FORGIVENESS. THE INABILITY TO FORGIVE LIES AT TEH ROOT OF MOST NEGATIVE EMOTIONS. WHEN YOU PRACTICE FORGIVENESS, WHEN YOU FREELY LET THINGS GO, YOUR CHILDREN GROW UP WITH THE ABILITY OF FORGIVE AS WELL. THIS SAVES THEM FROM YEARS OF UNHAPPINESS AS THE RESULT OF SOMEONE HURTING THEM IS OME WAY, WHICH WILL ALWAYS HAPPEN.
MY PARENTS WERE ADAMANT AND INFLEXIBLE. THEY HAD LOW SELF-ESTEEM AS THE RESULT OF DIFFICULT DEPRESSION-ERA CHILHOODS. AS A RESULT, ONCE THEY HAD TAKEN A POSITION ON ANY SUBJECT, AS A RESULT, ONCE THEY HAD TAKEN A POSITION ON ANY SUBJECT, HOWEVER WRONG, THEY COULD NEVER BACK DOWN AND ADMIT THAT THEY WERE WRONG.
I RESOLVED THAT WHEN I HAD CHILDREN, I WOULD DO EXACTLY THE OPPOSITE. FROM THE TIME MY DAUGHTER CHRISTINA WAS THE OPPOSITE. FROM THE TIME MY DAUGHTER CHRISTINA WAS A LITTLE GIRL, IF I SHOUTED AT HER FOR ANY REASON. I WOULD ALWAYS GO TO HER AND APOLOGIZE. I WOULD SAY, "I SHOULD NOT HAVE SHOUTED AT YOU. I WAS WRONG, WILL YOU FORGIVE ME?
WHEN YOU RAISE CHILDREN, THEY WILL MAKE COUNTLESS MISTAKES WHILE THEY ARE GROWING UP. SOMETIMES YOU WILL OVERREACT. UNLESS YOU ARE A SAINT, THIS IS ALMOST IMPOSSIBLE FOR YOU NOT TO DO. HOWEVER, WHENEVER YOU MAKE A MISTAKE WITH YOUR CHILD, YOU SHOULD HAVE THE COURAGE AND COMPASSION TO REALIZE THAT DESTRUCTIVE CRITICISM FROM A PARENT IS EXTREMELY PAINFUL TO A CHILD, GO AND TAKE IT BACK. APOLOGIZE AND ASK YOUR CHILD FOR JUSTIFY REACTING IN A NEGATIVE AND HURTFUL WAY TOWARD YOUR CHILD, JUST SAY, I APOLOGIZE , WILL YOU FORGIVE M?
AND THEY ALWAYS WILL. THE MINUTE YOU APOLOGIZE AND ASK YOUR CHILDREN TO FORGIVE YOU FOR ANYTHING THAT YOU MAY HAVE DONE TO HURT THEM, YOU LIBERATE THEM FROM FEELINGS OF NEGATIVITY OR INFERIORITY. BY TAKING IT BACK, YOU ALLOW THEM TO BE HAPPY AND CONFIDENT ONCE MORE.
TEACHING YOUR CHILDREN
IS NEVER ENDING
DEVELOPING PROPER VALUES AND TEACHING PROPER CONDUCT TO YOUR CHILDREN IS A LIFELONG JOB. YOU CANNOT GIVE A SINGLE LECTURE ON TRUTHFULNESS AND COMPASSION AND THEN FORGET ABOUT IT. YOU MUST REPEAT THE LESSON BY DISCUSSION AND EXAMPLE OVER AND OVER, YEAR AFTER YEAR, ALL THE TIME WHILE YOUR CHILDREN ARE WITH YOU.
IN A LETTER TO MISS MANNERS, A PARENT ASKED, "HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE TO TEACH MY CHILDREN TABLE MANNERS? NO MATTER WHAT I SAY, IT SEEMS THAT MY CHILDREN STILL EAT IN AN UNMANNERD AND DISORGANIZED WAY". MISS MANNERS RESPONDED BY SAYING, "BE PATIENT. IT TAKES ABOUT FIFTEEN YEARS OF CONTINUAL REPETITION TO TEACH YOUR CHILDREN TABLE MANNERS. AND EVEN THEN, THERE ARE NO GUARANTEES THAT YOUR INSTRUCTION WILL BE SUCCESSFUL".
BE THEIR ROLE MODEL
OF COURSE, IF YOU ANT CHILDREN TO BEHAVE IN A CERTAIN WAY, YOU MUST MODEL THAT METHOD OF BEHAVIOR CONTINUALLY, YEAR AFTER YEAR. IF YOU WANT YOUR CHILDREN TO DRESS PROPERLY, YOU MUST DRESS PROPERLY. IF YOU WANT GROOM YOURSELF PROPERLY AS WELL. IF YOU WANT YOUR CHILDREN TO BE ORGANIZED AND EFFICIENT, YOU MUST SHOW THEM THE WAY BY BEING ORGANIZED AND EFFICIENT YOURSELF.
REMEMBER EACH DAY THAT YOUR CHILDREN ARE GOING TO BEHAVE THE WAY THAT YOU BEHAVE FOR THE REST OF THEIR LIVES. WHEN YOU THINK LIKE THIS, IT FORCES YOU TO PRACTICE HIGHER LEVELS OF SELF-DISCIPLINE AND SELF-CONTROL, KNOWING THAT THE CONSEQUENCES OF YOUR BEHAVIORS ARE GOING TO AFFECT YOUR CHILDREN'S CHANCES IN LIFE MANY YEARS FROM NOW.
THE DISCIPLINE OF RAISING CHILDREN SO THAT THEY GROW UP WITH HIGH SELF-ESTEEM, BEING POSITIVE AND CONFIDENT IN THEMSELVES AND THEIR OWN VALUE, IS ONE OF THE MOST IMPORTANT THINGS EVER DO. THE RESULTS OF YOUR CHILDREARING WILL LAST YOU ALL THE YEARS OF YOUR LIFE.
POINTS TO UNDERSTAND
1. WHAT TWO QUALITIES WOULD YOU LIKE YOUR CHILDREN TO IDENTIFY WITH YOU BY OBSERVING YOUR BEHAVIOR?
2. WHAT TWO QUALITIES WOULD YOU LIKE MOST TO INSTILL IN YOUR CHILDREN, AND HOW COULD YOU ACHIEVE THIS?
3. IF YOU WERE AN EXCELLENT ROLE MODEL FOR YOUR CHILDREN, HOW WOULD YOUR BEHAVIOR BE DIFFERENT , STARTING TODAY?
4. WHAT MISTAKES HAVE YOUR CHILDREN MADE THAT YOU SHOULD FORGIVE AND FORGET ABOUT, STARTING IMMEDIATELY?
5. WHAT ACTIONS ARE YOU GOING TO TAKE IMMEDIATELY TO SPEND MORE TIME WITH YOUR CHILDREN?
6. WHAT ACTIONS COULD YOU TAKE TO INSTILL THE QUALITY OF TRUTHFULNESS IN YOUR CHILDREN?
7. HOW COULD YOU ENCOURAGE AND REWARD YOUR CHILDREN SO THAT THEY PRACTICE GREATER SELF-DISCIPLINE, SELF-CONTROL, AND SELF-MASTERY?
