ATTITUDE

                                               A DEFINITION OF ATTITUDE

                    THINK OF YOUR ATTITUDE AS THE MENTAL FILTER THROUGH WHICH YOU EXPERIENCE THE WORLD. SOME PEOPLE SEE THE WORLD THROUGH THE FILTER OF OPTIMISM (THE GLASS BEING HALF FULL) WHILE OTHERS SEE LIFE THROUGH A FILTER OF OPTIMISM  (THE GLASS BEING HALF EMPTY). LET ME GIVE YOU SOME EXAMPLES TO EXPLAIN THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A POSITIVE ATTITUDE A NEGATIVE ATTITUDE.

* THE PERSON WITH THE NEGATIVE ATTITUDE THINKS " I CAN'T".

* THE PERSON WITH THE POSITIVE ATTITUDE THINK "I CAN".

* THE PERSON WITH THE NEGATIVE ATTITUDE DWELLS ON PROBLEM.

* THE PERSON WITH THE POSITIVE ATTITUDE CONCENTRATES ON SOLUTIONS.

* THE PERSON WITH THE NEGATIVE ATTITUDE FINDS FAULT WITH OTHERS.

* THE PERSON WITH THE POSITIVE ATTITUDE LOOKS FOR THE GOOD IN OTHERS.

* THE PERSON WITH THE NEGATIVE ATTITUDE FOCUSES ON WHAT'S MISSING.

* THE PERSON WITH THE POSITIVE ATTITUDE COUNTS HIS OF HER BLESSINGS.

* THE PERSON WITH THE NEGATIVE ATTITUDE SEES LIMITATIONS.

* THE PERSON WITH THE POSITIVE ATTITUDE SEES POSSIBILITIES.

               

                         I COULD GO ON AND ON WITH EXAMPLES, BUT I'M SURE YOU GET THE IDEA. WHEN I TALK TO AUDIENCE ABOUT ATTITUDE, I OFTEN LIKE TO USE WORD PICTURES. THEY HELP PEOPLE TO UNDERSTAND AND REMEMBER WHAT I SAID. LET ME POINT THIS PICTURE FOR YOU: YOUR ATTITUDE IS YOUR WINDOW TO THE WORLD.

SUCCESS

                                        DONT COUNT ON OVERNIGHT SUCCESS

                             BEFORE CONCLUDING, I'D LIKE TO CLARIFY A FEW THINGS ABOUT POSITIVE THINKING AND THE POWER OF OUR THOUGHTS. FIRST OF ALL, POSITIVE THINKING DOESN'T MEAN THAT YOU'LL ACHIEVE YOUR GOALS OVERNIGHT. IT'S NOT AS IF YOU START THINKING ABOUT MAKING MORE MONEY AND THE NEXT MORNING YOU WAKE UP AND FIND A STACK OF DOLLERS BILLS AT YOUR BEDSIDE. NOT BY A LONG SHOT. SUCCESS REQUIRES EFFORT, COMMITMENT AND PATIENCE.

                            AND SECONDLY, POSITIVE THINKING DOES'T MEAN YOU WON'T HAVE ANY MORE PROBLEMS. BELIEVE ME, YOU'LL HAVE PLENTY OF SETBACKS ALONG THE WAY. HOWEVER, IF YOU CONTINUE TO BELEIVE IN YOURSELF, TAKE ACTIONS AND PERSIST, YOU'LL OVERCOME THOSE OBTACLES.

                           REMEMBER, YOU ARE ONSTANLY MOVING IN THE DIRECTIONS OF YOUR DOMINATE THOUGHTS AND BELIEFS. NEGATIVE THINKING YIELDS NEGATIVE RESULTS....AND POSITIVE THINKING PRODUCES POSITIVE THOUGHTS CAN COME SHINING THROUGH.

                         IT SIMPLY MAKES NO SENSE TO THINK NEGATIVE THOUGHTS... UNLESS YOU WANT TO GET NEGATIVE RESULTS. AND I KNOW YOU DON'T WANT THAT HAPPEN

                          SO, FROM THIS POINT FORWARD, CHOOSE YOUR THOUGHTS WISELY AND USE THIS POWERFUL PRINCIPLE TO GET FANTASTIC RESULTS IN YOUR LIFE!.

POSITIVE MIND

                                     FEED YOUR MIND GOOD THOUGHTS

                JUST AS OUR BODIES NEED GOOD FOOD EVERY DAY, OUR MINDS NEED GOOD THOUGHTS EVERRYDAY. THE KEY WORDS IN THE PRECENDING SENTENCES ARE GOOD FOOD FOOD AND GOOD THOUGHTS. IF WE FEED OUR BODY WITH JUNK FOOD AND OUR MIND WITH BAD THOUGHTS, WE WILL HAVE BOTH A SICK BODY AND A SICK MIND. WE NEED TO FEED OUR MIND WITH THE PURE AND THE POSITIVE TO STAY ON TRACK.

                                               BUILD A POSITIVE SEFT ESTEEM 

                SELF-ESTEEM IS THE WAY WE FEEL ABOUT OURSELVES. WHEN WE FEEL GOOD WITHIN, OUR PERFORMANCE GOES UP AND OUR RELATIONSHIP IMPROVE BOTH AT HOME AND AT WORK. THE WORLD LOOKS NICER. WHAT COULD BE THE REASON? BECAUSE THERE IS A DIRECT CORRELATION BETWEEN OUR FEELINGS AND BEHAVIOUR.

                                      START YOUR DAY WITH SOMETHING POSITIVE

                      READ OR LISTEN TO SOMETHING POSITIVE FIRST THING IN THE MORNING. AFTER A GOOD NIGHT'S SLEEP WE ARE RELAXED AND OUR SUBCONCIOUS IS RECEPTIVE. ITS SETS THE TONE FOR THE DAY, AND PUTS US IN THE RIGHT FRAME OF MIND TO MAKE THE DAY A POSITIVE DAY. IN ORDER TO BRING ABOUT CHANGE, WE NEED TO MAKE A CONSCIOUS EFFORT AND BE COMMITTED TO MAKE POSITIVE THOUGHTS AND BEHAVIOUR PART OF OUR LIVES, PRACTICE HAVING POSITIVE THOUGHTS AND BEHAVIOUR DAILY UNTIL THE BECOME A HABIT.

                         WILLIAM JAMES OF HARVARD UNIVERSITY SAID," IF YOU ARE GOING TO CHANGE YOUR LIFE, YOU NEED TO START IMMEDIATELY". 

THE SECRET

                    YOU ARE MEAN TO HAVE AN AMAZING LIFE

 

               YOU ARE MEANT TO HAVE EVERYTHING YOU LOVE AND DESIRE. YOUR WORK IS   MEANT TO BE EXCITING, AND YOU ARE MEANT TO ACCOMPLISH ALL THE THINGS YOU   WOULD LOVE TO ACCOMPLISH, YOUR RELATIONSHIPS WITH YOUR FAMILY AND   FRIENDS ARE MEANT TO BE FILLED WITH HAPPINESS. YOU ARE MEANT TO HAVE ALLTHE MONEY YOU NEED TO LIVE A FULL, WONDERFUL LIFE. YOU ARE MEANT TO BE LIVING YOUR DREAM- ALL OF THEM! IF YOU WANT TO TRAVEL, YOUR ARE MEANT TO TRAVEL. IF YOU WOULD LOVE TO START A BUSINESS, YOU ARE MEANT TO START A BUSINESS, IF YOU WOULD LOVE OR LEARN TO DANCE OR LEARN HOW TO SAIL A YACHT OR STUDY ITALIAN, YOU ARE MEANT TO DO THOSE THINGS, IF YOU INVENTOR, A PERFORMER, A PARENT, OR WHATEVER IT IS YOU WOULD LOVE TO BE, YOU ARE MENT TO BE IT!

             WHEN YOU WAKE UP EACH DAY, YOU SHOULD BE FILLED WITH EXCITEMENT BECAUSE YOU KNOW THE DAY IS GOING TO BE FULL OF GREAT THINGS. YOU ARE MEANT TO FEEL STRONG AND SAFE. YOU ARE MEANT TO FEEL GOOD ABOUT YOURSELF AND KNOW YOU'RE INVALUABLE. OF COURSE THERE ,WILL BE CHALLENGES IN YOUR LIFE, AND YOU ARE MEANT TO HAVE THEM TOO, BECAUSE THEY HELP YOU TO GROW, BUT YOU ARE MEANT TO KNOW HOW TO OVERCOME PROBLEMS AND CHALLENGES. YOU ARE MEANT TO BE VICTORIOUS! YOU ARE MEANT TO HAPPY! YOU ARE MEANT TO HAVE AN AMAZING LIFE!

              THE LIFE OF YOUR DREAMS, EVERYTHING YOU WOULD LOVE TO BE, DO, OR HAVE, HAS ALWAYS BEEN CLOSER TO YOU THAN YOU KNEW, BECAUSE THE POWER TO EVERYTHING YOU WANT IS INSIDE YOU!

                " THERE IS A SUPREME POWER AND RULLING FORCE WHICH

                   PERVADES AND RULES THE BOUNDLESS UNIVERSE. YOU

                   ARE A PART OF THIS POWER". 

PREPARE YOURSELF MENTALLY

                                                    MENTAL PREPARE

               BY NOW YOU WILL KNOW HOW IMPORTANT WE THINK YOUR SELF-TALK IS, IN ALL YOUR FEELINGS AND BEHAVIOUR, INCLUDING ASSERTION. A CONFROTATION WITH SOMEONE ELSE CAN BLOW UP QUICKLY, EVEN IF YOU KNEW IT WAS COMING, WHICH IS NOT ALWAYS POSSIBLE. YOU WILL FEEL MORE CONFIDENT AND ASSERT YOURSELF MORE EFFECTIVELY, IF APPROPRIATE SELF-TALK HAS BECOME SOMETHING OF A HABIT FOR YOU. IT IS A BIT DIFFICULT TO BLOW A WHISTLE IN THE MIDDLE OF A CONFRONTATION AND ANNOUNCE YOU ARE TAKING A 10- MINUTE THINK BEFORE. 

               SOMETIMES YOU MAY BE ABLE TO DO THIS. IN OUR ADVISE TO COUPLE, WE SUGGEST DELIBERATELY USING TIME OUT FROM AN ESCALATING DISCUSSION TO GIVE THEM TIME TO COOL DOWN AND WORK OUT A CONSTRUCTIVE APPROACH TO THE ISSUE. YOU MAT BE ABLE TO GET AGREEMENT TO TAKE TIME OUT FROM SOMEONE WHO VALUES YOUR RELATIONSHIP, BUT NOT EVERYONE YOU CONFRONT WILL FEEL LIKE THAT AND BE WILLING TO WAIT WHILE YOU THINK THINGS THROUGH.

                LATER, WE WILL SUGGEST SOME BRIEF SELF-TALK YOU CAN USE TO HELP YOU STAY ASSERTIVE DURING A CONFRONTATION, BUT RIGHT NOW WE ARE SUGGESTING YOU DO SOME MORE EXTENSIVE REVIEWING OF YOUR SEL-TALK REGARDING ASSERTION, AGRESSIVE AND SUBMISSION. THIS IS INTENDED TO HELP YOU DEVELOP ASSERTIVE HABITS OF MIND.

             

RATIONAL IDEAS

                                                    TEN RATIONAL IDEAS💗

💓

                1. I WANT TO BE LOVED OR LIKED AND APPROVED OF BY SOME OF THE PEOPLE IN MY LIFE. I WILL FEEL DISOPPOINTED OR LONELY WHEN THAT DOES NOT HAPPEN, BUT I CAN COPE WITH THOSE FEELINGS, AND I CAN TAKE CONSTRUCTIVE STEPS TO MAKE AND KEEP BETTER RELATIONSHIPS.

                  2. I WANT TO DO SOME THINGS WELL, MOST OF THE TIME LIKE EVERYBODY, I WILL OCCASIONALLY FAIL OR MAKE A MISTAKE. THEN I WILL FEEL BAD, BUT I CAN COPE WITH THAT, AND I CAN TAKE CONSTUCTIVE STEPS TO DO BETTER NEXT TIME.

                  3. IT IS SAD THAT MOST OF US DO SOME BAD THINGS FROM TIME TO TIME, AND SOME PEOPLE DO A LOT OF BAD THINGS. BUT MAKING MYSELF VERY UPSET WONT CHANGE THAT.

                  4. IT IS DISSAPPOINTING WHEN THINGS AREN'T HOW I WOULD LIKE THEM TO BE, BUT I CAN COPE WITH THAT. USUALLY I CAN TAKE CONSTRUCTIVE STEPS TO MAKE THINGS MORE AS I WOULD LIKE THEM TO BE, BUT IF I CAN'T IT HELP NE TO EXAGGERATE MY DISSAPPOINTMENT.

                   5. MY PROBLEM'S MAY BE INFLUENCED BY FACTORS OUTSIDE MY CONTROL, BUT MY THOUGHTS AND ACTIONS ALSO INFLENCE MY PROBLEMS THEY ARE UNDER MY CONTROL

                  6. WORRYING ABOUT SOMETHING THAT MIGHT TO WRONG WON'T STOP IT FROM HAPPENING, IT JUST MAKES ME UNHAPPY NOW ! I CAN TAKE CONSTRUCTIVE STEPS TO PREPARE FOR POSSIBLE PROBLEMS, AND THAT'S AS MUCH AS ANYONE CAN DO. SO I WON'T DWELL ON THE FUTURE NOW.

                 7. FACING DIFFICULT SITUATION WILL MAKE ME FEEL BAD AT THE TIME, BUT I CAN COPE WITH THAT. PUTTING OFF PROBLEMS DOES'T MAKE THEM ANY EASIER, IT JUST GIVES ME LONGER TO WORRY ABOUT THEM.

                 8. IT'S GOOD TO GET SUPPORT FROM OTHERS WHEN I WANT IT, BUT THE ONLY PERSON I REALLY NEED TO RELY ON IS MYSELF.

                 9. MY PROBLEMS MAY HAVE STARTED IN SOME PAST EVENTS, BUT WHAT KEEPS IT THEM GOING NOW ARE MY THOUGHTS AND ACTIONS, AND THEY ARE UNDER MY CONTROL.

                 10. IT IS SAD TO SEE OTHER PEOPLE IN TROUBLE, BUT I DONT'T HELP THEM BY

MAKING MYSELF MISERABLE, I CAN COPE WITH FEELING SAD, AND SOMETIMES I CAN TAKE CONSTRUCTIVE STEPS TO HELP THEM.

TALK YOURSELF

                                             TALK ABOUT YOURSELF

                  THIS MIGHT SOUND AS IF WE ARE SUGGESTING YOU BECOME A BORE, BUT WE ARE NOT. WE DONT INTEND THAT YOU SHOULD TRY TO DOMINATE EVERY SOCIAL CONVERSATION WITH A LENGTHLY ACCOUNT OF YOUR ACHIEVEMENTS, POSSESIONS AND QUALITIES. THAT KIND TO TALK ABOUT YOURSELF YOU WILL RECOGNISE AS ONE OF THE COMMON OFF-PUTTING BEHAVIOURS. WHAT WE ARE RECOMMENDING YOU TRY IS SELF-DISCLOSURE. THIS MEANS TELLING YOUR POTENTIAL FRIEND SOMETHING ABOUT YOURSELF THAT YOU WOULD NOT NORMALLY SHARE WITH JUST ANYONE. YOU MAY TALK ABOUT SOME PROBLEM OR DIFFICULTY IN YOUR LIFE AND YOUR FEELINGS ASSOCIATE WITH THAT. BUT SELF-DISCLOSURE DOES NOT HAVE TO BE ONLY ABOUT BAD THINGS, YOU MIGHT SHARE SOME PRIVATE, GOOD FEELINGS, AS WELL.

 

                     THE KEY IS THE INTIMATE NATURE OF THE INFORMATION THAT YOU SHARE. YOU ARE TELLING YOUR POTENTIAL FRIEND THAT YOU SEE HIM AS SOMEONE SPECIAL COMPARED TO THE GENERAL POPULATION, BECAUSE YOU ARE TRUSTING HIM WITH THIS INFORMATION THAT YOU WOULD NOT SHARE WITH CASUAL ACQUAINTANCES.  BUT GO SLOWLY.

DR. ARNOLD LAZARUS, AN AMERICAN PSYCHOLOGIST, HAS SAID PEOPLE ARE LIKE ONIONS, MADE UP OF LAYER UPON LAYER..

PEEL YOUR ONION SLOWLY, IN DEVELOPING YOUR RELATIONSHIPS, JUMPING TOO FAST DOWN THE LAYERS IS ANOTHER OFF-PUTTNG BEHAVIOUR, BECAUSE THE OTHER PERSON WON'T BE ,READY TO MATCH YOU YET, SHE MAY SEE YOU AS COMING ON TOO STRONG AND BACK OFF AS A RESULT.

BEWARE OF MIND READING

 PEOPLE ARE FOREVER GUESSING HOW OTHER  PEOPLE THINK AND FEEL. IT'S NOT JUST WE PSYCHOLOGISTS WHO READ MIND, ITS EVERBODY, MIND-READING DOES SEEM TO BE A INIVERSAL BEHAVIOUR AND, IN THAT SENSE, UNAVOIDABLE. THE TRICK IS NOT TO RELY ON IT TOO MUCH. IN LIVING AND LOVING TOGETHER WE SPEND SOME TIME OUTLINING HOW DESTRUCTIVE MIND - READING CAN BE ESPECIALLY IN THE ABSENSE OF CLEAR COMMUNICATION. WHAT RESEARCH HAS FOUND IS THAT THE MORE STRAIN THERE IS IN A RELATIONSHIP, THE MORE UNREALISTICALLY NEGATIVE THE PARTNERS MIND-READING BECOMES. EACH WILL ASSUME THE OTHER FEELS AND INTENDS WORSE THAN IS REALLY TRUE.