STOP COMPLAINING AND START DOING

                                                       STOP AND START

                 HOW DO YOU FEEL WHEN SOMEONE UNLOADS ALL OF HIS PROBLEMS AND COMPLAINTS ON YOU?  NOT VERY UPLIFTING AND ENERGIZING, IS IT? THE TRUTH IS, NOBODY LIKES TO BE AROUND A COMPLAINER - EXCEPT, PERHAPS, OTHER COMPLAINERS.

              OF COURSE, ALL OF US COMPLAIN AT ONE TIME OR ANOTHER. THE IMPORTANT QUESTION IS, HOW OFTEN DO YOU COMPLAIN? IF YOU'RE WODERING WHETHER YOU COMPLAIN TOO MUCH, SIMPLY ASK YOUR FRIEDS, RELATIVES OR CO-WORKERS. THEY'LL LET YOU KNOW.

            NOW, WHEN I SAY, "COMPLAIN" I' M NOT TALKING ABOUT THOSE INSTANCES WHEN YOU DISCUSS YOUR PROBLEMS IN AN ATTEMPT TO SEARCH FOR SOLUTIONS. THAT'S CONSTRUCTIVE AND COMMEDABLE. AND I'M NOT REFERRING TO THOSE OCCASIONS WHEN YOU SHARE YOUR LIFE EXPERIENCES (INCLUDING DISSAPOINTMENTS) WITH FRIENDS OR RELATIVES IN THE CONTEXT OF BRINGING THEM UP TO DATE ON THE LATEST DEVELOPMENTS IN YOUR LIFE. AFTER ALL, PART OF BEING HUMAN IS SHARING OUR EXPERIENCE AND SUPPORTING EACH OTHER.

                NOBODY WANTS TO HEAR ABOUT YOUR ACHES AND PAINS

                     MAYBE A FEW EXAMPLES WILL GIVE YOU A BETTER IDEA ABOUT THE KIND OF COMPLAINING THAT'S COUNTER PRODUCTIVE. ONE OF THE MOST COMMON AREAS OF COMPLAINT IS THE SUBJECT OF ILLNESS. IN THIS CATEGORY ARE COMMENTS SUCH AS " MY BACK IS KILLING ME" OR " I HAVE A TROUBL SINUS HEADACHE". WORSE YET, SOME PEOPLE GET VERY GRAPHIC IN EXPLAINING  THE GLORY DETAILS OF THEIR PARTICULAR AILMENT (SUCH AS I HAD THIS GREEN STUFF OOZING OUT OF MY). AND DOESN'T IT JUST MAKE YOUR DAY WHEN YOUR CO-WORKER TELLS YOU THAT HE OR SHE IS NAUSEOUS?

              LET'S FACE IT. WHAT CAN I POSSIBLY DO FOR YOU IF YOU HAVE A STOMACH ACHE? I'M NOT A PHYSICIAN - GO TO A DOCTOR IF YOU HAVE A MEDICAL PROBLEM. MORE IMPORTANTLY, WHY ARE YOU TELLING ME THIS? YOU MIGHT WANT SYMPATHY, BUT ALL YOU'RE DOING IS DRAGGING ME DOWN AND REINFORCING YOU OWN SUFFERING. TAKING ABOUT PAIN AND DISCOMFORT WILL ONLY BRING YOU MORE OF THE SAME - AND ENCOURAGE THOSE AROUND YOU TO LOOK FOR THE EXITS.

                    WHEN IT COMES TO COMPLAINTS  ABOUT ILLNESS, THE PRINCIPLE OF ESCALATION USUALLY REARS ITS UGLY HEAD. HERE'S HOW IT WORK. YOU TELL YOUR FRIEND ABOUT THE AGONY YOU WENT THROUGH WITH THE FLU. YOUR FRIEND INTERRUPTS AND SAYS, YOU THING YOU HAD IT BAD. WHEN I HAD THE FLUE, I HAD A 104 DEGREE FEVER AND HAD TO BE RUSHED TO THE HOSPITAL. I ALMOST DIED, OR TELL SOMEONE THAT YOUR BACK OR FOOT HURTS, AND COUNT HOW MANY SECONDS IT TAKES FOR THAT PERSON TO SWITCH THE CONVERSATION TO HIS OR HER OWN BACK PAIN AND ACHING FEET. COMPLAINERS LOVE TO PLAY THIS GAME - THEIR PAIN IS ALWAYS WORSE THAN YOUR

                                                       FORM A NEW HABIT

               IF ALL OF THESE NEGATIVE CONSEQUENCES FLOW FROM YOUR WORDS, WHY DO YOU CONTINUE TO SAY THEM? MORE THAN LIKELY, IT'S BECAUSE YOU HAVEN'T RECOGNIZED THAT YOU HAVE A CHOICE IN THE MATTER, INSTEAD, YOU'RE FOLLOWING A HABIT THAT YOU DEVELOPED MANY YEARS AGO... A HABIT THAN NO LONGER SERVES YOU.

                IN THE END, YOUR OWN WORD ARE A SELF- FULFILLIN PROPHESY - IF YOU SAY EVERYTHING IS TERRIBLE, YOUR MINDS IS ATTRACTED TO THOSE PEOPLE AND CIRCUMSTANCES THAT WILL CAUSE THAT STATEMENT TO BE TRUE. IF ON THE OTHER HAND, YOU REPEATEDLY STATE THAT YOUR LIFE IS WONDERFUL! YOUR MIND WILL BEGIN TO MOVE YOU IN A POSITIVE DIRECTION.

              FOR INSTANCE, JUST CONSIDER WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU RESPOND THAT YOU'RE EXCELLENT! OR TERRIFE! AS YOU SAY THESE WORDS, YOUR PHYSIOLOGY BEGINS TO CORRESPOND WITH YOUR OPTIMISTIC LANGUAGE. YOUR POSTURE IS MORE UPRIGHT. OTHER PEOPLE ARE ATTRACTEDTO YOUR ENERGY AND VITALITY. YOUR BUSINESS AND PERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS IMPROVE. WILL ALL OF YOUR LIFE'S PROBLEMS MAGICALLY DISAPPEAR? NO, BUT YOU'VE SET IN MOTION A VERY IMPORTANT PRINCIPLE, WE GET WHAT WE EXPECT IN LIFE. 

                    BELIEVE ME, THIS IS NOT ROCKET SCIENCE. YOU DON'T NEED TALENT, MONEY OR GOOD LOOKS TO HAVE A GREAT ATTITUDE YOU JUST NEED TO GET IN THE HABIT OF USING A HIGH - ENERGY, POSITIVE RESPONSE,AND YOU'LL GET THE SAME EXCITING RESULTS I GOT!

  

 

STAGE SPEEKING TIPS

                                          WHEN YOU SPEAK IN PUBLIC

                    LET US TAKE A SPECIFIC EXAMPLE. THE LATE MR. BRYAN SAID, YOU CANNOT MAKE PEOPLE UNDERSTAND A SUBJECT, UNLESS YOU UNDERSTAND THAT SUBJECT YOURSELF. THE MORE CLEARLY YOU HAVE A SUBJECT IN MIND, THE MORE CLEARLY CAN YOU PRESENT THAT SUBJECT TO THE MINDS OF OTHERS.

               I SELDOM TEACH A SINGLE SESSION OF THIS COURSE WITHOUT HEARING ONE OR PERHAPS HALF A DOZEN TALKS THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN MORE CLEAR, MORE IMPRESSIVE, HAD THE SPEAKER BUT EMPLOYED THIS PRICIPLE OF RESTATEMENT. IT IS ALMOST ENTIRELY IGNORED BY THE BEGINNER. AND WHAT A PITY!

        ONE OF THE SUREST AND EASIEST WAYS TO MAKE YOUR POINTS CLEAR IS TO FOLLOW THEM WITH GENERAL ILLUSTRATIONS AND CONCRETE CASES. WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THE TWO? ONE. AS THE TERM IMPLIES, IS GENERAL, OTHER OTHER, SPECIFIC. LET US ILLUSTRATE THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THEM AND THE USES OF EACH WITH A CONCRETE EXAMPLE. SUPPOSE WE TAKE THE STATEMENT. THERE ARE PROFESSIONAL MEN AND WOMEN WHO EARN ASTONISHINGLY LARGE INCOMES.

CLARIFY OF MIND MEANS CLARIFY OF PASSION, TOO, THIS IS WHY A GREAT AD\ND CLEAR MIND LOVES ARDENTLY AND SEES DISTINCTLY WHAT HE LOVES.

              DO NOTHING TO DULL YOUR ENERGY. IT IS MAGNETIC. VITALLY, ALIVENESS, ENTHUSIASM, THEY ARE AMONG THE FIRT QUALITIES I HAVE ALWAYS SOUGHT FOR IN EMPLOYING SPEAKERS AND INSTRUCTORS OF SPEAKING. PEOPLE CLUSTER AROUND THE ENERGETIC SPEAKER, THE HUMAN DYNAMO OF ENERGY, LIKE WILD GEESE AROUND A FIELD OF AUTUMN WHAT.

             I HAVE OFTEN SEEN THIS ILLUSTRATED BY THE OPEN AIR SPEAKERS IN HYDE PARK, LONDON. A SPOT NEAR MARBLE ARCH ENTRANCE IS A RENDEZVOUS FOR SPEAKERS OF VERY CREED AND COLOUR. ON A SUNDAY AFTERNOON,  ONE CAN TAKE HIS CHOICE AND LISTEN TO A CATHOLIC EXPLAINING THE DOCTRINE OF THE INFALLIBILITY OF THE POPE, TO A SOCIALIST PROPOUNDING THE ECONOMIC GOSPEL OF KARL MARX, TO AN INDIAN EXPLAINING WHY IT IS RIGHT AND PROPER FOR A MOHAMMEDAN TO HAVE FOUR WIVES, AND SO ON. HUNDREDS CROWD ABOUT ONE SPEAKER, WHILE HIS NEIGHBOUR HAS ONLY A HANDFUL WHY? IS THE TOPIC ALWAYS AN ADEQUATE EXPLANATION OF THE DISPARITY BETWEEN THE DRAWING POWERS OF DIFFERENT SPEAKERS? MO. MORE OFTEN THE EXPLANATION IS TO BE FOUND IN THE SPEAKER HIMSELF. HE IS MORE LIFE AND SPIRIT. HE RADIATES VITALITY AND ANIMATIONS, THEY ALWAYS CHALLENGE ATTENTION.

WHEN A LITTLE CHILD TALKS, OR WHEN WE TALK IN ORDINARY CONVERSATION, WE CONSTANTLY CHANGE OUR RATE OF SPEAKING. IT IS PLEATING, IT IS NATURAL. IT IS UNCONSCIOUS. IT IS EMPHATIC. IT IS, IN FACT, ONE OF THE VERY BEST OF ALL POSSIBLE WAYS TO MAKE AN IDEA STAND OUT PROMINENTLY.

 

WALTER B. SREVENS, IN HIS REPPORTER'S LINCOLN, ISSUED BY THE MISSOURI HISTORICAL SOCIETY, TELLS US THAT THIS WAS ONE OF LINCOLN'S FAVOURITE METHODS OF DRIVING A POINT HOME.

HE WOULD SPEAK SEVERAL WORDS, WITH GREAT RAPIDITY, COME TO THE WORD OR PHRASE HE WISHEDTO EMPHASIZE, AND LET HIS VOICE LINGER AND BEAR HARD ON THAT, AND THEN HE WOULD RUSH TO THE END OF HIS SENTENCE LIKE LIGHTNING... HE WOULD DEVOTES AS MUCH TIME TO THE WORD OR TWO HE WISHED TO EMPHASIZE AS HE DID TO HALF A DOZEN LESS IMPORTANT WORDS FOLLOWING IT.

 

SUCH A METHOD INVARIABLY ARRESTS ATTENTION. TO ILLUSTRATE. I HAVE OFTEN QUOTED IN A PUBLIC TALK THE FOLLOWING STATEMENT BY CARDINAL GIBBONS. I WANTED TO EMPHASIZE THE IDEA OF COURAGE, SO I LINGERED ON THESE ITALICIZED WORDS, DREW THEM OUT AND SPOKE AS IF I MYSELF WERE IMPRESSED WITH THEM - AND I WAS. WILL YOU PLEASE READ THE SELECTION ALOUND, TRYING THE SAME METHOD AND NOTE THE RESULTS.

A SHORT TIME BEFORE HIS DEATH. CARDINAL GIBBONS SAID, I HAVE LIVED EITHTY - SIX - YEARS. I HAVE WATCHED MEN CLIMB UP TO SUCCESS, HUNDREDS OF THEM. AD OF THE ELEMENTS THAT ARE IMPORTANT FOR SUCCESS, THE MOST IMPORTANT IS FAITH. NO GREAT THING COME TO ANY MAN UNLESS HE HAS COURAGE. 

TRY THIS SAY THRTY MILLIONS DOLLARS, QUICKLY AND WITH AN AIR OF TRIVIALITY SO THAT IT SOUNDS LIKE A VERY SMALL SUM. NOW, SAY.THIRTY THOUSAND DOLLARS, SAY IT SLOWLY SAY IT FEELINGLY, SAY IT AS IF YOU WERE TREMENDOUSLY IMPRESSED WITH THE HUGENESS OF THE AMOUNT. HAVEN'T YOU NOW MADE THE THIRTY THOUSAND SOUND LARGER THAN THE THIRTY MILLION.?

WHEN WE AWAY FROM CONFORT ZONE

                                                      OUR NEW LIFE

           I'M REALLY NO DIFFERENT FROM YOU. I HAVE MY FEARS, AS YOU DO, AND WHEN I LOOK BACK AT THE FIRST 30 YEARS OF MY LIFE, YOU KNOW WHAT I SEE? I SEE SOMEONE WHO ACHIEVED SOME DEGREE OF SUCCESS AS AN ATTORNEY. BUT I ALSO SEE SOMEONE WHO WAS SHY, INSECURE, SCARED AND SELF- CONSCIOUS. DOES THAT SOUND TO YOU LIKE SOMEONE WHO'S A MOTIVATIONAL SPEAKER?

             WHAT I TURNED MY LIFE AROUND... AND IMPROVED IT A MILLION-FOLD ... IS THAT I LEARNED TO CONFRONT MY FEARS AND TAKE ACTION. I REALIZED AFTER YEARS OF FRUSTRATION AND DISAPPOINTMENTS THAT HIDING FROM MY FEARS WASN'T GETTING ME ANYWHERE - AND IT WOULD NEVER GET ME ANYWHERE.

 OF COURSE, I WOULDN'T HAVE CONFRONTED MY FEARS IF I HADN'T FIRST DEVELOPED A POSITIVE ATTITUDE. A "CAN- DO " ATTITUDE PROVIDED ME WITH THE EXTRA PUSH I NEEDED TO TAKE ACTION. WHEN YOU BELIEVE YOU CAN DO SOMETHING, YOU HAVE THE COURAGE TO MOVE FORWARD DESPITE BEING AFRAID.

            ARMED WITH A GREAT ATTITUDE, I DECIDED  TO BECOME A PARTICIPANT IN LIFE AND TO EXPLORE MY POTENTIAL, EVEN THOUGH I WAS SCARED. FROM THE VERY BEGINNING. I FELT SO MUCH BETTER ABOUT MYSELF. I HAD TAKEN CONTROL OF MY LIFE, AND ALL SORTS OF POSSIBILITIES OPENED UP FOR ME.

            

         ARE YOU BEGINNING TO SEE THE INCREDIBLE REWARDS YOU CAN RECIEVE WHEN YOU'RE WILLING TO DEVELOP A POSITIVE ATTITUDE AND CONFRONT YOUR FEARS.?

                 I'D LIKE TO TELL YOU A STORY ABOUT WOMAN WHO KNOWS A LOT ABOUT BREAKING OUT OF A COMFORT ZONE. HER NAME IS DOTTIE BURMAN, AND FOR 32 YEARS DOTTIE WAS A HIGH SCHOOL ENGLISH TEACHER IN NEW YORK. YET, SINCE THE AGE OF 10, SHE WANTED TO GO INT SHOW BUSINESS. SHE NEVER GAVE IT SERIOUS THOUGHT AS A CAREER AND INSTEAD CHOSE THE SECURITY OF TEACHING, WITH ITS REGULAR PAYCHECK AND BENEFITS.

               WHILE WORKING AS A TEACHER, DOTTIE BEGAN TO WRITE SONGS AND PERFORM THEM. IT WAS JUST A HOBBY, BUT IT KEPT HER DREAM ALIVE. THEN, IN THE LATE 1980S, DOTTIE MADE A DECISION. SHE WOULD RETIRE FROM TEACHING AND PURSUE A NEW CAREER AS A PERFORMER. IN THE SUMMER OF 1988, SHE SUBMITTED HER RESIGNATION. THEN THE TERROR REALLY HIT HER. SHE WAS SO SCARED ABOUT VENTURING INTO THE UNKNOWN THAT SHE WITHDREW HER RESIGNATION AND WENT BACK TO TEACHING.

BUT SOMETHING INSIDE DOTTIE WOULDN'T LET HER DREAM DIE. SIX MONTHS LATER, IN JANUARY OF 1989, SHE CONFRONTED HER FEAR AND RETIRED. AT THE TIME, DOTTIE WAS IN HER 50S!. IN 1992, DOTTIE DEVELOPED AND PERFORMED HER OWN ONE - WOMAN MUSICAL SHOW. THE SHOW WAS BASED ON HER FEARS OF LEAVING A SECURE TEACHING JOB TO GO INTO SHOW BUSINESS!

AND IN THE SPRING OF 1998, DOTTIE, WHILE IN HER 60S, RELEASED HER MARVELOUS CD, I'M IN LOVE WITH COMPUTER, A COLLECTION OF WITTY, INSPIRATIONAL SONGS. SHE ALSO PERFORMED THESE SONGS IN A MUSICAL REVUE IN A CABARET IN NEW YORK CITY AS WELL AS FOR ORGANIZATIONS THRROUGHOUT THE COUNTRY.

BRAVO, DOTTIE, FOR CONFRONTING YOUR FEARS.... AND INSPIRING US TO FOLLOW OUR DREAMS!. 

       

DONT SHARE YOUR ILLNESS TO THE PEOPLES

                                                      DONT SHARE !

               I'M NOT SUGGESTING THAT YOU JUST SIT BACK AND IGNORE ALL OF THE PROBLEMS IN YOUR LIFE. HOWEVER, RATHER THAN COMPLAINING, IT'S FAR BETTER TO FOCUS YOUR ATTENTION AND YOUR ENERGY ON THOSE STEPS YOU CAN TAKE TO SOLVE, OR AT LEAST LESSEN, YOUR PROBLEM. FOR INSTANCE, LET'S SAY YOU'RE FEELING A LITTLE TIRED LATELY. INSTEAD OF TELLING EVERYONE HOW LOUSY YOU FEEL, MAKE AN EFFORT TO EXERCISE MORE REGULARLY OR GET TO BED A LITTLE EARLIER.

            TO REVIEW: COMPLAINTS WORK AGAINST YOU IN THREE WAYS, FIRST, NO ONE WANTS TO HEAR NEGATIVE NEWS ABOUT YOUR ILLNESS AND YOUR PROBLEMS. SECOND, COMPLAINING REINFORCES YOUR OWN PAIN AND DISCOMFORT. SO WHY KEEP REPLAYING PAINFUL, NEGATIVE MEMORIES? THIRD, COMPLAINING, BY ITSELF, ACCOMPLISHES NOTHING AND DIVERTS YOU FROM THE CONSTRUCTIVE ACTIONS YOU COULD BE TAKING TO IMPROVE YOUR SITUATION.

IT'S BEEN SAID THAT 90 PERCENT OF THE PEOPLE DON'T CARE ABOUT YOUR  PROBLEMS.... AND THE OTHER 10 PERCENT ARE GLAD YOU HAVE THEM! SERIOUSLY THOUGH, ALL OF US CAN CUT DOWN ON OUR COMPLAINING. FROM NOW, ON LET'S DO OURSELVES AND OTHERS A FLAVOR AND MAKE OUR CONVERSATIONS UPLIFTING.

THE PEOPLE WHO DON'T COMPLAIN VERY MUCH (AND THOSE WHO SPEAK POSITIVELY) ARE A JOY TO BE AROUND. DECIDE TO JOIN THAT GROUP SO PEOPLE WON'T HAVE TO CROSS THE STREET WHEN THEY SEE YOU COMING!.

SEVERAL YEARS AGO I WAS IN MY OFFICE AND THINKING ABOUT SOME OF THE THIGS THAT WEREN'T GOING AS WELL AS I HAD PLANNED. YOU KNOW, THE TYPICAL BUSINESS PROBLEMS RESULTS NOT HAPPENING AS FAR AS I HAD EXPECTED. AND I'LL CONFESS THAT I'D BEEN DOING A LITTLE COMPLAINING ABOUT IT.

 

THEN PEDRO WALKED IN. PEDRO IS IN HIS EARLY 20S AND CAME TO THIS COUNTRY ABOUT SIX YEARS AGO FROM HONDURAS. HE WORKS FOR A COMPANY THAT CLEANS HOMES AND OFFICES.  YOU TALK ABOUT A POSITIVE ATTITUDE! PEDRO IS ONE OF THE MOST POSITIVE PEOPLE I'VE EVER MET ALWAYS SMILING AND UPBEAT.

ON THIS DAY, HOWEVER, I ASKED PEDRO ABOUT HURRICANE. MITCH AND ITS IMPACT ON HIS HOMELAND. THE SMILE QUICKLY LEFT HIS FACE. HE TOLD ME OF THE DEVASTATION THE HURRICANE HAD CAUSED. THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE HAD DIED. MORE THAN A MILLION PEOPLE WERE LEFT HOMELESS. 

PEDRO SAID THAT HIS FATHER, MOTHER AND BROTHER STILL LIVED IN HONDURAS, AND HE HAD NO IDEA IF THEY WERE DEAD OR ALIVE, HE HAD NO WAY TO CONTRACT THEM- AL THE PHONE LINES IN THAT AREA HAD BEEN DESTROYED. PEDRO SAID HE THOUGHT ABOUT HIS FAMILY EVERY DAY.

CAN YOU IMAGINE THE AGONY OF NOT EVEN KNOWING IF YOUR FAMILY IS STILL ALIVE?

THEN PEDRO WENT ON TO TELL ME ABOUT ALL THE THINGS HE WAS DOING TO HELP THE POEPLE IN HONDURAS. HE HAS COLLECTING MONEY, CLOTHING AND OTHER NECCESSITIES. HE WAS ACTIVELY WORKING WITH THE RELIEF ORGANIZATIONS. INSTEAD OF JUST GRIPING ABOUT THE PROBLEMS, HE WAS DOING WHATEVER, HE COULD DO TO EASE THEIR PAIN.

AFTER SPEAKING WITH PEDRO, I BEGAN TO REALIZE JUST HOW INCONSEQUENTIAL MY OWN PROBLEMS WERE... AND HOW FORTUNATE I AM ! YOU BETTER BELIEVE I STOPPED COMPLAINING. I FACED THE REST OF THE DAY WITH RENEWED ENERGY AND MUCH BETTER ATTITUDE.

BY THE WAY, SEVERAL WEEKS LATER I SAY PEDRO AGAIN. AND YES, HE HAD HIS USUAL WINNING SMILE AND HIS GREAT ATTITUDE. THE GOOD NEWS IS THAT HIS FAMILY MEMBERS ARE ALL ALIVE. THE BAD NEWS IS THAT THEY LOST EVERYTHING IN THE FLOOD AND ARE NOW LIVING IN SHELTER. CLEAN WATER IS VERY SCARCE. DISEASE IS RAMPANT. I CAN'T EVEN FATHOM WHAT IT'S LIKE TO LOSE EVERYTHING YOU OWN AND HAVE TO START OVER FROM SCRATCH, ESPECIALLY UNDER THESE DIFFICULT CONDITIONS. CON YOU ?

THERE'SNO DOUBT ABOUT IT. PEDRO HAS EVERY REASON TO WHINE ABOUT HIS FAMILY'S BAD LUCK. BUT HE DOESN'T. HE REALIZES THAT COMPLAINING WOULD BE A TERRIBLE WASTE OF HIS TIME AND ENERGY. THANK YOU, PEDRO FOR REMINDING ALL OF US THAT COMPLAINING IS NOT HE ANSWER TO OUR CHALLENGES IN LIFE.

 

               

FILL THE PLACE WITH POSITIVE PEOPLES

                                                          FEEL FILLING

           JUST ABOUT EVERY ORGANIZATION HAS SOME NEGATIVE PEOPLE WORKING THERE. AND SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO INTERACT AND WORK ALONGSIDE THESE PEOPLE. BUT DON'T GO OUT OF YOUR WAY TO SPEND TIME WITH THESE PROPHETS OF GLOOM AND DOOM.

         FOR INSTANCE, IF YOU FREQUENTLY HAVE LUNCH WITH NEGATIVE PEOPLE AT WORK, STOP HAVING LUNCH WITH THEM! ALL THEY'RE DOING IS FILLING YOUR MIND WITH NEGATIVITY. YOU CAN'T PERFORM AT YOUR BEST IF YOU ALLOW THESE PEOPLE TO DUMP THEIR NEGATIVE GARBAGE INTO YOUR MIND. THERE'S NO NEED TO BE NASTY OR TO TELL THEM OFF. YOU SHOULD BE ABLE TO FIND A DIPLOMATIC WAY OF DISTANCING YOURSELF FROM THIS "POISONOUS" GROUP.

           INTEAD, TAKE CHARGE. BE PROACTIVE. MAKE IT A POINT TO EAT AT YOUR DESK... TO TAKE A CLIENT OUT TO LUNCH.... OR TO SIT AT A DIFFERENT TABLE IN THE CAFETERIA. DO WHATEVER YOU HAVE TO DO TO MAKE LUNCH A POSITIVE EXPERIENCE.

           MAKE NO MISTAKE ABOUT IT. POSITIVE PEOPLE  ARE WELCOMED IN ANY ORGANIZATION... AND NEGATIVE PEOPLE ARE HURTING THEIR CHANCES FOR ADVACEMENT. THE PROBLEM O NEGATIVE WORKERS HAS GOTTEN SO BAD THAT I RECENTLY GOT A BROCHURE IN THE MAIL ANNOUNCING A FULL-DAY SEMINAR ENTITLED "HOW" TO LEGALLY FIRE EMPLOYEES WITH ATTITUDE PROBLEMS.!

              THE BUSINESS COMMUNITY IS WAKING UP TO THE FACT THAT WHEN IT COMES TO PRODUCTIVITY IN THE WORKPLACE, ATTITUDE IS EVERYTHING.!

          IN TODAY'S LITERATURE, WE SEE THE TERMS TOXIC PEOPLE AND NOURISHING PEOPLE. AS YOU MIGHT EXPECT, TOXIC PEOPLE ARE THE ONES WHO ALWAYS DWELL ON THE NEGATIVE. THE DICTIONARY DEFINES TOXIC AS "POISONOUS" TOXIC POEPLE CONTINUALLY SPEW THEIR VERBAL POISON. IN CONTRAST, THE DICTIONARY DEFINITION OF NOURISHING IS "TO PROMOTE THE GROWTH OF ". NOURISHING PEOPLE ARE POSITIVE AND SUPPORTIVE. THEY LIFE YOUR SPIRIT AND ARE A JOY TO BE AROUND.

          TOXIC PEOPLE WILL ALWAYS TRY TO DRAG YOU DOWN TO THEIR LEVEL. THEY HAMMER AWAY AT YOU WITH ALL OF THE THINGS YOU CAN'T DO AND ALL OF THE THINGS THAT ARE IMPOSSIBLE. THEY BARRAGE YOU WITH GLOOMY STATEMENTS ABOUT THE LOUSY ECONOMY, THE PROBLEMS IN THEIR LIFE, THE PROBLEMS SOON TO BE IN YOUR LIFE AND THE TERRIBLE PROSPECTS FOR THE FUTURE. IF YOU'RE LUCKY, THEY MIGHT EVEN THROW IN A FEW WORDS ABOUT THEIR ACHES AND PAINS.

            AFTER LISTENING TO TOXIC PEOPLE, YOU FEEL LISTLESS AND DRAINED. MOTIVATIONAL SPEAKER LES BROWN REFERS TO THESE PEOPLE AS "DREAM KILLERS" PSYCHOLOGIST JACK CANFIELD DESCRIBES THEM AS "ENERGY VAMPIRES" BECAUSE THEY SUCH ALL THE POSITIVE ENERGY OUT OF YOU. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN WITH A NEGATIVE PERSON- AND FELT AS IF THAT INDIVIDUAL WERE PHYSICALLY TAKING ENERGY FROM YOU? I THINK WE'VE ALL HAD THAT EXPERIENCE MANY TIMES. ONE THING IS CERTAIN. SPEND TIME WITH TOXIC PEOPLE AND THEIR NEGATIVE MESSAGES WILL WEAR YOU DOWN.

             ON THE OTHER HAND, HOW DO YOU FEEL WHEN YOU'RE AROUND PEOPLE WHO ARE POSITIVE, ENTHUSIASTIC AND SUPPORTIVE? YOU'RE ENERGIZED AND INSPIRED. THERE'S SOMETHING TRULY AMAZING ABOUT POSITIVE PEOPLE. THEY SEEM TO HAVE A POSITIVE ENERGY THAT LIGHTS UP A ROOM. WHEN YOU'RE AROUND THEM, YOU START TO PICK UP THEIR ATTITUDE AND YOU FEEL AS IF YOU HAVE ADDED STRENGTH TO VIGOROUSLY PURSUE YOU OWN GOALS.

            WHEN I THING ABOUT POSITIVE POEPLE, MY FRIEND JOHN LISICICH IMMEDIATELY COMES TO MIND. WHENEVER I SPEAK WITH JOHN, I FEEL LIKE I CAN CONQUER THE WORD. JOHN IS SIMPLY THE MOST POSITIVE PERSON YOU COULD EVER MEET.

          I LIKE TO THINK OF MYSELF AS A VERY POSITIVE PERSON. ON A SCALE OF 1-10, WITH 10 BEING THE MOST POSITIVE, I'D PROBABLY GIVE MYSELF A 9.5. I'D HAVE TO GIVE JOHN LISICICH A 14!. HE'S JUST OFF THE CHARTS. HE'S ALWAYS POSITIVE, ALWAYS ENTHUSIASTIC. AND HE GIVES A TREMENDOUS LIFE TO EVERYONE WHO CROSSES HIS PATH. HIS ATTITUDE INSPIRES PEOPLE TO GREATNESS!.

         CAN YOU SEE HOW YOUR ATTITUDE MIGHT IMPROVE IF YOU HAD A FRIEND LIKE JOHN IN YOUR LIFE?.

            

LISTEN YOUR WORDS WHEN YOU SPEAK

                                                BEYOND THE WORDS

            I DON'T LIKE THE WORD SIN. IT IMPLIES THAT I AM BEING JUDGED AND FOUND GUILTY.

              I CAN UNDERSTAND THAT. OVER THE CENTURIES, MANY ERRONEOUS VIEWS AND INTERPRETATIONS, HAVE ACCUMULATED AROUND WORDS SUCH AS SIN, DUE TO IGNORANCE, MISUNDERSTANDING, OR A DESIRE TO CONTROL, BUT THEY CONTAIN AN ESSENTIAL CORE OF TRUTH. IF YOU ARE UNABLE TO LOOK BEYOND SUCH INTERPRETATIONS AND SO CANNOT RECOGNIZE THE REALITY TO WHICH THE WORD POINTS, THEN DON'T GET STUCK ON THE LEVEL OF WORDS. A WORD IS NO MORE THAN A MEANS TO AN END. IT'S AN ABSTRACTION. NOT UNLIKE A SIGNPOST, IT POINTS BEYOND ITSELF. THE WORD HONEY ISN'T HONEY. YOU CAN STUDY AND TALK ABOUT HONEY FOR AS LONG AS YOU LIKE, BUT YOU WON'T REALLY KNOW IT UNTIL YOU TASTE IT. AFTER YOU HAVE TASTED IT, THE WORD BECOMES LESS IMPORTANT TO YOU. 

          YOU WON'T BE ATTACHED TO IT ANYMORE. SIMILARLY, YOU CAN TALK OR THINK ABOUT GOD CONTINUOUSLY FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE, BUT DOES THAT MEAN YOU KNOW OR HAVE EVEN GLIMPSED THE REALITY TO WHICH THE WORD POINTS? IT REALLY IS NO MORE AN OBSESSIVE ATTACHMENT TO A SIGNPOST, A MENTAL IDOL.

            THE REVERSE ALSO APPLIES. IF, FOR WHATEVER REASON, YOU DISLIKED THE WORD HONEY, THAT MIGHT PREVENT YOU FROM EVER TASTING IT. IF YOU HAD A STRONG AVERSION TO THE WORD GOD, WHICH IS A NEGATIVE FORM OF ATTACHMENT, YOU MAY BE DENYING NOT JUST THE WORD BUT ALSO THE REALITY TO WHICH IT POINTS. YOU WOULD BE CUTTING YOURSELF OFF FROM THE POSSIBILITY OF EXPERIENCE THAT REALITY. ALL THIS IS, OF COURSE, INTRINSICALLY WITH BEING IDENTIFIED WITH YOUR MIND.

          SO, IF A WORD DOESN'T WORK FOR YOU ANYMORE, THEN DROP IT AND REPLACE IT WITH ONE THAT DOES WORK. IF YOU DON'T LIKE THE WORD SIN, THEN CALL IT UNCONSCIOUSNESS OR INSANITY. THAT MAY GET YOU CLOSER TO THE TRUTH, THE REALITY BEHIND THE WORD, THAN A LONG - MISUSED WORD LIKE SIN, AND LEAVES LITTLE ROOM FOR GUILT.

        I DONT LIKE THOSE WORDS EITHER. THEY IMPLY THAT THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG WITH ME. I AM BEING JUDGED.

   OF COURSE THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG WITH YOU - AND YOU ARE NOT BEING JUDGED.

       I DON'T MEAN TO OFFEND YOU PERSONALLY, BUT DO YOU NOT BELONG TO THE HUMAN RACE THAT HAS KILLED OVER 100 MILLION MEMBERS OF THEIR OWN SPECIES IN THE TWENTIETH CENTURY ALONE?

     YOU MEAN GUILT BY ASSOCIATION?

          IT IS NOT A QUESTION OF GUILT. BUT AS LONG AS YOU 

       IT IS NOT A QUESTION OF GUILT. BUT AS LONG AS YOU ARE RUN BY THE EGOIC MIND, YOU ARE PART OF THE COLLECTIVE INSANITY. PERHAPS YOU HAVEN'T LOOKED VERY DEEPLY INTO THE HUMAN CONDITION IN ITS STATE OF DOMINANCE BY THE EGOIC MIND. OPEN YOUR EYES AND SEE THE FEAR, THE DESPAIR, THE GREED, AND THE VIOLENCE THAT ARE ALL - PERVASIVE. SEE THE HEINOUS CRUELTY AND SUFFERING ON AN UNIMAGINABLE SCALE THAT HUMANS HAVE INFLICTED AND CONTINUE TO INFLICT ON EACH OTHER AS WELL AS ON OTHER LIFE FORMS ON THE PLANET. YOU DON'T NEED TO CONDEMN. JUST OBSERVE, THAT IS SIN. THAT IS INSANITY. THAT IS UNCONSCIOUSNESS. ABOVE ALL, DON'T FORGET TO OBSERVE YOUR OWN MIND. SEEK OUT THE ROOT OF THE INSANITY THERE.

       BEAUTY ARISES IN THE STILLNESS OF YOUR PRESENCE

             WHAT YOU HAVE JUST DECRIBED IS SOMETHING THAT I OCCASIONALLY EXPERIENCE FOR BRIEF MOMENTS WHEN I AM ALONE AND SURROUNDED BY NATURE.

            YES. ZEN MASTERS USE THE WORD SATORI TO DESCRIBE A FLASH OF INSIGHT, A MOMENT OF NO - MIND AND TOTAL PRESENCE. ALTHOUGH SATORI IS NOT A LASTING TRANSFORMATION, BE GRATEFUL WHEN IT COMES, FOR IT GIVES YOU A TASTE OF ENLIGHTENMENT. YOU MAY, INDEED, HAVE EXPERIENCED IT MANY TIMES WITHOUT KNOWING WHAT IT IS AND REALIZING ITS IMPORTANCE. PRESENCE IS NEEDED TO BECOME AWARE OF THE BEAUTY, THE MAJESTY, THE SACREDNESS OF NATURE. HAVE YOU EVER GAZED UP INTO THE INFINITY OF SPACE ON A CLEAR NIGHT,  AWESTRUCK BY THE ABSOLUTE STILLNESS AND INCONCIEVABLE VASTNESS OF IT ? HAVE YOU LISTENED, TRULY LISTENED, TO THE SOUND OF A MOUNTAIN STREAM IN THE FOREST?

               OR TO THE SONG OF A BLACKBIRD AT DUSK ON A QUIET SUMMER EVENING? TO BECOME AWARE OF SUCH THINGS, THE MIND NEEDS TO BE STILL. YOU HAVE TO PUT DONW FOR A MOMENT YOUR PERSONAL BAGGAGE OF PROBLEMS, OF PAST AND FUTURE, AS WELL AS ALL YOUR KNOWLEDGE, OTHERWISE, YOU WILL SEE BUT NOT SEE, HEAR BUT NOT HEAR. YOUR TOTAL PRESENCE IS REQUIRED.

          BEYOND THE BEAUTY OF THE EXTERNAL FORMS, THERE IS MORE HERE. SOMETHING THAT CANNOT BE NAMED, SOMETHING INEFFABLE, SOME DEEP, INNER, HOLY ESSENCE. WHENEVER AND WHEREVER THERE IS BEAUTY, THIS INNER ESSENCE SHINES THROUGH SOMEHOW. IT ONLY REVEALS ITSELF TO YOU WHEN YOU ARE PRESENT. COULD IT BE THAT THIS NAMELESS ESSENCE AND YOUR PRESENCE ARE ONE AND THE SAME? WOULD IT BE THERE WITHOUT YOUR PRESENCE? GO DEEPLY INTO IT. FIND OUT YOURSELF.

                    

 

THE MEANING OF SURRENDER

                                             WHEN YOU GET SURRENDER

                 YOU MENTIONED "SURRERDER" A FEW TIMES. I DON'T LIKE THAT IDEA.IT SOUNDS SOMEWHAT FATALISTIC. IF WE ALWAYS ACCEPT THE WAY THINGS ARE, WE ARE NOT GOING TO MAKE ANY EFFORT TO IMPROVE THEM. IT SEEMS TO ME WHAT PROGRESS IS ALL ABOUT, BOTH IN OUR PERSONAL LIVES AND COLLECTIVELY, IS NOT TO ACCEPT THE LIMITATIONS OF THE PRESENT BUT TO STRIVE TO GO BEYOND THEM AND CREATE SOMETHING BETTER. IF WE HADN'T DONE THIS, WE WOULD STILL BE LIVING IN CAVES. HOW DO YOU RECONCILE SURRENDER WITH CHANGING THINGS AND GETTING THINGS DONE?

        TO SOME PEOPLE, SURRENDER MAY HAVE NEGATIVE CONNOTATIONS, IMPLYING DEFEAT, GIVING UP, FAILING TO RISE TO THE CHALLENGE OF LIFE. BECOMING LETHARGIC, AND SO  ON. TRUE SURRENDER, HOWEVER IS SOMETHING ENTIRELY DIFFERENT. IT DOES NOT MEAN TO PASSIVELY PUT UP WITH WHATEVER SITUATION YOU FIND YOURSELF IN AND TO DO NOTHING ABOUT IT. NOR DOES IT MEAN TO CEASE MAKING PLANS OR INITIATING POSITIVE ACTION.

         SURRENDER IS THE SIMPLE BUT PROFOUND WISDOM OF YIELDING TO RATHER THAN OPPOSING THE FLOW OF LIFE. THE ONLY PLACE WHERE YOU CAN EXPERIENCE THE FLOW OF LIFE IOS THE NOW. SO TO SURRENDER IS TO ACCEPT THE PRESENT MOMENT UNCONDITIONALLY AND WITHOUT RESERVATION. IT IS TO RELINQUISH INNER RESISTENCE TO WHAT IS INNER RESISTENCE IS TO SAY, "NO" TO WHAT IS THROUGH MENTAL JUDGMENT AND EMOTIONAL NEGATIVITY. IT BECOMES PARTICULARLY PRONOUNCED WHEN THINGS "GO WRONG" WHICH BECOMES PARTICULARLY PRONOUNCED WHEN THING "GO WRONG" WHICH MEANS THAT THERE IS A GAP BETWEEN THE DEMANDS OR RIGID EXPECTATIONS OF YOUR MIND AND WHAT IS. THAT IS THE PAIN GAP. IF YOU HAVE LIVED LONG ENOUGH, YOU WILL KNOW THAT THINGS "GO WRONG" QUITE OFTEN. IF IS PRECISELY AT THOSE TIMES THAT SURRENDER NEEDS TO BE PRACTICED IF YOU WANT TO ELIMINATE PAIN AND SORROW FROM YOU LIFE. ACCEPTANCE OF WHAT IS IMMEDIATELY FREES YOU FROM MIND IDENTIFICATION AND THUS RECONNECTS YOU WITH BEING. RESISTANCE IS THE MIND.

SURRENDE IS A PURELY INNER PHENOMENON. IT DOES NOT MEAN THAT ON THE OUTER LEVEL YOU CANNOT TAKE ACTION AND CHANGE THE SITUATION. IN FACT, IT IS NOT THE OVERALL SITUATION THAT YOU NEED TO ACCEPT WHEN YOU SURRENDER, BUT JUST THE TINY SEGMENT CALLED THE NOW.

FOR EXAMPLE, IF YOU WERE STUCK IN THE MUD SOMEHWERE, YOU WOULDN'T SAY "OKAY" I RESIGN MYSELF TO BEING STUCK IN THE MUD. RESIGNATION, IS NOT SURRENDER. YOU DON'T  NEED TO ACCEPT AN UNDESIRABLE OR UNPLEASANT LIFE SITUATION. NOR DO YOU NEED TO DECEIVE YOURSELF AND SAY THAT THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH BEING STUCK IN THE MUD. NO YOU RECOGNIZE FULLY THAT YOU WANT TO GET OUT OF IT. YOU THEN NARROW YOUR ATTENTION DOWN TO THE PRESENT MOMENT WIHOUT MENTALLY LABELING IT IN ANY WAY. THIS MEANS THAT THERE IS NO JUDGMENT OF THE NOW. THEREFORE, THERE IS NO RESISTENCE, NO EMOTIONAL NEGATIVITY. YOU ACCEPT THE "ISNESS" OF THIS MOMENT. THEN YOU TAKE ACTION AND DO ALL THAT YOU CAN TO GET OUT OF THE MUD. SUCH ACTION I CALL POSITIVE ACION. IT IS FAR MORE EFFECTIVE THAN NEGATIVE ACTION, WHICH ARISES OUT OF ANGER, DESPAIR, OR FRUSTRATION. UNTIL YOU ACHIEVE THAT DESIRED RESULT, YOU CONTINUE TO PRACTICE SURRENDER BY REFRAINING FROM LABELING THE NOW.

LET ME GIVE YOU A VISUAL ANALOGY TO ILLUSTRATE THE POINT AM  MAKING. YOU ARE WALKING ALONG A PATH AT NIGHT, SURROUNDED BY A THICK FOG. BUT YOU HAVE A POWERFUL FLASHLIGHT THAT CUTS THROUGH THE FOG AND CREATES A NARROW, CLEAR SPACE IN FRONT OF YOU. THE FOG IS YOUR LIFE SITUATION, WHICH INCLUDES PAST AND FUTURE. THE FLASHLIGHT IS YOUR CONSCIOUS PRESENCE, THE CLEAR SPACE IS THE NOW.

 NON-SURRENDER HARDENS YOUR PSYCHOLOGICAL FROM, THE SHELL OF THE EGO, AND SO CREATES A STRONG SENSE OF SEPARATENESS. TEH WORLD AROUND YOU AND PEOPLE IN PARTICULAR COME TO BE PERCEIVED AS THREATENING. THE UNCONSCIOUS COMPULSION TO DESTROY OTHERS THROUGH JUDGEMENT ARISES, AS DOES THE NEED TO COMPLETE AND DOMINATE. EVEN NATURE BECOMES YOUR ENEMY AND YOUR PERCEPTIONS AND INTERPRETATIONS ARE GOVERNED BY FEAR. THE MENTAL DISEASE THAT WE CALL PARANOIA IS ONLY A SLIGHTLY MORE ACUTE FORM OF THIS NORMAL BUT DYSFUNCTIONAL STATE OF CONSCIOUSNESS.

NOT ONLY YOUR PSYCHOLOGICAL FORM BUT ALSO YOUR PHYSICAL FORM- YOUR BODY- BECOMES HARD AND RIGID THROUGH RESISTANCE. TENSION ARISES IN DIFFERENT PARTS OF THE BODY, AND THE BODY AS A WHOLE CONTRACTS. THE FREE FLOW OF LIFE ENERGY THROUGH THE BODY, WHICH IS ESSENTIAL FOR ITS HEALTHY FUNCTIONING, IS GREATLY RESTRICTED. BODYWORK AND CERTAIN FORMS OF PHYSICAL THERAPY CAN BE HELPFUL IN RESTORING THIS FLOW, BUT UNLESS YOU PRACTICE SURRENDER IN YOUR EVERYDAY LIFE, THOSE THINGS CAN ONLY GIVE TEMPORARAY SYMPTOM RELIEF  SINCE THE CAUSE- THE RESISTANCE PATTERN - HAS NOT BEEN DISSOLVED.

THERE IS SOMETHING WITHIN YOU THAT REMAINS UNAFFECTED BY THE TRANSIENT CIRCUMSTANCES THAT MAKE UP YOUR LIFE SITUATION, AND ONLY THROUGH CIRCUMSTANCES THAT MAKE UP YOUR LIFE SITUATION, AND ONLY THROUGH SURRENDER DO YOU HAVE ACCESS TO IT. IT IS YOUR LIFE, YOUR VERY BEING - WHICH EXISTS ETERNALLY IN THE TIMELESS REALM OF THE PRESENT. FINDING THIS LIFE IS "THE ONE THING THAT IS NEEDED " THAT JESUS TALKED ABOUT.