SELF TALK

 

                                               BY IMPROVING YOURSELF 

                                                        WITH SELF TALK

               A TYPICAL EXAMPLE OF THE STORIES I 'M TOLD IS FOUND IN A LETTER I RECEIVED FROM A WOMAN WHO, AFTER ATTENDING A SEMINAR ON SELF-TALK HAD DECIDED TO LISTEN TO RECORDED SELF-TALK TO HELP HER WITH HER "FAMILY RELATIONSHIP"- IN PARTICULAR, HER RELATIONSHIP WITH HER HUSBAND. THINGS HADN'T BEEN GOING TOO WELL FOR THEM, FINANCIALLY OR OTHERWISE, AND SHE WANTED TO PUT THINGS STRAIGHT, MEANWHILE, HER HUSBAND WAS SHOWING ALL THE SIGNS OF MAKING A SHOW BUT PREDICTABLE DEPARTURE FROM THE RELATIONSHIP.

                THE WOMAN HAD GRADUATED FROM WRITING SELF-TALK CARDS AND READING THEM TO HERSELF, TO LISTENING TO RECORDED SELF-TALK. SHE LISTENED TO A SESSION ON IMPROVING PERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS, A SESSION ON SELF-ESTEEM, A SESSION ON GOAL-SETTING, AND ANOTHER SESSION ON TAKING RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOURSELF. SHE LISTENED TO SELF-TALK EACH MORNING, WHEN SHE COULD DURING DAY, AND EACH NIGHT HUST BEFORE SHE WENT TO SLEEP. TO LISTEN TO THE SELF-TALK, SHE LET THE SESSIONS PLAY ALOUD, BUT IN THE BACKGROUND. ACCORDING TO HER, WHEN SHE FIRST BEGAN PLAING THE POSITIVE SELF-TAKE INT HE BACKGROUND, HER HUSBAND COULD NOT HAVE CARED LESS.

                  BUT AFTER A WEEK OR TWO, HER HUSBAND TOOK HER TO DINNER ONE EVENING, AND DURING DINNER THEY DISCUSSED THE SELF-TALK SHE WAS LISTENING TO. HE STILL SHOWED EVERY SIGN OF DISINTEREST IN THE SELF-TALK THE NEXT DAY, BUT AS SHE HAD LEARNED IN THE SEMINAR. DON'T WORRY TOO MUCH ABOUT WHAT THE OTHER PEOPLE AROUND YOU THINK ABOUT YOUR SELF-TALK. JUST KEEP DOINT IT.

             BY THE END OF THE THIRD WEEK, HER HUSBAND ASKED HER TO REPLAY ONE OF THE SESSION SHE HAD BEEN PLAYING WHILE THEY WERE GETTING DRESSED ONE MORNING. EARLIER, SHE HAD NOTICED THAT THEY WERE ARGUING LESS, BUT UNTIL THAT MORNING, HE HAD NEVER SHOWN ANY ACTIVE INTEREST IN THE SELF-TALK SHE WAS LISTENING TO EACH DAY. SHORTLY THEREAFTER,THE HUSBAND BEGAN TO EXHIBIT NOTICEABLE PROBLEMS THE HAD BEEN HAVING ON HIS JOB.

                  THE END RESULT WAS THAT BOTH OF THEM BEGAN TO TALK MORE, STARTED MAKING SOME NEW PLANTS, AND STARTED WORKING TOGETHER AGAIN. HER SELF-TALK  HAD THE SAME EFFECT ON HIM AS IT DID ON HER! IT MADE NO DIFFERENCE WHETHER HE BELIEVED IN THE SELF-TALK OR NOT. HIS SUBCONSCIOUS  MIND DIDN'T CARE IT SIMPLY ACTED ON THE NEW INFORMATION HE WAS UNCONSIOUSLY PROGRAMMING. HE WAS, WITHOUT EVEN THINKING ABOUT IT, ACCEPTING THE NEW, MORE POSITIVE PROGRAMMING THAT BEING PLAYED AS A BACKGROUND TO THIER DAILY LIVES. INITIALLY, ONE OF THEM, 'BELIEVED' AND THE OTHER DID NOT. IT DIDN'T MAKE ANY DIFFERENCE.

                  IN YOUR OWN PRACTICE OF SELF-TALK, THE IMMEDIATELY HELPING THING YOU CAN DO IS TO LISTEN TO SELF-TALK. MANY PEOPLE START WITH LISTENING TO THE SELF-TALK SESSION THAT ARE DESIGNED TO HELP THEM REACH THEIR GOALS. THAT'S BECAUSE THE ARE OF GOAL-SETTING AND GOAL ACHIEVEMENT IS WHERE ISTHE EXTERNAL RESULTS OF THE INTERNAL CHANGES YOU'RE MAKING ARE LIVED OUT IN EVERY MOMENT OF YOUR DAY, AND YOU CAN SEE THE FIRST RESULTS ALMOST IMMEDIATELY. SINCE SELF-TALK SESSIONS CAN NOW BE STREAMED DIRECTLY TO YOUR SMARTPHONE OR ANY LISTENING DEVICE, LISTENING IN THIS WAY HAS BECOME VERY POPULAR, AND IT'S ALSO PRACTICAL.

                   LISTENING TO RECORDED SELF-TALK SESSIONS HAS SOME ADVANTAGES GOING FOR IS THAT ARE AS YET UNRIVALED IN THE SELF-DEVELOPMENT FIELD. THE FIRST AND MOST IMPORTANT ADVANTAGES IS THAT YOU CAN LISTEN TO PASSIVE SELF-TALK THAT IS WRITING YOUR BRAIN AND IMPROVING YOUR LIFE WHILE YOU'RE DOING SOMETHING ELSE. YOU DONT HAVE TO FOCUS ON LISTENING. BECAUSE THE SELF-TALK IS BEING PLAYED LOUD ENOUGH TO BE HEARD, AND IT'S CLEARLY AUDIBLE, EVEN IF IT'S PLAYING SOFTLY IN THE BACKGROUND, YOUR SUBCONSCIOUS MIND WILL BE LISTENING, AND IT WILL BE BUSILY PROGRAMMING THE NEW POSITIVE INFORMATION ABOUT YOU WHETHER YOU'RE CONNSCIOUSLY THINKING ABOUT IT OR NOT.

                   ANOTHER ADVANTAGE TO LISTENING IS THAT DOING SO WITH TODAY'S, TECHNOLOGICAL ADVANTAGES IS ESPECIALLY CONVENIENT - SO ITS A TOOL YOU ACTUALLY END UP USING. ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS TAP ON THE MENU OF SELF-TALK SESSIONS LISTED ON THE SCREEN OF YOUR SMARTPHONE, SELECT THE SUBJECT YOU WANT TO LISTEN TO THAT DAY, AND START LISTENING. WRITING OUT SCRIPTS OF SELF-BELIEF, READING AND REREADING A BOOK, OR TRYING TO STUDY A COURSE IN SELF-ACHIEVEMENT.

                   YET ANOTHER IMPORTANT ADVANTAGE IS THAT THE RECORDED SESSION, BECAUSE  THEY ARE AVAILABLE ANYTIME WE WANT TO LISTEN OR ANYTIME WE NEED THEIR HELP, GIVE US A "COACH" THAT USES THE RIGHT SELF-TALK TO GIVE US IMMEDIATE EXTERNAL MOTIVATION WHEN WE MINDS WITH A WINNING SCRIPT OF INTERNAL MOTIVATION TO GIVE US LISTENING RESULTS.

                   ONE OF MY FAVORITE SELF-TALK SESSION SIS TITLED, "BELIEVING IN INCREDIBLE YOU". IT IS IMPOSSIBLE TO LISTEN TO THAT SESSION WITHOUT FEELING OF LISTENING. AND WHILE IT IS GEARING ME UP AND GETTING ME GOING, FILLING ME WITH THE KIND OF ENTHUSIASM THAT TURNS AN AVERAGE DAY INTO AN EXCEPTIONAL DAY, IT IS ALSO CAREFULLY AND BUSILY REPROGRAMMING ME TO MAKE EVERY DAY MORE EFFECTIVE, MORE PRODUCTIVE, MORE SELF-FULFILLING IN EVERY WAY. 

                      LISTENING TO THAT KIND OF SELF-TALK SESSION IS LIKE HAVING, A PERSONAL COACH, A BEST FRIEND, STANDING AT YOUR SIDE, ENCOURAGING, MOTIVATING, UPLIFTING, BELIEVING, AND PUSHIBG YOU FORWARD THAT DAY, THAT MOMENT, HELPING YOU EXTRACT AND ACHIEGVE THE BEST FROM YOURSELF.

                   IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO AVAIL YOURSELF OF ONE OF THE MOST WORTHWHILE METHODS OF SETTING UP YOUR OWN FUTURE TO THE GOOD, I ENCOURAGE YOU TO LISTEN TO SELF-TALK. OF ALL THE WAYS TO PRACTICE SELF-TALK LISTENING TO THE RIGHT SELF-TALK IS THE MOST IMMEDIATELY HELPFUL AND THE MOST ENDURING. JUST TAP THE SCREEN, GO ABOUT YOUR DAY, AND LET IT PLAY. YOUR SUBCONSIOUS MIND WILL BE LISTENING.

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THE SELF - MANAGEMENT SEQUENCE

 

 

                            THE FIVE STEPS THAT CONTROL OUR

                                       SUCCESS OR FAILURE

                                      1. BEHAVIOR

                      THE STEP THAT MOST DIRECTLY CONTROLS OUR SUCCESS OR FAILURE IS OUR BEHAVIOR - WHAT WE DO OR DO NOT DO. BEHAVIOR OUR ACTIONS. HOW WE ACT, WHAT WE DO, EACH MOMENT OF EACH DAY WILL DETERMINE WHETHER OR NOT WE WILL BE SUCCESSFUL THAT MOMENT OR THAT DAY IN ANYTHING THAT WE DO. THE RIGHT SERIES OF THE RIGHT ACTIONS WILL ALWAYS END UP MAKING THINGS WORK BETTER THAN THE WRONG SERIES OF THE WRONG ACTIONS. IN MOST CAUSES, IF YOU DO THE RIGHT THING, YOU'RE GOING TO ACHIEVE THE RIGHT RESULTS.

                 THIS STEP INVOLVES EVEN THE SIMPLEST LEVEL OF BEHAVIOR. AS AN EXAMPLE, IF YOU LIKE YOUR JOB,DO THE RIGHT THING AT THE RIGHT TIME, AND KEEP AT IT, THERE IS A GOOD CHANCE THAT YOUR JOB WILL DO WELL FOR YOU. IF, ON THE OTHER HAND, YOU DO NOT LIKE YOUR WORK AND DO THINGS THAT WORK AGAINST YOU ON THE JOB, IT WON'T WORK AS WELL FOR YOU.

                 LET'S USEANOTHER EXAMPLE, IF A STUDENT IN SCHOOL REFUSES TO STUDY, NEVER PAYS ATTENTION, AND MISSES A LOT OF CLASSS (ALL BEHAVIOR) WILL THE STUDENT DO WELL IN SCHOOL? PROBABLY NOT. IF THAT STUDENT BEHAVIOR IN A WAY THAT SAYS, "I DONT LIKE BEING WHERE I AM, HIS OR HER BEHAVIOR WILL ULTIMATELY CAUSE A PROBLEM. THE GOOD GRADES WON'T SHOW UP, AND IF SOMETHING DOESN'T CHANGE, EVENTUALLY NEITHER WILL THE STUDENT.

                 THE SAME IS TRUE OF YOUR HOME LIKE. IF YOU DON'T LIKE WHERE YOU ARE IN YOUR HOME LIFE, WHAT WILL YOU DO? IF YOU ARE LIKE MOST OF US,IN ONE WAY OR ANOTHER , YOUR BEHAVIOR, YOUR ACTIONS WILL ALERT THOSE AROUND YOU THAT YOU ARE UNHAPPY. THE RESULT WILL BE AN UNHEALTHY HOME LIFE, OR AT A MINIMUM YOU WILL HAVE TO LIVE WITH DISAGREEMENTS, ARGUMENTS, AND UNHAPPINESS IN ONE FORM OR ANOTHER.

                     ON THE OTHER HAND, IF YOUR ACTIONS ARE THOSE THAT WORK FOR YOU INSTEAD OF AGAINTS YOU, THE LIKEHOOD IS THAT THINGS AROUND YOU WILL HAVE A BETTER CHANCE OF WORKING FOR YOU INSTEAD OF AGAINST YOU.

                   BUT IT GOES FAR BEYOND THAT. HOW YOU MANAGE YOUR SELF, WHAT YOU DO, HOW YOU ACT EACH AND EVERY MOMENT, EVERY WORK YOU SPEAK, MOTION YOU MAKE, AND ACTION YOU TAKE OR DO NOT TAKE WILL DETERMINE HOW WELL ANYTHING IN YOUR LIFE WORKS FOR YOU. IT DOES NOT TAKE A WIZARD TO TELL US WHEN WE DO THE RIGHT THINGS, THERE IS ALWAYS A BETTER CHANCE THAT THINGS WILL WORK BETTER FOR US THAN WHEN WE DO THE WRONG THINGS.

                BUT WHY DO WE DO WHAT WE DO?WHY DO WE NOT TO THE THINGS WE KNOW WE SHOULD NOT? WHAT MAKES US DO WHAT WE DO? WHAT MAKES US ACT THE WAY WE ACT, BEHAVE THE WAY WE BEHAVE? WHY DO WE EVER DO ANYTHING THAT WORKS AGAINST US INSTEAD OF ALWAYS DOING EXACTLY THAT WHICH FOR US ? IT IS BEHAVIOR WE DON'T KNOW ANY BETTER? NO. WE USUALLY KNOW WHAT'S RIGHT AND WHAT'S WRONG.

                     THE REASON WE DON'T HEED EVEN OUR OWN ADVICE IS BECAUSE OF SOMETHING ELSE THAT AFFECTS, DIRECTS, INFLUENCES, OR CONTROLS ALL OF OUR ACTIONS. THAT SOMETHING THAT MAKES US DO WHAT WE DO IS CALLED OUR.

                  

                                 2. FEELINGS

                        EVERY ACTIONS WE TAKE IS FIRST FILTERED THROUGH OUR FEELINGS. HOW WE FEEL ABOUT SOMETHING WILL ALWAYS DETERMINE OR AFFECT WHAT WE DO AND HOW WELL WE DO IT.

                      IF WE FEEL GOOD OR POSITIVE ABOUT SOMETHING, WE WILL BEHAVE MORE POSITIVELY ABOUT IT. OUR FEELINGS WILL DIRECTLY INFLUENCES OUR ACTIONS. HAVE YOU EVER WATCHED CHILDREN WHO WERE MADE TO EAT SOMETHING THEY DIDN'T LIKE? HOW DID THEY ACT? I'VE SEEN CHILDREN WHO LOOKED AS THOUGH THEY WERE GOING TO DIE RIGHT THERE ON THE SPOT. BUT SET A FAVORITE DESSERT IN FRONT OF THE SAME CHILDREN AND WHAT WILL THEY DO? THEY MAY LOOK AS THOUGH THEY'RE GOING TO DIVINE INTO IT HEADFIRST.

                   WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THE ONE PLATE OF FOOD AND THE OTHER? IT'S NOT THAT ONE TYPE OF FOOD IS BETTER THAN THE OTHER. THE DIFFERENCE IS IN HOW THOSE CHILDREN HAVE COME TO FEEL ABOUT THE FOOD. THE WAY THE CHILDREN FELT DETERMINED WHAT ACTIONS THEY TOOK. IN ONE INSTANCE THEY FOUGHT IT, IN THE OTHER THEY RELISHED IT.

                   I HAVE A FRIEND WHOSE FEAR IS THAT OF FLYING. ORDINARYILY, SHE IS LEVEHEADED AND POSSESS AN EVEN DISPOSITION, BUT BECAUSE OF HER FEAR OF BEING IN AN AIRPLANE, SHE WOULD RATHER DRIVE A CAR FROM HER HOME IN THE MIDWEST TO VISIT HER FAMILY ON THE EAST COAST, AND LOSE TWO OR THREE DAYS GETTING THERE, THAN HOP ON A PLANT AND BE WITH HER FAMILY IN TWO OR THREE SHORT HOURS. WHEN CIRCUMSTANCES DEMAND THAT SHE DOES FLY, SHE LOSES HER WELL-MANNERED, EVEN TEMPERAMENT, HER STREES LEVEL TRIPLES,HER ENXIETIES TAKE OVER,  AND SHE GETS SICK EVEN BEFORE THE FLIGHT BEGINS.

             IS IT THE FLYING? NO. IT IS HER FEELINGS ABOUT FLYING THAT CAUSE HER TO ACT THE WAY SHE DOES. IN THIS EXAMPLE, YOU'LL NOTICE THAT, ONCE AGAIN, IT MADE NO DIFFERENT IT THE INDIVIDUALS FEELINGS WERE "RATIONAL", HER FEELINGS NONETHELESS DIRECTLY CONTROLLED, INFLUENCED, AND SEVERELY AFFECTED THE WOMAN'S ACTIONS.

                      YOUR FEELINGS ABOUT ANYTHING YOU DO WILL AFFECT HOW YOU DO IT. IT DOESN'T HAVE TO BE FEELINGS OF LIKE OR DISLIKE, JOY OR FEAR, ALL OF YOUR  FEELINGS AFFECT YOUR ACTIONS. HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT YOUR JOB, YOUR MATE, YOUR FAMILY, YOUR MONEY, YOUR HEALTH, YOURSELF, AND YOUR SUCCESS WILL DETERMINE HOW YOU HEHAVE IN EACH OF THESE AREAS. IF YOUR FEELINGS ARE POSITIVE AND PRODUCTIVE, YOUR ACTIONS WILL FOLLOW.

                     BUT WHAT CAUSES YOU TO HAVE THE FEELINGS THAT ARE SO MUCH A PART OF YOU? DID YOU GET THEM BY ACCIDENT? WHAT CREATES THE WAY YOU FEEL ABOUT ANYTHING? CHANCE? NEVER. YOUR FEELINGS ARE CREATED, CONTROLLED, DETERMINED, OR INFLUENCED BY YOUR.

                        3. ATTITUDES

                YOUR ATTITUDES ARE THE PERSPECTIVE FROM WHICH YOU VIEW LIFE. SOME PEOPLE SEEM TO HAVE A GOOD ATTITUDE ABOUT MOST THINGS. SOME PEOPLE SEEM TO HAVE A BAD ATTITUDE ABOUT EVERYTHING. BUT WHEN YOU LOOK CLOSER, YOU WILL FIND THAT MOST OF US HAVE A COMBINATON OF ATTITUDES, SOME GOOD, SOME NOT SO GOOD.

                WHATEVER ATTITUDE WE HAVE ABOUT ANYTHING WILL AFFECT HOW WE FEEL ABOUT IT, WHICH IN TURN DETERMINES HOW WE'LL ACT ABOUT IT, AND THAT IN TURN DETERMINES WHETHER OR NOT WE WILL DO WELL. SO, OUR ATTITUDE PLAY A VERY IMPORTANT PART IN HELPING US BECOME SUCCESSFUL.

                INFACT, AS WE CAN SEE, A GOOD ATTITUDE IS ESSENTIAL TO ACHIEVEMENT OF ANY KIND. WE SO OFTEN HEAR OF SOMEONE WHO SAID TO HAVE A BAD ATTITUDE, THE TERM IS OFTEN APPLIED TO YOUNG  PEOPLE , ESPECIALLY TO TEENAGERS WHO FREQUENTLY GET INTO TROUBLE, BUT WE OFTEN HEAR IT ABOUT ADULTS, TOO. THE IMPLICATION IS ALWAYS THAT THE INDIVIDUALS IN QUESTION ARE NOT GOING TO MAKE IT IF THEY DON'T CHANGE THEIR ATTITUDES.

               I WOULD AGREE. WTHOUT A GOOD ATTITUDE, A PERSPECTIVE THAT ALLOWS US TO SEE THE OPPORTUNITIES AHEAD AND SET OUR SIGHTS TO REACH THEM, WE NEVER WILL. BUT EVEN MORE IMPORTANT IS THE FACT THAT IN ORDER TO POSSESS THE KINDS OF FEELINGS THAT WORK FOR US, WE'VE GOT TO HAVE THE RIGHT ATTITUDES TO START WITH.

                 BUT WHERE DO WE GET OUR ATTITUDES? ARE WE BORN WITH THEM? OR DO THEY JUST APPEAR OUT OF NOWHERE?

               OUR ATTITUDES ARE NO ACCIDENT . THEY DON'T JUST HAPPEN. OUR ATTITUDES ARE CREATED, CONTROLLED, OR INFLUENCED ENTIRELY BY OUR.

                            4. BELIEFS

                    WHAT WE BELIEVE ANYTHIING WILL DETERMINE OUR ATTITUDES ABOUT IT, CREATE OUR FEELINGS, DIRECT OUR ACTIONS, AND IN EACH IN. STRANCE, HELP US TO DO WELL OR POORLY, SUCCEED OR FAIL. THE BELIEF THAT WE HAVE ABOUT ANYTHING IS SO POWERFUL THAT IT CAN EVEN MAKE SOMETHING APPEAR  TO BE SOMETHING DIFFERENT THAN WHAT IT REALLY IS, "BELIEF" DOES NOT REQUIRE THAT SOMETHING ACTUALLY BE THE WAY WE SEE IT TO BE. IT REQUIRES US TO BELIEVE THAT THAT'S THE WAY IT IS.

                    BELIEF DOES NOT REQUIRE SOMETHING TO  BE TRUE. IT ONLY REQUIRES US TO BELIEVE THT IT'S TRUE. THAT'S POWERFUL STUFF! THAT MEANS MOST OF WHAT REALITY IS, TO EACH OF US, IS BASED ON WHAT WE HAVE COME TO BELIEVE - WHETHER IT'S TRUE OR NOT.

                   IT IS POSSIBLE THAT TOMORROW MORNING, IN SOME CLASSROOM IN A FOREIGN NATION, THERE WILL SIT A LITTLE BOY OR GIRL WHO BELIEVE THAT OUR COUNTRY IS BAD. IT IS ALSO LIKE THAT TOMORROW MORNING, IN SOME CLASS ROOM IN OUR COUNTRY, THERE WILL SIT A YOUNG BOY OR GIRL WHO BELIEVE THAT THE OTHER NATION IS BAD. IT MAKS NO DIFFERENCE WHETHER IT IS TRUE OR NOT. IT IS WHAT THEY BELIEVE. AND WHAT THEY BELIEVE WILL AFFECT THEIR ATTITUDES, FEELINGS, AND ACTIONS, ONE DAY WHEN THEY GROW OLDER, THEY COULD SEE EACH OTHER AS A ENEMY, AND TRY TO KILL EACH OTHER. TO EACH OF THEM IT WOULD BE RIGHT. IT WOULD BE WHAT THEY BELIEVE.

                  WHEN I WAS A CHILD, SITTNG ON A CHURCH BENCH, TRYING TO UNDERSTAND WHAT THE MAN IN THE PULPIT WAS TALKING ABOUT, I REMEMBER HIM TELLING S TO "BELIEVE". I DIDN'T KNOW HOW TO DO THAT. I THOUGHT THAT SOME PEOPLE WERE LUCKY AND SOME WERE NOT. SOME JUST NATURALLY GOT TO BELIEVE, AND SOME DIDN'T. I DID NOT KNOW YET WHERE BELIEF COMES FROM, AND I CERTAINLY DIDN'T KNOW THE POWER THAT BELIEF WOULD HAVE IN MY LIFE AND THE POWER BELIEFS HAD HELD IN THE LIVES OF EVERY HUMAN BEING WHO HAD EVER LIVED.

               AS AN EXAMPLE OF HOW IMPORTANT BELIEF CAN BE, IMAGINE BELIEVING SOMETHING ABOUT YOURSELF, SOMETHING THAT WAS WORKING AGAINST YOU BUT THAT WAS NOT TRUE.

             LET'S SAY YOU BELIEVE THAT YOU HAD TROUBLE MAKING FRIENDS EASILY, OR BEING ACCEPTED EASILY AND NATURALLY BY OTHERS. YOU BELIEVED YOU TOOK A SOCIAL BACKSEAT TO PEOPLE WHO SEEMED TO BE MORE POPULAR. AS A  RESULT, YOU FOUND YOURSELF STANDING BACT AT SOCIAL GATHERINGS, SELF-CONSCIOUS AND UNSURE OF WHAT TO SAY. AT YOUR WORK YOU OFTEN MISSED OPPORTUNITIES BECAUSE YOU DID NOT SPEAK UP - EVEN WHEN YOUR IDEA WAS BETTER THAN THE IDEA THAT WAS ACCEPTED FROM SOMEONE ELSE WHO DID SPEAK UP. LET'S SAY YOU KNEW THAT YOU WANTED TO BE INTELLIGENT AND WITTY AND FUN, BUT YOU BELIEVED THAT YOU WANTED TO BE INTELLIGENT AND WITTY AND FUN, BUT YOU BELIEVED THAT THE OUTSIDE YOU JUST DIDN'T MEASURE UP.

              SINCE WHATEVER YOU BELIEVE ABOUT YOURSELF WILL END UP AFFECTING WHAT YOU DO, YOU CAN BE SURE THAT IF YOU BELIEVE THAT YOU ARE NOT AS SOCIALLY SUCCESSFUL AS YOU WOULD TO BE, YOUR BELIEF ABOUT YOURSELF WILL TURN OUT TO BE CORRECT- WHETHER IT WAS TRUE OR NOT. BEYOND TENDENCIES TOWARD ASSERTIVENESS SHYNESS, ETCETERA, MOST SOCIAL BEHAVIORS ARE CONDITIONED TO BEGIN WITH - NO ONE I BORN POPULAR AND SOCIALLY ADEPT. EVERY SOCIAL GRACE, SKILL, AND COMFORT LEVEL THAT WE HAVE, SUCCESSFUL OR UNSUCCESSFUL, IS BASED ON WHAT WE LEARN TO BELIEVE ABOUT OURSELVES. IF YOU TELL YOURSELF THAT YOU CANNOT, WHAT CAN THE ONLY OUTCOME BE? 

                    WE ALL HAVE THOUSANDS OF BIG AND LITTLE BELIEFS ABOUT OURSELVES. SOME OF THEM PROBABLY ARE TRUE. I SUSPECT THAT MOST OF THEM ARE NOT. BUT YOUR MIND WILL ACT AS THOUGH THEY ARE TRUE, IF YOU BELIEVE THEM.

                   WHAT MAKES US BELIEVE? DO OUR BELIEFS JUST ONE DAY SPRING OUT OF NOWWHERE? WERE OUR BELIEFS HANDED TO US ON THE DAY OF OUR BIRTH, LIKE BIRTHMARKS OF OUR HEREDITY TO BE KEPT FOREVER? DO WE CREATE THEM OURSELVES? WHERE DO WE GE THEM? OUR BELIEFS ARE NOT ACCIDENTS OF NATURE. OUR BELIEFS ARE CREATD AND DIRECTED ENTIRELY BY OUR.

                          5. PROGRAMMING

                     WE BELIEVE WHAT WE ARE PROGRAMMED TO BELIEVE. OUR CONDITIONING, FROM THE DAY WE WERE BORN, HAS CREATED, REINFORCED, AND NEARLY PERMANENTLY CEMENTED MOST OF WHAT WE BELIEVE ABOUT OURSELVES AND WHAT WE BELIEVE ABOUT MOST OF WHAT GOES ON AROUND US. THE RESULT OF IT IS WHAT WE BELIEVE.

                   IT ALL STARTS WITH OUR PROGRAMMING. WHAT WE HAVE ACCEPTED FROM THE OUTSIDE WORLD, OR FED TO OURSELVES, HAS INITIATED A NATURAL CAUSE-AND-EFFECT CHAIN REACTION SEQUENCE THAT LEADS US EITHER TO SUCCESSFUL SELF-MANAGEMENT, OR TO THE UNSUCCESSFUL MISMANAGEMENT OR OURSELVES, OUR RESOURCES, AND OUR FUTURE.

               IT IS OUR PROGRAMMING THAT SETS UP OUR BELIEFS, AND THE CHAIN REACTION BEGINS, IN LOGICAL PROGRESSION, WHAT WE BELIEVE DETERMINES OUR ATTITUDES, AFFECTS OUR FEELINGS, DIRECTS OUR BEHAVIOR, AND DETERMINES OUR SUCCESS OR FAILURE.

                1. PROGRAMMING CREATES BELIEFS.

                2. BELIEFS CREATE ATTITUDE.

                3. ATTITUDES CREATE FEELINGS.

                4. FEELINGS DETERMINES ACTIONS.

                5. ACTIONS CREATE RESULTS.

                       THAT'S HOW THE BRAIN WORKS. IT YOU WANT TO MANAGE YOURSELF IN A BETTER WAY, AND CHANGE YOUR RESULTS, YOU CAN DO SO AT ANY TIME YOU CHOOSE. START WITH THE FIRST STEP. CHANGE YOUR PROGRAMMING.

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THE UNIVERSAL LOVE

 

                                                      ASK FOR GUIDANCE

                 THE MOMENT YOU PRAY FOR GUIDANCE, YOU RECONNECT WITH YOUR INNER WISDOM, THE VOICE OF LOVE. IN AN INSTANT YOU CAN RELEASE THE TEACHER OF FEAR AND CHOOSE THE TEACHER OF LOVE BY WELCOMING SPIRITUAL GUIDANCE. THINK OF THIS SPIRITUAL CONNECTION AS A LOVING FRIEND, AN INTERMEDIARY, GUIDING YOUR THOUGHTS FROM FEAR OF LOVE.

                 THAT'S HOW SIMPLE THIS IS. JUSK ASK FOR HELP.

                 TRY IT NOW.

                  PICK ANY AREA OF YOUR LIFE THAT FEELS BLOCKED.

               NOW ASK FOR GUIDANCE. "THANK YOU, UNIVERSE, FOR GUIDING ME TO PERCEIVE THIS FEAR THROUGH THE TEACHER OF LOVE". 

              NOTICE HOW YOU FEEL AFTER SAYING THIS PRAYER. IT'S POSSIBLE THAT YOU MAY HAVE FELT IMMEDIATE RELIEF. CONTINUE TO USE THIS PRAYER THROUGHOUT YOUR DAY AND PAY ATTENTION TO EVERY MOMENT OF RELIEF AND THE GUIDANCE THAT YOU RECEIVE. MY HOPE IS THAT THIS PRAYER PROCESS WILL HELP YOU SEE HOW EASY IT TO REALIGN WITH THE ENERGY OF THE UNIVERSE AND CHOOSE THE PERCEPTION OF LOVE.  IN ANY MOMENT,  NO MATTER HOW FAR DOWN THE NEGATIVE PATH OF LOVE YOU'VE GONE, YOU CAN CHOOSE AGAIN. YOU CAN ALWAYS CHOOSE AGAIN.

                                          PRACTICE THE HOLY INSTANT

                  WHEN YOU PRAY TO LEARN THROUGH THE TEACHER OF LOVE EVER THE TEACHER OF FEAR, YOU EXPERIENCE WHAT A COURSEIN MIRACLES CALLS THE "HOLY INSTANT". THE HOLY INSTANT IS THE MOMENT THAT YOU SURRENDER YOUR FEAR TO THE CARE OF THE UNIVERSE AND ACCEPT THE PERSPECTIVE OF LOVE. IT'S NOT TEMPORAL, OR BASED IN TIME. RATHER, IT'S INSTANT OUT OF TIME AND SPACE IN WHICH OUR DECISION-MAKING MIND REALIZES IT MADE A MISTAKE (THE UNHOLY INSTANT) AND INVITES THE LOVING PERCEPTION OF THE UNIVERSE TO REINTERPRET THE SITUATION. THE SHIFT IN PERCEPTION ENABLES US TO UNDERSTAND THAT THE WORLD SHIFT IN PERCEPTION OF THE WORLD WE CREATED IN OUR MIND.THAT THE PROBLEM IS NOT OUTSIDE, BUT WITHIN, WE'RE REMINDED THAT THERE'S A LOVING SPIRITUAL PRESENCE THAT CAN RESTORE US TO SANITY. THA'S THE HOLY INSTANT. AND WHEN WE WITNESS THE HOLY INSTANCE, WE EXPERIENCE A MIRACLE.

                THROUGH YOU NEW PRAYER, YOU CAN PRACTICE THE HOLY INSTANT ALL THE TIME. THE MORE PERCEPTUAL SHIFTS YOU CREATE, THE MORE YOU WILL FEEL CONNECTED TO THE FLOW OF THE UNIVERSE. THIS PRACTICE IS CRUCIAL AS WE MOVE FORWARD WITH THE WORK IN THIS CHAPTER.

                I RECENTLY WITNESSED A BEATIFUL EXAMPLE OF THE HOLY INSTANT IN ACTION. MY FRIEND WAS COMPLAINING ABOUT HOW MUCH HE DESPISED HIS BOSS. HE WENT ON AND ON ABOUT HOW HIS BOSS LED WITH AN IRON FIST, CONSTANTLY PUT EVERY ONE DAY, AND CREATED A NEGATIVE WORK ENVIROMENT. MY FRIEND WAS ANGRY AND DISTRAUGHT ABOUT HE SITUATION, BUT (AND THIS IS CRUCIAL) HE WAS WILLING TO SEE  IT DIFFERENTLY. HIS WILLINGNESS LED HIM TO SAY THE MAGIC WORDS TO ME. I NEED HELP. I WANT TO SEE THIS DIFFERENTLY. THIS REQUEST FOR HELP OPENED THE INVISIBLE DOOR TO THE UNIVERSAL REALM OF SPIRITUAL GUIDANCE. 

                SPIRIT WORKS THROUGH PEOPLE, AND ON THIS DAY SPIRIT WORKED THROUGH ME. I RESPONDED TO HIM BY TEACHING HIM THE HOLY INSTANT. I EXPLAINED TO HIM THAT THROUGH THE PRACTICEOF TURNING YOUR FEAR OVER TO LOVE, YOU COULD SHIFT YOUR PERCEPTION OF YOUR ENEMY INTO THE PERCEPTION OF A BROTHER. TOGETHER WE SAID A PRAYER. WE SAID, "THANK YOU, SPIRIT FOR YOUR GUIDANCE. WE SURRENDER THIS GRIEVANCE TO YOU, AND WE WELCOME YOU IN TO REORGANIZE ALL LIMITING BELIEFS BACK TO LOVE'.

                  INSTANTLY MY FRIEND FELT BETTER. I COULD SEE THE RELIEF COME OVER HIS FACE. WE SAID OUR GOOD-BYES AND ACCEPTED THE MIRACLES OF THE HOLY INSTANT. THEN AN HOUR LATER I GOT A CALL FROM HIM. HE SAID, THE COOLEST THING HAPPENED WHEN I GOT HOME, I STOOD INMY HALLWAY REMEMBERING WHAT YOU SAID. I HEARD YOUR VOICE SAY, CHOOSE TO SEE HIM AS A BROTHER, THEN I LOOKED DOWN AT THE MAIL IN MY  HAND, AND AT THE TOP OF THE PILE WAS A CHRISTMAS CARD FROM BY BOSS. IN THAT INSTANT I FELT A RUSH OF LOVE COME OVER ME, AND I WAS ABLE TO SEE HIM AS MY BROTHER. I FELT CONNECTED TO HIM IN A DIFFERENT WAY. I FORGAVE HIM AND PRAYED HIM TO BE HAPPY THIS HOLIDAY SEASON. WOW! I RESPONDED THIS IS THE HOLY INSTANT, MY FRIEND, IT'S AVAILABLE TO YOU ALL THE TIME".

                                                     FAST COMBACK

                  THE HOLY INSTANT IS AVAILABLE TO US ALL. WE JUST HAVE TO CHOOSE IT. THE MORE WE PRACTICE THE HOLY INSTANT, THE FASTER WE RETURN TO LOVE.

  

                                     RESTORE OUR FEAR BACK TO LOVE

                    THIS IS WHAT I CALL THE COMEBACK RATE. HOW QUICKLY CAN YOU COME BACK TO LOVE? THE WORLD WE PERCEIVE WILL GIVE US COUNTLESS OPPORTUNITIES TO DISCONNECT FROM LOVE. ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS TURN ON THE NEWS, STEP INTO A PACKED SUBWAY, OR GET STUCK DRIVING IN TRAFFIC IN ORDER TO FEEL HOOKED INTO NEGATIVITY AND FEAR. THE MIRACLE ISN'T HOW WELL WE AVOID FEAR, THE MIRACLE IS HOW QUICKLY WE RETURN TO LOVE.

   

                 REMEMBER, THE GOAL ISN'T TO AVOID FEAR. FEAR WILL NEVER GO AWAY ALTOGETHER, AND IF YOU POUR YOUR ENERGY INTO TRYING TO AVOID IT, YOU MISS THE OPPORTUNITY TO EXPERIENCE THE HOLY INSTANT. INSTEAD THE GOAL IS TO NOT BELIEVE IN FEAR.

                 COMMIT TO PRACTICING THE HOLY INSTANT. WHENEVER YOU NOTICE YOURSELF STUCK IN THE FEAR-BASED STORY, USE YOUR PRAYER. THANK YOU, UNIVERSE FOR GUIDANCE ME TO PERCEIVE THIS FEAR THROUGH THE TEACHER OF LOVE.

                 WHENEVER WE ALIGN OUR THOUGHTS WITH LOVE, WE CAN TRULY FEEL THE PRESENCE OF THE UNIVERSE BEHIND US. AS YOU BEGIN TO SHIFT YOUR PERCEPTIONS OUT OF FEAR. IT'S IMPORTANT TO GET CLEAR ABOUT THE WORLD YOU WANT TO SEE. MAY FOLKS CAN GET HUNG UP ABOUT THIS CONCEPT BECAUSE EVEN THOUGH THEY ARE WILLING TO SURRENDER FEAR, A DEEP-ROOTED FEELING THEY ARE WILLING TO SURRENDER FEAR, A DEEP-ROOTED FEELING THAT THEY DON'T DESERVE LOVE REMAINS. THIS MENTALITY BLOCKS THE CAPACITY TO STEP INTO THE FLOW.

               IN EVERY SITUATION YOU HAVE TWO CHOICES, WILL YOU, LEARN THROUGH FEAR OR WILL YOU LEARN THROUGH LOVE?

                THE SIMPLEST SHIFTS CAN RECONNECT YOU IN AN INSTANT. AS YOU GET INTO THE PRACTICE OF MINDFULLY MAKING THESE SHIFTS, YOU'LL IN TURN BEGIN TO EXPERIENCE LOVE, FLOW, SYNCHRONICITY, AND A TREMENDOUS AMOUNT OF GUIDANCE. TAKE THESE UNIVERSAL LESSONS SERIOUSLY, AND YOUR HIGH VIBE ENERGY WILL CLEAR THE PATH FOR A LIFE BEYOND YOUR WILDEST DREAMS.

                  * MEDITATION AND PRAYER OPEN YOU UP TO THE POWER OF THE UNIVERSE.

                  * THE PRESENCE OF FEAR SHOWS UP WHEN YOU'RE NOT RELYING ON THE                             UNIVERSE.

                 * YOUR PROJECTION IS YOUR PERCEPTION. BECOME AWARE OF THE FEAR-                            BASED STORIES YOU'VE BEEN PROJECTING ON YOUR INTERNAL MOVIE                               SCREEN.

                  * YOUR PRESENCE IS YOUR POWER. BE MINDFUL OF HOW YOU FROM THE                             UNIVERSE. AND KNOWTHE DIFFERENT BETWEEN WHAT IF FEELS LIKE TO                           BE CONNECTED BETWEEN WHAT IF FEELS LIKE TO BE CONNECTED TO THE                         PRESENCE OF YOUR POWER VERSUS WHAT IF FEELS LIKE WHEN YOU'RE                             NOT. 

                  

                   * WHEN YOU NOTICE YOURSELF DISCONNECT FROM THE PRESENCE OF LOVE, SAY THIS PRAYER TO COME BACK TO PEACE'. I WITNESS THAT I'M OUT OF ALIGNMENT WITH MY POWER. I CHOOSE TO SEE PEACE INSTEAD OF THIS.

                           I HELP YOU BECOME MORE AWARE OF HOW YOUR INTENTIONS CREATE YOUR REALITY. THIS WORK CAN FEEL A BIT OVERWHELMING AT FIRST. TAKING RESPONSIBILITY FOR THE WORLD WE'VE CREATED CAN SEEM SCARY. BUT REMEMBER, YOU CAN CHOOSE HOW YOU WANT TO PERCIEVE EVERY SITUATION IN YOUR LIFE, INCLUDING YOUR HEALING PROCESS. LET'S SET THE INTENTION TO MOVE INTO THE NEXT CHAPTER WITH ENTHUSIASM FOR YOUR JOURNEY AND A DESIRE TO EXPAND YOUR INNER AWARENESS WITH SELF-FORGIVENESS AND GRACE. THIS PROCESS IS MEANT TO BE JOYFUL. LET YOURSELF OFF THE HOOK, AND SURRENDER TO THE GUIDANCE YOU'RE RECEIVING. HAVE FUN!

 

                                                                            👀👀👀

                   

BECOME SUCCESS WITH SPIRITUAL

 

                                                        SPIRITUAL SUCCESS

          

                   * THERE ARE MANY MISCONCEPTIONS WHEN IT COMES TO BEING A SPIRITUAL-MINDED PERSON AND BEING SUCCESSFUL IN THE WORLD.

                   * ONE IS THAT SPIRITUALITY KILLS OUR AMBITIONS AND ZEST TO ACHIEVE. THIS IS FALSE BECAUSE SPIRITUALLY JUST CHANGES OUR MOTIVE TO ACHIEVE. IT MAKES US WANT TO BE HUNGELY SUCCESSFUL SO THAT WE CAN HAVE THE RESOURCES TO HELP OTHERS. THE STORY OF KRISHNA AND ARJUNA IN THE GITA EXPLAINS MORE. FIGHT AND ACHIEVE TO HELP OTHERS, BUT BE INTERNALLY CONTENT IN YOUR PERSONAL LIFE.

                  * ANOTHER IS THAT SPIRITUAL PEOPLE GET WALKED OVER IN BUSINESS BECAUSE OF THEIR VALUES. THE STORY OF THE SAGE AND THE SNAKE DESCRIBE HOW WE SHOULD STICK TO OUR VALUES BUT BE METICULOUS AND STRAIGHTFORWARD IN BUSINESS.

                 * THOUGH WE CAN MAKE AS MUCH MONEY AS WE DESIRE,AND USE IT TO SERVE, WE SHOULD BE WARY OF ITS POTENTIAL OF DISTRACT US FROM OUR PURPOSE. 

                              AT WORK WE TEND TO COMPARE AND COMPETE WITH OTHERS,

                              INSTEAD OF COMPARING AND COMPETING WITH OURSELVES.

                    BEING THE RICHEST MAN IN THE CEMETERY DOESN'T MATTER TO ME. GOING TO BED AT NIGHT SAYING WE'VE DONE SOMETHING WONDERFUL... THAT'S WHAT MATTER TO ME.

                                                                                                         ---- STEVE JOBS

                 SUMMARY

                       👀 THERE ARE TWO CAUSES OF UNHEALTHY COMPETITION, BEING ENVIOUS OF SOMEONE OR UNCONTROLLED AMBITION.

                        👀 WE COMPETE WITH PEOPLE WHO HAVE THE SAME SKILLS OR OUTLOOK IN LIFE AS US. WHEN ANOTHER PERSON'S SKILLS HAVE NO BEARING ON OUR LIFE, WE RARELY FEEL THREATENED. 

                         👀 COMPETITION IS FOUND IN ALL SPHERE OF LIFE. SOME EXAMPLES INCLUDE SPORTS, BUSINESS, POLITICS AND THE WORKPLACE.

                          👀 JAYMIN'S STORY IS AN EXTEME CASE-STUDY OF UNHEALTHY COMPETITION.

                          👀 HEALTHY COMPETITION IS ABOUT COMPETING WITH OURSELVES RATHER THAN OTHERS TO BECOME A BETTER VERSION OF OURSELVES.

                          👀 THERE WILL ALWAYS BE WORKPLACE POLITICS BUT WE SHOULD LEARN HOW TO MANAGE IT IN A CLEAN WAY.

                                              ASSOCIATION MATTERS

                          OUR RELATIONSHIPS ARE STRONGER WHEN THEY CONTAIN A SPIRITUAL COMPONENT. THERE ARE THREE DIFFERENT WAYS TO BECOME GOOD FRIENDS WITH SOMEONE.

                      TRUTH IS, I'LL NEVER KNOW ALL THERE IS TO KNOW ABOUT YOU JUST AS YOU WILL NEVER KNOW ALL THERE IS TO KNOW ABOUT ME. HUMANS ARE BY NATURE TOO COMPLICATED TO BE UNDERSTOOD FULLY. SO WE CAN CHOOSE EITHER TO APPROACH OUR FELLOW HUMAN BEINGS WITH SUSPICION OR TO APPROACH THEM WITH A OPEN MIND, A DASH OF OPTIMISM AND A GREAT DEAL OF CANDOUR.

                                                                                                                --- TOM HANKS

                         IT IS HARD TO IMAGINE A LIFE WITHOUT RELATIONSHIPS.THE PRINCIPLE OF RELATIONSHIPS IS AN INHERENT UNIVERSAL ONE THAT GUIDES OUR LIVES. WHAT WOULD LIFE BE IF WE DID NOT HAVE OTHERS TO SHARE IT WITH? THEREFORE, WE MUST LEARN HOW TO DO IT CORRECTLY. ALTHOUGH THIS SKILL IS SELDOM TAUGHT IN SCHOOLS, IT HAS BEEN DOCUMENTED IN ANCIENT SPIRITUAL TEXTS FOR THOUSANDS OF YEARS,

                    YOUR ASSOCIATION, CALLED SANGA IN SANSKRIT, IS CRUCIALTO YOUR SUCCESS, IN THIS WORLD AND BEYOND.

                     A MAN OR A WOMAN IS KNOWN BY THE COMPANY THEY KEEP, A FAMOUS ENGLISH PROVERB STATES. THERE IS A FUNNY STORY ABOUT THE EFFECT OF ASSOCIATION. BEFORE THE INDUSTRIAL AGE, A MAN IN A VILLAGE WENT OUT TO PERFORM HIS MORNING ABLUTIONS BECAUSE IN INDIA, IN THOSE DAYS, THEY WOULD NOT HAVE RESTROOMS IN THE HOUSE. AFTER HE WAS DONE, HE GOT UP AND PUT ON HIS DHOTI, TURNED AROUND AND LOOKED AT THE STUFF, AND SAID, DISGUSTING!, I AM SO GOOD-LOOKING AND HANDSOME. I CANNOT BELIEVE THAT SOMETHING SO OBNOXIOUS AND NASTY COUL COME FROM ME. TO HIS SURPRISE, THE STUFF SPOKE BACK TO HIM AND SAID, YOU'RE CALLING ME OBNOXIOUS? LAST NIGHT, I WAS  A DELICIOUS SAMOSA. LOOK WHAT A FEW HOURS OF ASSOCIATION WITH YOU HAS DONE TO ME!.

                        OUR ASSOCIATION CAN UPLIFT OR DEPRESS US TO THE LOWEST, LEVELS. WHEN  I TALK ABOUT ASSOCIATION IN THIS CONTENT, I DO NOT MEAN GENERAL INTERACTIONS. IN OUR DAY-TO-DAY LIFE, ALL OF US WILL HAVE TO INTERACT WITH PEOPLE WHO MAY NOT NECESSARILY BE THE BEST INFLUENCE ON US. YET, WE WILL HAVE TO DO THE NEDDFUL AND SUCH INTERACTIONS ARE SIMPLY NEUTRAL DEALINGS HARDLY CAUSING US ANY HARM. ASSOCIATION IS BEYOD OUR NEUTRAL HI-HELLO DEALINGS- IT HAS TO DO WITH THE LEVEL OF INTIMACY WE SHARE WITH OTHERS.

                    ONE ANCIENT TEXT ON RELATIONSHIPS DESCRIBES SIX EXCHANGES THAT CAN CREATE INTIMACY IN PERSONAL DEALINGS:

                  OFFERINGS GIFTS AND ACCEPTING GIFTS, OPEING ONE'S MIND AND INQUIRING IN CONFIDENTS, SHARING FOOD AND RECEIVING FOOD ARE THE SIX EXCHANGES THAT DEVELOP LOVING RELATIONSHIPS.

                 SUMMARY :

                   * OUR ASSOCIATION IS POWERFUL, IT CAN UPLIFT US OR BRING US DOWN.

                  * GENERAL INTERACTIONS ARE DEALINGS MEANT TO DO THE NEEDFUL AND ARE SIMPLY NEUTRAL.

                 * INTIMATE DEALINGS ARE BUILT THROUGH THE EXCHANGE OF THINGS, FOOD, THOUGHTS,  VALUES AND BELIEF SYSTEMS. OUR LIFESTYLE IS AFFECTED MORE BY ANOTHER PERSON'S VALUE SYSTEMS THAN THEIR HABITS.

                                                                            ❤❤❤

SELF DISCOVERY

 

                              

                                                FINDING OURSELVES

                      TO FIND YOUR PURPOSE IN LIFE, YOU MUST GO ON A JOURNEY OF                                  SELF- DISCOVERY.

              SOMETIMES THE WORRIOR FEELS AS IF HE WERE LIVING TWO

              LIVES AT ONCE... THERE IS A BRIDGE THAT LINKS WHAT I DO WITH WHAT 

              I WOULD LIKE TO DO, HE THINKS. SLOWLY, HIS DREAMS TAKE OVER HIS        

              EVERYDAY LIFE, AND THEN HE REALIZES THAT HE IS READY FOR THE THING 

              HE ALWAYS WANTED. THEN ALL THAT IS NEEDED IS A LITTLE DARING, AND 

              HIS TWO LIVES BECOME ONE.

                                                                                                                      ---- PAULO COELHO

                                           UNDERSTANDING OURSELVES

                  WE HAVE TO UNDERSTAND OURSELVES TO BE ABLE TO COMPETE WITH OURSELVES. WHAT ARE OUR TENDENCIES? WHAT DO WE LIKE? WHAT DO WE NOT LIKE? WHERE DO WE WANT TO BE IN THE FUTURE? THESE ARE ONLY A FEW PRELIMINARY QUESTIONS WE NEED TO ANSWER TO SUCCEED. AND THIS PROCESS OF INQUIRY BEGINS OUR JOURNEY OF SELF-DISCOVERY.

                WE KNOW BY NOW THAT GIVING AND RECEIVING GIFTS CAN STRENGTHEN OUR RELATIONSHIPS. ONE STORY ABOUT GIVING GIFTS WHICH I FIND HILARIOUS IS ABOUT A COUPLE ON THEIR WEDDING ANNIVERSARY. A WOMAN TOLD HER HUSBAND AS SHE WISHED HIM, I JUST DREAMT THAT YOU GAVE ME A BEAUTIFUL DIAMOND NECKLACE. WHAT DO YOU THINK IT MEANS? SHE ASKED HIM. YOU'LL KNOW TONIGHT, HE SAID WITH A SMILE ON HIS FACE. HER EYES LIT UP IN ANTICIPATION. THAT EVENING THE HUSBAND CAME HOME WITH A BEAUTIFULLY WRAPPED PRESENT AND GAVE IT TO HIS WIFE. COULD IT BE WHAT I DREAM OF? SHE THOUGHT TO HERSELF. DELIGHTED, SHE OPENED IT, ONLY TO FIND A BOOK ENTITLED THE MEANING OF DREAMS!

 

                    I USED TO ALWAYS WONDER WHY ONE WOULD PUT IN SO MUCH EFFORT USING FANCY PAPER, BOWS AND RIBBONS TO WRAP A GIFT. WHY CAN WE NOT JUST GIVE THE GIFT UPFRONT TO THE PERSON WHOM WE WANT TO EXPRESS OUR LOVE FOR? I CAME TO THE CONCLUSION THAT IF WE OFFER A GIFT TO SOMEONE WITHOUT WRAPPING IT, THERE IS NO ELEMENT OF EXCITEMENT INVOLVED. CONCEALING A GIFT CREATES SUSPENSE, AND WHEN IT IS OPENED THERE IS EXCITEMENT AND THUS GREAT JOY. NOT ONLY DOES THE PERSON WHO RECEIVES THE GIFT FEEL HAPPY BUT SP DOES THE ONE WHO GIVES IT.

                  IN THE SAME WAY, EVERYONE HAS BEEN GIFTED WITH SPECIAL TALENTS AN SKILLS. EVERY INDIVIDUAL HAS SOMETHING UNIQUE IN THEM. IF GOD WERE TO REVEAL THAT TALENT TO US STRAIGHT AWAY, FROM THE VERY DAY WE WERE BORN, THERE WOULD BE NO EXCITEMENT IN OUR JOURNEY. GOD COVERS OUR TALENT, SKILLS AND POTENTIALLY ONLY SO THAT WE HAVE THE CHANCE TO DISCOVER IT. AND IN THE PROCESS OF DOING SO, IN TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHAT WE WANT TO DO WITH OUR LIVES, THERE IS A TREMENDOUS SENSE OF SATISFACTION. SELF-DISCOVERY IS NOT A ONE-TIME EVENT BUT AN ONGOING EVOLUTION, AND US LIFE GOES ON WE DISCOVER  HOW MUCH WE ARE CAPABLE OF ACHIEVING.

                    HAVE YOU EVER PLAYED PASS THE PARCEL AS A CHILD? A CLASSIC AT BIRTHDAY PARTIES, THE GAME IS CENTERED AROUND A PRIZE WRAPPED UP IN A LARGE NUMBER OF GIFT WRAPPERS. BETWEEN EACH LAYER OF WRAPPING THERE IS A SMALLER GIFT. AS THE MUSIC STARTS PLAYING, THE PARCEL IS PASSED AROUND A GROUP OF PEOPLE, IN ANTICIPATION FOR THE MUSIC TO STOP. WHEN IT DOES, THE PERSON WHO NOW HAS THE PARCEL IN THEIR HAND REMOVES ONE LAYER OF WRAPPING PAPER AND CLAIMS THE SMALL PRIZE. THE SAME PROCESS CONTINUES UNTIL THE PENULTIMATE WRAPPER, WHEN ALL THE SMALL PRIZES ARE GONE AND FINALLY THE MAIN PRIZE IS REVEALED TO THE ONE WHO HOLDS AND UNWRAPS THE LAST LAYER.

                NOW, WHAT HAS THIS CHILDREN'S GAME GOT TO DO WITH UNDERSTANDING OURSELVES? WE NEED TO UNWRAP MULTIPLE LAYERS BEFORE WE CAN ACTUALLY DISCOVER OUR TRUE POTENTIAL. THE FURTHER WE DELVE TOWARDS REALIZING OUR POTENTIAL, THE MORE LAYERS WE START TO UNCOVER, AND WITH EVERY LAYER WE COME ACROSS SMALLER GIFTS THAT WE WERE HIDDEN WITHIN US. WE DO NOT HAVE TO WAIT TO EXPERIENCE HAPPINESS UNTILL ALL THE LAYERS ARE TAKEN OFF AND THE LARGE GIFT - OUR TRUE POTENTIAL - IS REVEALED TO US. THE JOURNEY ITSELF IS VERY EXCITING AND BRINGS AND BRINGS DEEP SATISFACTION. WHEN I THINK ABOUT THIS, IT REMINDS ME ABOUT THE STORY OF MY YOUNG FRIEND SAIRAJ.

                 SUMMARY

                 * WE SHOULD UNDERSTAND OURSELVES TO KNOW WHAT IS MEANINGFUL TO US, AND WHAT WE WANT TO DEVOTE OUR TIME TO. THIS CAN BE DONE BY UNDERSTANDING OUR PURPOSE, WHICH TAKES DEDICATION AND PATIENCE. 

              

                * DISCOVERING OUR PURPOSE IS EXCITING, JUST AS OPENING A GIFT GIVES THE FEELING OF ANTICIPATION AND JOY. REACHING OUR PURPOSE IN LIFE IS A JOURNEY, NOT AN EVENT.

                * THE JAPANESE HAVE A MODEL  CALLED IKIGAI OR A "REASON TO LIVE", WHICH IS COMPOSED OF FOUR TRAITS WE NEED TO UNDERSTAND. WHAT DOES THE WORLD NEED? WHAT CAN WE BE PAID FOR? SAIRAJ AND HIS FAMILY DISCOVERED THAT FOR HIM EARLY ON HIS LIFE.

                * IF WE ARE OLDER AND HAVE NOT YET FIGURED OUT OUR PURPOSE, WE CAN FOLLOW THE PRINCIPLE, LOVE WHAT WE HAVE TO DO AND DO WHAT WE LOVE TO DO.

                        NOTE : TO HELP YOU FIND YOUR IKIGA, YOU CAN COMPLETE AN EXERCISE IN APPENDIX 2 (IKIGAI WORKSHEET).

                                                                 POINTS 

                 * GOOD CHARACTRE HAS THE ABILITY TO CHANGE LIVES. IT HAS TO DO WITH OUR ACTIONS, NOT OUR WORDS. THE STORY ABOUT THE RATHAYATRA IN MUMBAI IS A GREAT EXAMPLE OF THIS.

             

               * THE PRINCIPLES OF DEVELOPING CHARACTER ARE:

                         👀 VICHAAR : THE LIFE PHILOSOPHY WE FOLLOW. WE MUST LEARN                                            FROM IT.

                         👀 AACHAAR : THE GOOD CONDUCT THAT IS DISPLAYED TO THE                                           WORLD THROUGH THOSE ACTIONS. WE MUST PRACTICE IT.

                        👀 PRACHAAR : THE GOOD CONDUCT THAT IS DISPLAYED TO THE                                         WORLD THROUGH THOSE ACTIONS. WE MUST PRACTISE IT.

                  * WHAT GREAT MEN DO, COMMON MEN FOLLOW.

                                                                              👀👀👀

 

 

                        

THE JOURNEY BEGINS

   

                    

                           THE JOURNEY BEGINS WHEN YOU START HEAR

 

                   HAVING A FRIEND TO LISTEN TO YOUR PROBLEMS AND DISCUSS THEM

                   WITH YOU IN THE BEGINNING OF FINDING A SOLUTION.

      

        THE JOURNEY OF A THOUSAND MILES BEGINS WITH ONE STEP

                                                                                                                ---- LAO TZU

                  WHAT DO WE DO WHEN PEOPLE WE ARE CLOSE TO ARE SHARING THEIR WORRIES WITH US? I WANTED TO SAY SO MUCH AS HARRY SPOKE OF HIS INNER TURMOIL, BUT THEN I REMEMBERED MY TRAINING AS A MONK, OUR SILENT PRESENCE CAN BE MORE POWERFUL THAN A MILLION EMPTY WORDS. WE ALL HAVE TWO EARS AND ONE MOUTH, THE AMOUNT WE LISTEN AND THE AMOUNT WE SPEAK SHOULD BE DONE PROPORTIONATELY. RARELY DO PEOPLE WANT AN ACTIVE SOLUTION TO THEIR PROBLEMS BEFORE THEY HAVE BEEN THROUGHLY HEARD AND UNDERSTOOD.

                 I REMEMBERED THE EARLY DAYS WHEN PEOPLE USED TO COME AND CONFIDE IN ME. I WAS A YOUNG, EAGER, FRESH-FACED MONK THEN, KEEN TO SAVE THE WORLD WITH MY NEWFOUND SENSE OF PURPOSE. IN MY IMMATURITY, I WOULD POUNCE ON THE SOLUTION AS SOON AS IT CAME TO ME, NOT UNDERSTANDING THAT PEOPLE DON'T CARE WHAT YOU KNOW UNLESS THEY KNOW YOU CARE. INFACT, THE ANSWER TO ALL PROBLEMS RELATED TO THE HUMAN CONDITION SELDOM EXCLUDES A CONSCIOUS, COMPASSIONATE EAR. THE ATTITUDE OF LISTENING ATTENTIVELY IS EQUALLY TO THE SOLUTIONS WE MAY PRESENT. I WAS NOT GOING TO MAKE THAT MISTAKE THIS TIME WITH HARRY.

                I WAS GLAD THAT THE TRAFFIC WAS CLEARING UP, AND SO WERE MY THOUGHTS. A FEW MOMENTS OF SILENCE PASSED BEFORE I SPOKE, HARRY, I AM SO SORRY YOU'RE GOING THROUGH THIS. THANK YOU FOR TRUSTING ME AND SHARING THIS. EVEN WHEN YOU JUST SPEAK TO SOMEONE ABOUT YOUR PROBLEMS, DO YOU NOT FEEL LIGHTER? DO YOU NOT FEEL LIGHTER? DO YOU NOT FEEL HOPE THAT THINGS WILL GET BETTER?.

 

                  HARRY LOOKED AT ME, UNCONVINCED,  I WANT TO GET OUT OF THIS MESS. BUT I DON'T SEE A WAY OUT WITHOUT RUINING MY LIFE COMPLETELY. I 'M NEARLY FORTY YEARS OLD, IT'S TOO LATE TO MAKE ANY DRAMATIC CHANGES. WHAT SHOULD I DO?

                WHAT SHOULD I DO ARE THE FOUR WORDS ANY LIFE COACK HATES, I THOUGHT. THIS IS BECAUSE ANY DIRECT ADVICE GIVEN BY THEM TURNS INTO A "MAGIC SPELL " THAT IF FOLLOWED WILL PROVIDE GUARANTEED RESULTS. BECAUSE GAUR GOPAL DAS SAID SO. BUT THAT IS NOT THE CASE. FOLLOWING BLINDLY LIKE SHEEP CAN LEAD US ASTRAY. MAKING CHOICES IN LIFE IS LIKE BUYING SOMETHING AT A SHOPPING MALL. THE SALES ASSITANT MAY SHOWS US ALL THE PRODUCTS AVAILABLE, TELLING US THE PROS AND CONES OF EACH OF THEM, BUT WE MUST MAKE THE CHOICE IN THE END. THE FINAL DECISION IS OUR RESPONSIBILITY.

                I M NOT YOUR GURU, I AM, YOUR FRIEND, " I ASSERTED, WE MUST MAKE OUR OWN DECISIONS, AND I CAN ONLY HELP YOU WITHIN MY CAPACITY. I DO NOT KNOW IT ALL, NOR  DO I CLAIM TO, BUT FROM MY EXPERIENCE OF BEINGA FRIEND TO THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE AROUND THE WORLD, YOU ARE NOT ALONE. MANY PEOPLE ARE GOING THOUGH SIMILAR STRUGGLES AS YOU. HARRY SIGHED AGAIN, BUT IT SEEMED LIKE A SIGH OF RELIEF, AS WE CREPT THROUGH THE MUMBAI TRAFFIC.

               DO YOU SEE HOW MANY PEOPLE ARE STUCK IN THIS TRAFFIC JAM? I ASKED. THEY ARE ALL KIKE US. THEY MAY BE IN DIFFERENT CARS, BUT THEY ARE ALL STUCK. LOOK AROUND YOU, ONE ELDERLY GENTLEMAN THERE IS DRIVING A CAB WITH BRITISH TOURISTS IN THE BACK SEAT, THAT CAB DRIVER OVER THERE JAMMING TO OLD BOLLYWOOD CLASSICS ON THE RADIO AND EVEN THAT ROLLS-ROYCE IN THE DISTANCE. HARRY WINCED AT THE SIGHT OF A CAR BETTER THAN HIS. WE ALL HAVE THREE THINGS IN COMMON. WE ARE ALL STUCK, WE ALL HAVE A JOURNEY TO COMPLETE, AND WE ALL HAVE DESTINATION. NOW IMAGINE THE TRAFFIC JAM ALL CLEARED UP. WE WOULD ALL BE FREE TO COMPLETE OUR JOURNEYS IN PEACE AND REACH THE DESTINATION THAT WE CHOOSE'. 

                         WHAT'S THAT GOT TO DO WITH MY SITUATION THOUGH?

                                                              HARRY  RETORTED.

               THERE IS A TRAFFIC JAM WITHOUT OUR MINDS, HARRY. AND THAT TRAFFIC JAM IS STOPPING EACH ONE OF US FROM REACHING OUR TRUE POTENTIAL. IMAGINE IF WE KNEW HOW TO CLEAR THIS DISCRUPTION. NO FUMES OF INSECURITY CAUSING US TO COUGH, NO ONE HONKING AT US, DISTRACTING US FROM WHAT'S  IMPORTANT AND PLENTY OF FUEL TO SUSTAIN US SO THAT WE CAN LIVE A LIFE WORTH LIVING.

                      

                       THERE WERE NO TEARS IN HARRY'S EYES. I COULD ONLY

                                                            DETECT INTEREST.

              THE PROCESS TO CLEAR THE TRAFFIC WITHIN MIND STARTED TWENTY-TWO YEARS AGO. I REGRET THE PAIN I CAUSED MY PARENTS, BUT AT THAT TIME I RAN AWAY FROM HOME TO BECOME A MONK. IT WAS THEN THAT I LEARNT ABOUT THE WHEELS OF LIFE. ALL OF THESE CARS AROUND YOU HAVE FOUR WHEELS EQUALLY WEIGHING DOWN ON THE AXLE. THE LOSS OF AIR IN ANY ONE OF THESE WHEELS DOWN ON THE AXLE. THE LOSS OF AIR IN ANY ONE OF THESE WHEELS CAN SLOW YOU DOWN IN REACHING YOUR DESTINATION, THE LOSS OF ONE CAN BE FATAL. THEREFORE, ITS IMPERATIVE THAT YOUR WHEELS ARE REGULARLY CHECKED AND MAINTAINED. SIMILARLY, THERE ARE FOUR PRINCIPLES THAT FORM THE FOUNDATION OF  HAPPY LIFE. THEY AREN'T BASED ON ANY LABEL WE PLACE ON OURSELVES AND APPLY TO ALL, WHETHER WE'RE MONKS OR MARRIED, YOUNG OR OLD, RICH OR POOR, ATHEIST OR RELIGIOUS. THEY ARE NOT DEPENDENT ON NATIONALITY, RACE, GENDER OR PROFESSION EITHER.

               HARRY LOOKED ME STRAIGHT IN THE YES AS THE CAR HALTED AGAIN IN TRAFFIC. I'M READY TO LEARN THEM. IN FACT, I'YE BEEN READY SINCE I WAS EIGHTEEN.

                BEHIND THE SMILES, EVERYONE IS GOING THROUGH PERSONAL

                STRUGGLES WE KNOW NOTHING ABOUT.

                 

            AS I HAVE SAID, THE FIRST THING IS TO BE HONEST WITH YOURSELF. YOU CAN NEVER HAVE AN IMPACT ON SOCIETY IF YOU HAVE HAVE NOT CHANGED YOURSELF.. GREAT PEACEMAKERS ARE ALL PEOPLE OF INTEGRITY, OF HONESTY, BUT HUMILITY.

                                                                                                             --- NELSON MANDELA

                    SUMMARY

            * FORGIVENESS IS A DEEP AND OFTEN OBSCURE VALUE TO UNDERSTAND.

         

           * THE PRINCIPLES WE SHOULD KNOW ABOUT FORGIVENESS ARE 

                      1. LOOK BEYOND THE SITUATION: IF WE ARE HUNT BY SOMEONE'S WORDS, TRY TO UNDERSTAND WHY THEY SPOKE THEM. WHEN PEOPLE ACT HARSHLY TOWARDS US, MOST OF THE TIME THEY ARE SUFFERING TOO. THIS IS EMPATHY.

                    2. SEPERATE THE EPISODE FROM THE PERSON. RATHER THAN BEING AFFECTED BY THE EMOTION OF GUILT BY SAYING, I AM WRONG, OR ANGER BY SAYING, YOU ARE WRONG, WE SHOULD SEPARATE THE I OR THE YOU AND DEAL WITH THE WRONG.

                    3. HIGHER PURPOSE: CAN WE FORGIVE BASED ON A HIGHR PRINCIPLE? FOR EXAMPLE, IN MY STORY, THE HUSBAND FORGAVE THE WIFE BECAUSE HE LOVED HER,AND THEY HAD A DUTY TO THEIR COMMUNITY AND SON. IF CHOSEN, THIS APPROACH TAKES SUPPORT AND TIME AND THEY HAD A DUTY TO THEIR COMMUNITY AND SON.

                  4. JUTICE : ON A PERSONAL LEVEL, WE CAN FORGIVE THE PERSON WHO MAY HAVE WRONGED US, BUT ON A SOCIETAL LEVEL, THERE SHOULD BE STRICT JUSTICE TO CREATE AN ORDERLY SOCIETY. NO ONE SHOULD BE ABLE TO BREAK THE LAW AND GET AWAY WITH IN THE NAME OF FORGIVENESS.

                      NOTE : TO HELP YOU REFLECT ON FORGIVING SOMEONE IN YOUR OWN LIFE, PLEASE COMPLETE THE EXERCISE IN APPENDIX 1 (FORGIVENESS WORKSHEET).

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