LEADERSHIP

 

                     SEVEN PRINCIPLES OF LEADERSHIP

                        TO BE AN EFFECTIVE LEADER, THERE ARE SEVEN PRINCIPLES YOU MUST INCORPORATE INTO YOUR LEADERSHIP BEHAVIOR AND ACTIVITIES.

                        1. CLARITY : THIS IS PERHAPS YOUR MOST IMPORTANT  RESPONSIBILITY. YOU MUST BE ABSOLUTELY CLEAR ABOUT WHO YOU ARE AND WHAT YOU STAND FOR. YOU MUST BE ABSOLUTELY CLEAR ABOUT VISION AND WHERE YOU WANT TO LEAD YOUR PEOPLE. YOU MUST BE ABSOLUTELY CLEAR ABOUT THE GOALS AND OBJECTIVES OF THE ORGANIZATION AND HOW THEY ARE TO BE OBTAINED. 

                         ESPECIALLY, YOU MUST BE ABSOLUTELY CLEAR ABOUT THE VALUES, MISSION, AND PURPOSE OF THE ORGANIZATION AND WHAT IT STANDS FOR, EVERYONE AROUND YOU AND BELOW YOU MUST KNOW EXACTLY WHY THEY ARE DOING WHAT THEY DO AND WHAT THEIR COMPANY HAS BEEN FORMED TO ACCOMPLISH.

                     2. COMPETENCE : AS THE LEADER, YOU MSUT SET A STANDARD OF EXCELLENT PERFORMANCE, FOR THE ORGANIZATION AS WELL AS FOR EVERY PERSON AND FUNCTION IN THE COMPANY. YOUR GOAL MUST BE FOR YOUR COMPANY TO BE AS GOOD AS, OR BETTER THAN, YOUR VERY BEST COMPETITOR. YOU MUST BE CONTINUALLY SEEKING WAYS TO IMPROVE THE QUALITY OF YOUR PRODUCTS AND SERVICES TO YOUR CUSTOMERS.

                      3. COMMITMENT : THE LEADER IS ABSOLUTELY COMMITTED TO THE SUCCESS OF THE ORGANIZATION AND BELIEVS COMPLETELY THAT THIS ORGANIZATION IS THE BEST IN THE BUSINESS OR WILL BE THE BEST IN THE FUTURE. THIS PASSIONATE COMMITMENT TO THE ORGANIZATION - AND TO SUCCESS AND ACHIEVEMENT - MOTIVATES AND INSPIRES PEOPLE TO DO THEIR BEST WORK AND PUT THEIR WHOLE HEARTS INTO THEIR JOBS. 

                     4. CONSTRAINTS : THE JOB OF THE LEADER IS TO IDENTIFY THE CONSTRAINST OR LIMITING FACTORS THAT SET THE SPEED AT WHICH THE COMPANY ACHIEVES ITS MOST IMPORTANT GOALS OF REVENUE AND PROFITABILITY. THE LEADER THEN ALLOCATES PEOPLE AND RESOURCES TO ALLEVIATE THOSE CONSTRAINTS AND REMOVE THE OBSTACLES SO IT CAN PERFORM AS ONE OF THE BEST IN THE INDUSTRY.

                      5. CREATIVITY : THE LEADER IS OPEN TO NEW IDEAS OF ALL KINDS AND FROM ALL SOURCES. THE LEADER IS CONTINUALLY ENCOURAGING PEOPLE TO FIND FASTER, BETTER, CHEAPER, AND EASIER WAYS TO PRODUCE EXCELLENT PRODUCTS AND SERVICES AND TO TAKE BETTER CARE OF CUSTOMERS.

                      6. CONTINUOUS LEARNING : THE LEADER IS PERSONALLY COMMITTED TO READING, LISTENING, AND UPGRADING HIS OR HER PERSONAL KNOWLEDGE AND SKILLS AS AN EXECUTIVE. THE LEADER SHOULD ATTEND ADDITIONAL SEMINARS AND COURSES TO IMPROVE HIS OR HER SKILLS AND ABILITIES.

                       AT THE SAME TIME, THE LEADER ENCOURAGES EVERYONE IN THE ORGANIZATION TO LEARN AND GROW AS A NORMAL AND NATURAL PART OF BUSINESS LIFE. THE LEADER PROVIDES TIME AND RESOURCES FOR TRAINING AND DEVELOPMENT. THE LEADER KNOWS THAT THE BEST COMPANIES HAVE THE BEST-TRAINED PEOPLE. THE SECOND-BEST COMPANIES HAVE THE SECOND-BEST TRAINED PEOPLE. AND THE THIRD-TRAINED PEOPLE - AND ARE ON THEIR WAY OUT OF BUSINESS.

                       7. CONSISTENCY : THE LEADERHAS THE SELF-DISCIPLINE TO BE CONSISTENT, DEPENDABLE, RELIABLE, CALM, AND PREDICTABLE IN ALL SITUATIONS. ONE OF THE GREAT COMFORTS OF BUSINESS LIFE IS FOR AN EMPLOYEE TO KNOW THAT THE LEADER IS COMPLETELY CONSISTENT AND RELIABLE. AN EFFECTIVE LEADER DOES NOT CHANGE FROM DAY TO DAY. THE LEADER IS NOT "BLOWN IN THE WIND" BY EACH NEW SITUATION, PROBLEM, OR EMERGENCY THAT ARISES. INSTEAD, THE LEADER IS CALM, POSITIVE, AND CONFIDENT - ESPECIALLY UNDER PRESSURE..

                                     A LEADER IS A STANDARD BEARER

                            THE LEADER SETS THE  STANDARD FOR THE ORGANIZATION. IT IS NOT POSSIBLE FOR ANYONE IN THE ORGANIZATION TO HAVE A CLEARER VISION OR TO ASPIRE TO A HIGHER STANDARD OF EXCELLENCE THAN THE LEADER. FOR THIS REASON, THE LEADER IS THE ROLE MODEL, THE ONE WHO SET THE TONE AND THE MORALE FOR EVERYONE IN THE ORGANIZATION. THE PERSONALITY AND INFLUENCE OF THE LEADER AFFECT EVERYONE BELOW HIM IN THE COMPANY, ORGANIZATION, OR DEPARTEMENT.

                           YOU CANNOT RAISE MORALE IN A BUSINESS, IT FILTERS DOWN FROM THE TOP, FROM THE LEADER. THE BEHAVIOR OF THE LEADER INFLUENCES AND AFFECTS THE BEHAVIOR OF EVERYONE ELSE. IF THE LEADER IS POSITIVE, CONFIDENT, AND UPBEAT, EVERYONE IN THE ORGANIZATION WILL BE INFLUENCED BY THIS BEHAVIOR AND WILL BE MORE POSITIVE, CONFIDENT, AND UPBEAT AS WELL.

                                                    WALK THE TALK

                          WHEN YOU BECOME A LEADER, YOU MUST DISCIPLINE YOURSELF TO BE "LEADERLIKE". YOU MUST WALK, TALK, AND ACT THE PART OF A LEADER. YOU BECOME A DIFFERENT PERSON WITH DIFFERENT RESPONSIBILITIES.

                           WHEN YOU ARE WORKING YOUR WAY UP, YOU ARE PART OF THE STAFF OR THE SALES TEAM. WHEN YOU BECOME A MANAGER, YOU ARE PART OF MANAGEMENT. THIS MEANS THAT WHEN YOU ARE PART OF THE STAFF, YOUR ORIENTATION IS UPWARD AND SIDEWAYS, BUT WHEN YOU BECOME A LEADER, YOUR ORIENTATION IS DOWNWARD, TOWARD ALL THE PEOPLE FOR WHOM YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE.

                         PERHAPS THE MOST IMPORTANT BEHAVIOR OF A LEADER IS FOR YOU TO DISCIPLINE YOURSELF TO BE A ROLE MODEL. IMAGINE THAT EVERYONE IS WATCHING YOU AND PATTERNING EVERYTHING THEY DO AND SAY BASED ON YOUR BEHAVIOR.

                       WHEN YOU BECOME A LEADER YOU NO LONGER HAVE THE LUXURY TO "LET  IT ALL HANG OUT". FROM THE TIME YOU ARE PROMOTED INTO LEADERSHIP, YOU HAVE A SPECIAL RESPONSIBILITY TO DISCIPLINE AND CONTROL YOUR WORDS AND BEHAVIORS IN SUCH A WAY SO THAT YOU BRING ABOUT THE POSSIBLE RESULTS FOR YOUR ORGANIZATION AND FOR OTHER PEOPLE.

                                                      SET THE STANDARDS

                       THE LEADER SETS THE STANDARDS FOR THE ORGANIZATION'S BEHAVIOR QUALITY OF WORK, PERSONAL ORGANIZATION, TIME MANAGEMENT, AND APPEARANCE. IN EXCELLENT ORGANIZATIONS, THE LEADER IS THE PERSON WHO EVERYONE LOOKS UP TO AND WANTS TO EMULATE.

                       IN MOST CASES, THE LEADER WORKS HARDER THAN OTHERS IN THE COMPANY. THE LEADER APPEARS TO BE MORE COMMITTED, DETERMINED, COURAGES, VISIONARY, AND PERSISTANT THAN ANYONE ELSE. THE LEADER SET S  TONE THAT EVERYONE WANTS TO EMULATE.

                   THE LEADER ALSO SETS THE STANDARD  FOR HOW PEOPLE ARE TREATED IN THE ORGANIZATION. WHEN THE LEADER TREATS PEOPLE WITH COURTESY, CONSIDERATION, AND CONCERN, IT QUICKLY BECOMES KNOWN THAT THESE ARE THE STANDARDS TO WHICH OTHERS MUST ADHERE.

                                           SET VALUES AND PRINCIPLES

                IN ADDITION TO A CLEAR VISION FOR THE ORGANIZATION, THE LEADER MUST HAVE A SET OF VALUES AND ORGANIZING PRINCIPLES THAT GUIDE BEHAVIOR  AND DECISION MAKING. EVERYONE MUST KNOW WHAT THE LEADER AND THE COMPANY STAND FOR AND BELIEVE IN. THE JOB OF THE LEADER, THEN , IS TO ARTICULATE THIS VISION OF EXCELLENT PERFORMANCE WITHIN THE CONSTANTS OF HIGH ETHICAL STANDARDS AT ALL TIMES. HE OR SHE MUST WALK THE TALK AND LIVE THE VALUES AND BEHAVIOR HE OR SHE TEACHES.

                      THE VERY BEST STANDARD FOR A LEADER IS THE GOLDEN RULE. "DO UNTO OTHERS AS YOU WOULD HAVE THEM DO UNTO YOU".

                      FOR EXAMPLE, WHEN JACK WELCH WAS THE PRESIDENT OF GENERAL ELECTRIC, HE ENCOURAGED MANAGERS TO TREAT EACH EMPOYEE AS IF THAT EMPLOYEE MIGHT BE PROMOTED OVER HIS HEAD SOMETIME IN THE FUTURE AND HE MIGHT FIND HIMSELF WORKING UNDER THE PERSON WHO IS NOW WORKING BELOW HIM. THIS WAY OF THINKING ENSURED THAT MANAGERS TREATED THEIR STAFF WITH A HIGH DEGREE OF RESPECT AND COURTESY.

SET GOAL TO YOUR LIFE

 

                  

                            TAKE CONTROL OF YOUR LIFE

                          ARISTOTLE WROTE THAT HUMAN BEINGS ARE TELEOLOGICAL ORGANISMS, WHICH SIMPLY MEANS THAT WE ARE PURPOSE DRIVEN. THEREFORE, YOU FEEL HAPPY AND IN CONTROL OF YOUR LIFE ONLY WHEN YOU HAVE A CLEAR GOAL THAT YOU ARE WORKING TOWARD EACH DAY. THIS ALSO MEANS THAT THIS ABILITY TO BECOME A LIFELONG GOAL SETTER IS ONE OF THE MOST IMPORTANT DISCIPLINES YOU WILL EVER DEVELOP.

                    IN  NATURE, THE HOMING PIGEON IS A REMARKABLE BIRD. IT HAS AN UNCANNY INSTINCT THAT ENABLES IT TO FLY BACK TO  ITS HOME ROOST, NO MATTER HOW FAR AWAY IT STARTS OR IN WHAT DIRECTION IT MUST GO. YOU CAN TAKE A HOMING PIGEON OUT OF ITS ROOTS, PUT IT IN A CAGE, PUT THE CAGE IN A BOX, COVER THE BOX WITH A BLANKET, AND PUT THE COVERED BOX IN THE BACK OF A PICKUP TRUCK. YOU COULD THEN DRIVE 1000 MILES IN ANY DIRECTION, OPEN UP THE TRUCK, TAKE OUT THE BOX, TAKE OFF THE BLANKET, OPEN THE CAGE, AND THROW THE HOMING PIGEON INTO THE AIR.

                THE HOMING PIGEON WILL CIRCLE THREE TIMES, GET ITS BEARINGS, AND THEN FLY STRAIGHT BACK TO ITS HOME ROOST. THIS IS THE ONLY CREATURES ON EARTH THAT HAS THIS ABILITY - EXCEPT FOR HUMAN BEINGS, EXCEPT FOR YOU.

                 YOU ALSO HAVE THIS REMARKABLE HOMING ABILITY WITHIN YOUR OWN BRAIN, BUT WITH ONE SPECIAL DIFFERENCE . THE HOMING PIGEON SEEMS TO KNOW INSTINCTIVELY EXACTLY WHERE ITS HOME ROOST IS LOCATED. IT THEN HAS THE ABILITY TO FLY DIRECTLY BACK TO THAT ROOST. IN CONTRAST, WHEN HUMAN BEINGS PROGRAM A GOAL INTO THEIR MINDS THEY CAN THEN SET OUT WITHOUT HAVING ANY IDEA WHERE THEY WILL GO OR HOW THEY WILL ACHIEVE THAT GOAL. BUT BY SOME MIRACLE, THEY WILL BEGIN TO MOVE UNERRINGLY TOWARD THAT GOAL, AND THE GOAL WILL BEGIN TO MOVE TOWARD THEM.

                 STILL, MANY PEOPLED ARE HESITANT TO SET GOALS. THEY SAY, " I WANT TO BE FINANCIALLY INDEPENDENT, BUT I HAVE NO IDEA HOW I'M GOINT TO GET THERE". AS A RESULT, THEY DON'T EVEN SET FINANCIAL SUCCESS AS A GOAL. BUT THE GOOD NEWS IS THAT YOU DON'T EVEN SET FINANCIAL SUCCESS AS A GOAL. BUT THE GOOD NEWS IS THAT YOU DON'T NEED TO KNOW HOW TO GET THERE. YOU JUST, NEED TO BE CLEAR ABOUT WHAT YOU WANT TO ACCOMPLISH, AND THE GOAL-STIVING MECHANISM IN YOUR BRAIN WILL GUIDE YOU UNERRINGLY TO YOUR DESTINATION.

                FOR EXAMPLE, YOU CAN DECIDE THAT YOU ARE GOING TO FIND YOUR IDEAL JOB, IN WHICH YOU WORK FOR AND WITH PEOPLE YOU LIKE AND RESPECT AND DO WORK THAT IS BOTH CHALLENGING AND ENJOYABLE. YOU TAKE SOME TIME TO WRITE DOWN AN EXACT DESCRIPTION OF WHAT YOUR IDEAL JOB AND WORKPLACE WOULD LOOK LIKE, AND THEN YOU GO OUT INTO THE JOB MARKET AND BEGIN SEARCHING.

               AFTER A SERIES OF INTERVIEWS, YOU WILL OFTEN WALK INTO THE RIGHT PLACE AT THE RIGHT TIME AND FIND YOURSELF IN EXACTLY THE RIGHT THE RIGHT JOB. ALMOST EVERYONE HAS HAD THIS EXPERIENCE AT ONE TIME OR ANOTHER. YOU CAN HAVE IT BY DESIGN RATHER THAN BY CHANCE SIMPLY BY DEVELOPING ABSOLUTE CLARITY ABOUT WHAT YOU REALLY WANT.

                                              THE TEN-GOAL EXERCISE

                      THIS IS ONE OF THE MOST POWERFUL GOAL-ACHIEVING METHODS I HAVE EVER DISCOVERED. I TEACH IT ALL OVER THE WORLD, AND I PRACTICE IT MYSELF ALMOST EVERY DAY.

                    TAKE OUT A CLEAN SHEET OF PAPER. AT THE TOP OF THE PAGE WRITE THE WORD "GOALS" AND TODAY'S DATE. THEN, DISCIPLINE YOURSELF TO WRITE DOWN TEN GOALS THAT YOU'D LIKE TO ACCOMPLISH IN THE NEXT TWELVE MONTHS. WRITE DOWN FINACIAL FAMILY GOALS, AND FITNESS GOALS, AS WELL AS GOALS FOR PERONAL POSSESSIONS, LIKE A HOUSE OR A CAR.

                  DONT' WORRY FOR THE MOMENT ABOUT HOW YOU ARE GOING TO ACHIEVE THESE GOALS. JUST WRITE THEM DOWN AS QUICKLY AS YOU CAN. YOU CAN WRITE AS MANY AS FIFTEEN GOALS IF YOU LIKE, BUT THIS EXERCISE, REQUIRES THAT YOU WRITE DOWN A MINIMUM OF TEN WITHIN THREE TO FIVE MINUTES.

                                                        SELECT ONE GOAL

                    ONCE YOU HAVE WRITTEN OUT YOUR TEN GOALS, IMAGINE FOR THE MOMENT THAT YOU CAN ACHIEVE ALL OF THE GOALS ON YOUR LIST IF YOU WANT THEM LONG ENOUGH AND HARD ENOUGH. ALSO IMAGINE THAT YOU HAVE A "MAGIC WAND" THAT YOU CAN WAVE THAT WILL ENABLE TO ACHIEVE ANY ONE GOAL ON YOUR LIST WITHIN TWENTY-FOUR HOURS.

                   IF YOU COULD ACHIEVE ANY ONE GOAL ON YOUR LIST WITHIN TWENTY-FOUR HOURS, WHICH ONE WOURL HAVE THE GREATEST POSITIVE IMPACT ON YOUR LIFE RIGHT NOW? WHICH ONE GOAL WOULD CHANGE OR IMPROVE YOUR LIFE MORE THAN ANYTHING ELSE? WHICH ONE GOAL, IF YOU WERE TO ACHIEVE IT, WOULD HELP YOU TO ACHIEVE MORE OF YOUR OTHER GOALS THAN ANYTHING ELSE?

                WHATEVER YOUR ANSWER TO THIS QUESTION, PUT A CIRCLE AROUND THIS GOAL  AND THEN WRITE IT AT THE TOP OF A CLEAN SHEET OF PAPER. THIS GOAL THEN BECOMES YOUR "MAJOR DEFINITE PURPOSE". 

                         ACTION EXERCISE  :

                          1. RESOLVE TODAY TO "SWITCH ON" YOUR SUCCESS MECHANISM AND UNLOCK YOUR GOAL-ACHIEVING MECHANISM BY DECIDING EXACTLY WHAT YOU REALLY WANT IN LIFE.

                         2. MAKE A LIST OF TEN GOALS THAT YOU WAT TO ACHIEVE IN THE FORESEEABLE FUTURE. WRITE THEM DOWN IN THE PRESENT TENSE, AS IF YOU HAVE ALREADY ACHIEVED THEM.

                        3. SELECT THE ONE GOAL THAT COULD HAVE THE GREATEST POSITIVE IMPACT ON YOUR LIFE IF YOU WERE TO ACHIEVE IT, AND WRITE IT DOWN AT THE TOP OF ANOTHER PIECE OF PAPER.

                        4. MAKE A LIST OF EVERYTHING YOU COULD DO TO ACHIEVE THIS GOAL, ORGANIZE IT BY SEQUENCE AND PRIORITY, AND THEN TAKE ACTION ON IT IMMEDIATELY.

                      5. PRACTICE MINDSTORMING BY WRITING OUT TWENTY IDEAS THAT COULD HELP YOU ACHIEVE YOUR MOST IMPORTANT GOAL, AND THEN TAKE ACTION ON AT LEAST ONE OF THOSE IDEAS.

                       6. RESOLVE TO DO SOMETHING EVERY DAY, SEVEN DAYS A WEEK, TO ACHIEVE YOUR MOST IMPORTANT GOAL UNTIL YOU ARE SUCCESSFUL.

                      7. CONTINUALLY REMIND YOURSELF THAT "FAILURE IS NOT AN OPTION". NO MATTER WHAT, RESOLVE TO PERSIST UNTIL YOU SUCCEED.

SELF-DISCIPLINE AND COURAGE

 

                                        YOUR COURAGE

                         YOU NEED LARGE AMOUNTS OF SELF-DISCIPLINE TO DEAL COURAGEOUSLY WITH ALL THE FEAR-INDUCING EVENTS OF YOUR LIFE. THIS IS PROBABLY WHY CHURCHILL SAID, "COURAGE IS RIGHTLY CONSIDERED THE FOREMOST OF THE VIRTUES, FOR UPON IT, ALL OTHERS DEPEND".

                           THE FACT IS THAT EVERYONE IS AFRAID - AND USUALLY OF MANY THINGS. THIS IS NORMAL AND NATURAL, OFTEN, FEAR IS NECESSARY TO PRESERVE LIFE, PREVENT INJURY, AND GUARD AGAINST FINANCIAL MISTAKES.

                        SO IF EVERYONE IS AFRAID, WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THE BRAVE PERSON AND THE COWARD? THE  ONLY DIFFERENCE IS THAT THE BRAVE PERSON DISCIPLINES HIMSELF TO CONFRONT, DEAL WITH, AND ACT IN SPITE OF THE FEAR. IN CONTRAST, THE COWARD ALLOWS HIMSELF TO BE DOMINATED AND CONTROLLED BY THE FEAR. SOMEONE ONCE SAID THAT - WITH REGARD TO WARFARE, ALTHOUGH IT APPLIES TO ANY SITUATION - "THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THE HERO AND THE COWARD IS THAT THE HERO STICKS IN THERE FIVE MINUTES LONGER".

                                             FEARS CAN BE UNLEARNED

                    FORTUNATELY, ALL FEARS ARE LEARNED, NO ONE IS BORN WITH FEARS. FEARS CAN THEREFORE BE UNLEARNED BY PRACTICING SELF-FEARS. REPETEDLY WITH REGARD TO FEAR UNTIL IT GOES AWAY.

                 THE MOST COMMON FEARS THAT WE EXPERIENCE, WHICH OFTEN SABOTAGE ALL HOPE FOR SUCCESS, ARE THE FEARS OF FAILURE, POVERTY, AND LOSS OF MONEY.  THESE FEARS CAUSE PEOPLE TO AVOID RISK OF ANY  KIND AND TO REJECT OPPORTUNITY WHEN IT IS PRESENTED TO THEM. THEY ARE SO AFRAID OF FAILURE THAT THEY ARE ALMOST PARALYZED WHEN IT COMES TO TAKING ANY CHANCES AT ALL.

                  THERE ARE MANY OTHER FEARS THAT INTERFERE WITH OUR HAPPINESS. PEOPLE FEAR THE LOSS OF LOVE OR THE LOSS OF THEIR JOBS AND THEIR FINANCIAL SECURITY. PEOPLE FEAR EMBARRASSMENT OR RIDICULE. PEOPLE FEAR REJECTION AND CRITICISM OF ANY KIND. PEOPLE FEAR THE LOSS OF RESPECT OR ESTEEM OF OTHERS. THESE AND MANY FEARS HOLD US BACK THROUGHOUT LIFE.

                                                   FEAR PARALYZES ACTION

                      THE MOST COMMON REACTION IN A FEAR SITUATION IS THE ATTITUDE OF, "I CAN'T!" THIS IS THE FEAR OF FAILURE AND LOSS THAT STOPS US FROM TAKING ACTION. IT IS EXPERIENCED PHYSICALLY, STARTING IN THE SOLAR PLEXUS. WHEN PEOPLE ARE REALLY AFRAID, THEIR MOUTH AND THROAT GO DRY, THEIR HEART STARTS POUNDING. SOMETIMES THEY BREATHE  SHALLOWLY AND THEIR STOMACH CHURNS. OFTEN THEY FEEL LIKE GETTING UP AND RUNNING TO THE BATHROOM.

                      THESE ARE ALL PHYSICAL MANIFESTATIONS OF THE INHIBITIVE NEGATIVE HABIT PATTERNS, WHICH WE ALL EXPERIENCE FROM TIME TO TIME. WHENEVER A PERSON IS IN THE GRIP OF FEAR, HE FEELS LIKE A DEER CAUGHT IN THE HEADLIGHTS OF A CAR. THIS FEAR PARALYZES ACTION. IT OFTEN SHUTS DOWN THE BRAIN AND CAUSES THE INDIVIDUAL TO REVERT TO THE FIGHT-OR-FLIGHT" REACTION. FEAR IS A TERRIBLE EMOTION THAT UNDERMINES OUR HAPPINESS AND CAN HOLD US BACK THROUGHOUT OUR HAPPINESS AND CAN HOLD US BACK THROUGHOUT OUR LIVES.

                                                       DO THE OPPORSITE

                    ARISTOTLE DESCRIBED COURAGE AS THE "GOLDEN MEAN" BETWEEN THE EXTREMES OF COWARDICE AND IMPETUOUSNESS. HE TAUGHT THAT "TO DEVELOPE A QUALITY THAT YOU LOOK, ACT AS IF YOU ALREADY HAD THAT QUALITY IN EVERY SITUATION WHERE IT IS CALLED FOR". IN MODERN TERMS, HOWEVER, WE SAY, "FAKE IT UNTIL YOU MAKE IT".

                     YOU CAN ACTUALLY CHANGE YOUR BEHAVIOR BY AFFIRMING, VISUALIZING, AND ACTING AS IF YOU ALREAD HAVE THE QUALITY YOU DESIRE. BY AFFIRMING, BY REPEATING THE WORDS, " I CAN DO IT"! EMPHATICALLY WHENEVER YOU FEEL AFRAID FOR ANY REASON, YOU CAN CANCEL THE FEELING OF "I CAN IT".

                 EVERY TIME YOU REPEAT THE WORDS " I CAN DO IT!" WITH CONVICTION, YOU OVERRIDE YOUR FEAR AND INCREASE YOUR CONFIDENCE. BY REPEATING THIS AFFIRMATION OVER AND OVER AGAIN, YOU CAN EVENTUALLY BUILD YOUR COURAGE AND CONFIDENCE TO THE POINT WHERE YOU ARE UNAFRAID.

                                       VISUALIZE YOURSELF AS UNAFRAID

                         BY VISUALIZING YOURSELF PERFORMING WITH CONFIDENCE AND COMPETENCE IN AN AREA WHERE YOU ARE FEARFUL, YOUR VISUAL IMAGE WILL EVENTUALLY BE ACCEPTED BY YOUR SUBCONSCIOUS MIND AS INSTRUCTIONS FOR YOUR PERFORMANCE. YOUR SELF-IMAGE, THE WAY YOU SEE YOURSELF IS EVENTUALLY ALTERED BY FEEDING YOUR MIND THESE POSITIVE MENTAL PICTURES OF YOURSELF PERFORMING AT YOUR BEST.

                    BY USING THE "ACT AS IF" METHOD, YOU WALK, TALK, AND CARRY YOURSELF EXACTLY AS YOU WOULD IF YOU WERE COMPLETELY UNAFRAID IN A PARTICULAR SITUATION. YOU STAND UP STRAIGHT, SMILE, MOVE QUICKLY AND CONFIDENTLY, AND IN EVERY RESPECT ACT AS IF YOU ALREADY HAD THE COURAGE THAT YOU DESIRE.

                   THE LAW OF REVERSIBILITY SAYS THAT "IF YOU FEEDL A CERTAIN WAY, YOU WILL ACT IN A MANNER CONSISTENT WITH THAT FEELING, EVEN IF YOU ACT IN A MANNER CONSISTET WITH THAT FEELING. BUT IF YOU ACT  IN A MANNER CONSISTENT WITH THAT FEELING, EVEN IF YOU DON'T FEEL IT, THE LAW OF REVERSIBILITY WILL CREATE THE FEELING THAT IS CONSISTENT WITH YOUR ACTIONS.

                  THIS IS ONE OF THE GREATEST BREAKTHROUGHS IN SUCCESS PSYCHOLOGY. YOU DEVELOP THE COURAGE YOU DESIRE BY DISCIPLINING YOURSELF REPEATEDLY TO DO THE THING YOU FEAR UNTIL THAT FEAR EVENTUALLY DISSAPPEARS - AND IT WILL.

CHILDREN GROWTH

 

                   YOUR GREATEST RESPONSIBILITY

                            WHEN YOU HAVE A CHILD, A HIGH LEVEL OF SELF-DISCIPLINE IS ESSENTIAL IN ORDER TO FULFILL YOUR COMMITMENT AND DELIVER ON YOUR RESPONSIBILITY. THE DAY YOUR FIRST CHILD IS BORN, YOU HAVE TAKEN ON A MINIMUM TWENTY-YEAR COMMITMENT TO DO EVERYTHING POSSIBLE TO RAISE YOUR CHILD AS A HAPPY, HEALTHY, AND SELF-CONFIDENT ADULT.

                         AT EVERY STAGE OF YOUR CHILD'S LIFE, YOUR WORDS, ACTIONS, NONACTIONS, AND BEHAVIORS ARE SHAPING AND INFLUENCING THAT CHILD AND DETERMINING HOW HE OR SHE WILL TURN OUT AS AN ADULT.

                        THE GREATEST NEED THAT A CHILD HAS IS FOR AN UNBROKEN FLOW OF UNCONDITIONAL LOVE AND ACCEPTANCE FROM HIS OR HER PARENTS. CHILDREN NEED LOVE ALMOST AS MUCH AS THEY NEED OXYGEN. THE AMOUNT OF LOVE THAT A CHILD RECEIVES, ESPECIALLY IN HIS OR HER FORMATIVE YEARS, IS THE CRITICAL DETERMINANT OF HOW HEALTHY AND HAPPY HE OR SHE BECOMES AS AN ADULT.

                                         HOW CHILDREN SPEEL "LOVE"

                   HOW DOES A CHILD SPELL "LOVE"? T-I-M-E . CHILDREN DETERMINE HOW VALUABLE AND IMPORTANT THEY ARE AND DEVELOP THEIR SELF-ESTEEM AND SELF-WORTH BY MEASURING THE AMOUNT OF TIME THAT THE MOST IMPORTANT PEOPLE IN THEIR LIVES SPEND WITH THEM WHEN THEY ARE YOUNG. THERE IS NO SUBSTITUTE FOR TIME, AND ONCE GONE, YOU CANNOT MAKE IT UP. PERHAPS THE GREATEST REGRET REPORTED BY PARENTS IS THAT "I DIDN'T SPEND ENOUGH TIME WITH MY CHILD WHEN HE OR SHE WAS YOUNG".

                    WHEN YOU BECOME A PARENT, YOU MUST DISCIPLINE YOURSELF AND ORGANIZE YOUR LIFE SO YOU CAN SPEND AMPLE TIME WITH YOUR CHILD THROUGHOUT HIS OR HER GROWING YEARS. YOU MUST DISCIPLINE YOURSELF TO CUT BACK, REDUCE, DOWNSIZE, AND ELIMINATE OTHER ACTIVITIES THAT PREVENT YOU FROM BEING AND  EXCELLENT PARENT.

                                             SETTING NEW PRIORITIES'

                          WHEN YOU GET MARRIED, YOUR LIFE GOES THROUGH A MAJOR SHIFT. YOUR LIFESTYLE CHANGES, AND MANY OF YOUR COMMON ACTIVITIES LOSE THEIR IMPORTANCE AND URGENCY.

                     WHEN YOUR FIRST CHILD IS BORN, YOUR LIFE SHIFTS AGAIN, IT OFTEN FEELS AS IF THE FIRST STAGE OF A ROCKET, AND YOU ARE NOW ON A DIFFERENT TRAJECTORY IN LIFE. INFACT, IT IS NOT UNCOMMON FOR COUPLES TO CHANGE THEIR LIVES COMPLETELY WHEN THEIR FIRST CHILD IS BORN. THEY CUT BACK OR DISCONTINUE MANY OF THEIR PREVIOUS SOCIAL ACTIVITIES. THEY STOP DINING AND DRINKING WITH FRIENDS, AND THEY STOP GOING OUT SOCIALLY ON THE WEEKENDS.

                    THEY BEGIN TO BUILD A DIFFERENT LIFE TOGETHER AROUND THEIR HOME AND CHILDREN. THE CHILDREN BECOME THE FOCUS OF THEIR TIME AND ATTENTION. THE CHILDREN BECOME THE PRIMARY SUBJECT OF THEIR CONVERSATIONS.

                  RESPONSIBLE PARENTS APPROACH  CHILDREARING AS THE MOST IMPORTANT PART OF THEIR LIVES. THEY PLAN AND ORGANIZE THEIR TIME AND ACTIVITIES SO THEY CAN FULLFILL THIS RESPONSIBILITY AT A HIGH LEVEL.

                       

                                                 LONG-TERM THINKING

                      CHILDREN FORCE YOU TO THINK LONG-TERM. WHEN YOU REALIZE THAT EVERYTHING THAT YOU DO OR FAIL DO WITH YOUR CHILDREN IN THEIR FORMATIVE YEARS WILL HAVE A LASTING IMPACT FOR GENERATIONS TO COME, YOU BECOME FAR MORE THOUGHTFUL AND SENSITIVE TO THE THINGS YOU SAY AND THE WAY YOU TREAT THEM. 

                        WHEN YOU ARE YOUNG AND SINGLE, YOU CAN "LET IT ALL HANG OUT". YOU CAN BLOW UP, GET ANGRY, EXPRESS YOUR FEELINGS FREELY, AND "BE YOUR OWN PERSON". BUT WHEN YOU HAVE A CHILD, YOU NEED TO IMPORSE A HIGHER LEVEL OF DISCIPLINE AND SELF-CONTROL ON YOURSELF.

                     CHILDREN ARE HYPERSENSITIVE TO THE INFLUENCE OF THEIR PARENTS DURING THEIR FORMATIVE YEARS. THEY SEE AND EXPERIENCE EACH WORD AND REACTION OF THERI PARENTS, AND THEY INCORPORATE THOSE WORDS AND ACTIONS INTO THEIR WORLD VIEW AND SELF-IMAGE.

                    IN ALMOST EVERY CASE, WHEN YOU SEE A DYSFUNTIONAL ADULT, YOU CAN TRACE IT BACK TO DYSFUNCTIONAL PARENTING. WHEN THAT DYSFUNCTIONAL ADULT WAS A CHILD, THEIR PARENTS DID OR SAID THINGS TO THEM THAT HURT THEM, CONFUSED THEM, SCARED THEM, AND CREATED WITHIN THEM FEELINGS OF INSECURITY, ANGER, AND INFERIORITY.

                                               THE GREATEST GIFT IS LOVE

                      THE GREATEST GIFT YOU CAN GIVE CHILDREN IS TO LET THEM KNOW THAT YOU LOVE THEM 100 PERCENT OF THE TIME AND THAT YOUR LOVE FOR THEM NEVER CHANGES, NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS.

                         THERE IS NO GREATER BLESSING FOR CHILDREN THAN TO KNOW WITH COMPLETE CONFIDENCE THAT THE MOST IMPORTANT PEOPLE IN THEIR LIFE - THEIR PARENTS - LOVE THEM COMPLETELY AND ACCEPT THEM TOTALLY, NO MATTER WHAT THEY DO OR WHAT MISTAKES THEY MAKE.

                        CHILDREN ARE NOT LITTLE ADULTS. THEY DO NOT HAVE THE ABILITY TO MAKE GOOD JUDGMENTS ABOUT THE RIGHT OR WRONG THINGS TO DO. IT TAKES THEM MANY YEARS OF TRIAL AND ERROR AND SOMETIMES BITTER EXPERIENCES TO DEVELOP THE WISDOM AND JUDGMENT THAT ENABLE THEM TO MAKE GOOD DECISIONS FOR THEMSELVES AND THEIR FUTURES.

                         THE KINDEST WAY TO TREAT YOUR CHILDREN WHEN THEY MAKE MISTAKES IS TO BEHAVE WITH CALMNESS AND COMPASSION AND TO HELP THEM LEARN THE LESSONS CONTAINED IN THE PROBLEM OR DIFFICULTY.

EXPLANATION OF MARRIAGE LIFE

 

                        

                                BE WILLING TO CHANGE

                  EVERY MARRIAGE IS A "WORK IN PROGRESS" . AS TIME PASSES, THE NATUREOF YOUR MARRIAGE WILL CHANGE, USUALLY IN POSSITIVE AND CONSTRUCTIVE WAYS.

                   TO KEEP YOUR RELATIONSHIP HAPPY, HARMONIOUS, AND GROWING, YOU MUST BE WILLING TO CHANGE IN RESPONSE TO CHANGING CIRCUMSTANCES, ESPECIALLY HAVING CHILDREN AND WATCHING THEM GROW UP. YOU NEED TO BE PREPARED TO CHANGE WITH AGE, NEW JOBS AND CAREERS, PHYSICAL MOVES FROM ONE PART OF THE COUNTRY TO ANOTHER, CHANGES IN FINANCIAL CIRCUMSTANCES, AND CHANGES IN HEALTH. FLEXIBILITY IS ABSOLUTELY ESSENTIAL TO A LONG, HAPPY MARRIAGE.

                 THERE ARE FOUR WAYS THAT YOU CAN CHANGE YOUR LIFE. FIRST, YOU CAN DO MORE OF SOME THINGS. SECOND, YOU CAN DO LESS OF OTHER THINGS. THIRD, YOU CAN START SOMETHING THAT YOU HAVE NEVER DONE BEFORE. AND FOURTH, YOU CAN STOP CERTAIN THINGS ALTOGETHER. WHENEVER YOU ARE EXPERIENCING RESISTANCE OR FRUSTRATION OR YOU ARE CONFRONTED WITH THE NEED FOR CHANGE, ASK YOURSELF, "IS THERE ANYTHING THAT I NEED TO DO MORE OF, LESS OF, START, OR STOP DOING"?

                                 THE FOUR QUESTIONS YOU SHOULD ASK

                    ON A REGULAR BASIS, YOU SHOULD SIT DOWN WITH YOUR SPOUSE AND LATER WITH YOUR CHILDREN TO HAVE THE COURAGE TO ASK THEM THESE FOUR QUESTION:

                    1. IS THERE ANYTHING THAT I AM DOING THAT YOU WOULD LIKE ME TO DO MORE OFF?

                    2. IS THERE ANYTHING THAT I AM DOING THAT YOU WOULD LIKE ME TO DO LESS OF?

                   3. IS THERE ANYTHING THAT YOU WOULD LIKE ME TO START DOING THAT I AM NOT DOING TODAY?

                  4. IS THERE ANYTHING THAT I AM DOING THAT YOU WOULD LIKE ME TO STOP DOING ALTOGETHER?

                   WHEN YOU HAVE THE COURAGE AND DISCIPLINE TO ASK THESE QUESTION OF YOUR SPOUSE AND YOUR CHILDREN ON A REGULAR BASIS, YOU WILL BE AMAZED AT THE QUALITY AND DEPTH OF THE ANSWERS YOU RECEIVE. YOU WILL GET CONTINUAL GUIDANCE ON HOW YOU CAN MODIFY AND ADJUST YOUR BEHAVIOR TO MAINTAIN HIGHER LEVELS OF HARMONY, HAPPINESS, AND LOVE WITH YOUR SPOUSE AND THE OTHER MEMBERS OF YOUR FAMILY.

                         YOUR SPOUSE SHOULD BE YOUR BEST FRIEND

                          LOVE AND MARRIAGE ARE PERHAPS THE MOST IMPORTANT ELEMENTS OF A HAPPY, FULFILLING LIFE. THEY REQUIRE A LIFELONG EXERCISE OF SELF-DISCIPLINE AND WILLPOWER TO CREATE AND MAINTAIN HARMONY. THEY REQUIRE THAT YOU BE OPEN, HONEST, AND CANDID AT ALL TIMES.

                   MOST OF ALL, A HAPPY, A LOVING MARRIAGE REQUIRES THAT YOU SEE YOUR SPOUSE AS YOUR BESTFRIEND. THERE SHOULD BE NO ONE IN THE WORLD WHO YOU WOULD RATHER SPEND TIME  WITH MORE THAN HIM OR HER. THERE SHOULD BE NO ONE WITH WHOM YOU ARE MORE OPEN AND HONEST THAN WITH HIM OR HER. WHEN YOU SEE YOUR SPOUSE AS YOUR BEST FRIEND AND TREAT HIM OR HER AS SUCH, YOU CAN CREATE A LOVING RELATIONSHIP THAT LASTS ALL THE DAYS OF YOUR LIVES.

                   AS EMMER FOX, A SPIRITUAL WRITER AND TEACHER, WROTE,

                    LOVE IS BY FAR THE MOST IMPORTANT THING OF ALL. IT CASTS OUT FEAR. IT IS THE FULFILLING OF THE LAW. IT COVERS A MULTITUDE OF SINS. LOVE IS ABSOLUTELY INVINCIBLE.

                    THERE IS NO DIFFICULTY THAT ENOUGH LOVE WILL NOT CURE, NO DISEASE THAT ENOUGH LOVE WILL NOT HEAL, NO DOOR THAT ENOUGH LOVE WILL NOT OPEN, NO GULF THAT ENOUGH LOVE WILL NOT BRIDGE, NO WALL THAT ENOUGH LOVE WILL NOT THROW DOWN, NO SIN THAT ENOUGH LOVE WILL NOT REDEEM.

                    IT MAKES NO DIFFERENCE HOW DEEPLY SEATED MAY BE THE TROUBLE, HOW HOPELESS THE OUTLOOK, HOW MUDDLED THE TANGLE, HOW GREAT THE MISTAKE, A SUFFICIENT REALIZATION OF LOVE WILL DISSOLVE IT ALL.

                     IF ONLY YOU COULD LOVE ENOUGH YOU WOULD BE THE HAPPIEST AND MOST POWERFUL BEING IN THE WORLD.

                      IN THE NEXT CHAPTER, YOU WILL LEARN SPECIFICALLY WHY SELF-DICIPLINE IS SO IMPORTANT WHEN RAISING HAPPY, HEALTHY, AND SELF-CONFIDENT CHILDREN.

                                                      ACTION EXERCISES :

                      1. WHAT IS THE MOST IMPORTANT SINGLE ACTION YOU COULD TAKE, RIGHT NOW, TO INCREASE THE LOVE AND HARMONY IN YOUR MARRIAGE OR RELATIONSHIP?

                     2. WHAT DISCIPLINES OR PRACTICES COULD YOU DEVELOP THAT WOULD IMPROVE THE QUALITY OF YOUR MARRIAGE FOR THE OTHER PERSON?

                    3. IDENTIFY ONE BEHAVIOR YOU COULD ENGAGE IN THAT WOULD IMPROVE YOUR COMMUNICATIONS IN YOUR MARRIAGE.

                    4. SIT DOWN WITH YOUR SPOUSE AND ASK HIM/HER FOR IDEAS FOR THINGS THAT YOU SHOULD DO MORE OF , LESS OF, START, OR STOP DOING.

                    5. IDENTIFY THE TWO QUALITIES THAT YOU MOST ADMIRE IN YOUR PARTNER.

                    6. IDENTIFY THE AREAS IN WHICH YOU AND YOUR PARTNER ARE THE MOST COMPATIBLE.

                   7. IDENTIFY THE MOST IMPORTANT VALUES THAT YOU AND YOUR PARTNER SHARE.

ABOUT MARRIAGE LIFE

 

                         THE KEY TO A HAPPY MARRIAGE

                   PERHAPS THE MOST IMPORTANT REASON FOR A HAPPY MARRIAGE IS COMPATIBILITY. THE TWO PEOPLE ARE IDEALLY BALANCED WITH EACH OTHERS, WITH EACH ONE POSSESSING COMLPLEMENTARY QUALITIES AND CHARACTERISTICS THAT COMBINE COMFORTABLY TO FORM A PERFECT BALANCE.

                  PEOPLE OFTEN SAY THAT "OPPOSITE ATTRACT". THIS IS A MISUNDERSTANDING. OPPOSITES ATTRACT IN ONLY ONE AREA, AND THAT IS TEMPERAMENT. YOU WILL ALWAYS BE MOST COMPATIBLE WITH A PERSON WHO HAS AN OPPOSITE OR COUNTERBALANCING TEMPERAMENT TO YOUR OWN.

                       FOR EXAMPLE, IF YOU ARE OUTGOING AND EXTROVERTED, YOU WILL BE MOST COMPATIBLE WITH A PERSON WHO IS MORE RESERVERD AND SELF-CONTAINED. IF YOU ARE VOLUBLE AND EXPRESSIVE, YOU WILL BE MOST COMPATIBLE WITH A PERSON WHO IS RELAXED AND GOOD LISTENER. NATURE DEMANDS A BALANCE IN TEMPERAMENT FOR TWO PEOPLE TO BE COMPATIBLE AND HAPPY TOGETHER.

                                                     BIRDS OF A FEATHER

                 IN ALL OTHER AREAS, ESPECIALLY IN THE AREA OF VALUES, IT IS SIMILARITIES THAT ATTRACT. BIRDS OF A FEATHER, DO FLOCK TOGETHER. YOU WILL ALWAYS BE ATTRACTED TO PEOPLE AND MOST COMPATIBLE WITH THOSE WHO HAVE THE GREATER NUMBER OF FUNDAMENTAL VALUES IN COMMON WITH YOURSELF.

                ALL OF LOVE, OF ANY KIND, IS A RESPONSE TO VALUE. WE LOVE WHAT WE MOST VALUE, REGARDING, THEY SEEM TO HAVE VERY MUCH THE SAME VALUES REGARDING FAMILY, MONEY, ETHICS, WORK, CHILDREN, POLITICS, RELIGION, AND PEOPLE.

             PEOPLE WILL OFTEN POINT OUT THAT THERE ARE HAPPY COUPLES WHO VOTE FOR DIFFERENT PARTIES OR COME FROM DIFFERENT RELIGIOUS BACKGROUNDS. BUT THE CRITICAL ISSUE IN BALANCE AND HARMONY REVOLVES AROUND THE UNTENSITY WITH WHICH A PERSON VALUES SOMETHING. THIS INTENSITY DETERMINES IF A PERSON VALUES SOMETHING. THIS INTENSITY DETERMINES IF A PERSON IS ABSOLUTE AND UNBENDING OR RELAXED AND FLEXIBLE IN HIS OR HER ADHERENCE TO A PARTICULAR BELIEF ABOUT A PARTICULAR PART OF LIFE.

               PEOPLE CAN LOVE AND LIVE TOGETHER HAPPILY FOR MANY YEARS EVEN THOUGH THEY SUPPORT DIFFERENT POLITICAL PARTIES, AS LONG AS POLITICAL BELIEF IS NOT SO IMPORTANT TO EITHER OF THEM THAT IT TAKES PRECEDENCE OVER MORE IMPORTANT ELEMENTS OF THEIR RELATIONSHIP SUCH AS CHILDREN, FAMILY, AND VALUES.

                                   LOVE IS OUR GREATEST NEED IN LIFE

                IT IS SAID THAT "EVERYTHING WE DO IN LIFE IS EITHER TO GET LOVE, OR TO COMPENSATE FOR A LACK OF LOVE". PSYCHOLOGISTS GENERALLY AGREE THAT THE ROOT CAUSE OF PERSONALITY PROBLEMS IN ADULT LIFE CAN BE TRACED BACK TO "LOVE WITHHELD" IN INFANCY AND CHILDHOOD.

                PEOPLE NEED LOVE LIKE ROSES NEED RAIN. WITHOUT SUFFICIENT LOVE AND ACCEPTANCE, INDIVIDUALS EXHIBIT ALL KINDS OF PERSONALITY AND PHYSICAL PROBLEMS. IT IS ONLY POSSIBLE TO BE HAPPY WHEN YOUR NEEDS FOR LOVE ARE COMPLETELY FULFILLED.

                 A HAPPY MARRIAGE REQUIRES TREMENDOUS SELF-DISCIPLINE AND SELF-CONTROL. LOVE REQUIRES SELF-DENIAL AND SACRIFICE. WHEN YOU ARE TRULY IN LOVE WITH ANOTHER PERSON, THAT PERSON'S HAPPINESA AND WELL-BEING BECOME MORE IMPORTANT THAT YOUR OWN. YOU ARE WILLING TO PAY WHATEVER PRICE AND MAKE WHATEVER SACRIFICE IN ORDER TO ENSURE THE WELL-BEING OF THE PERSON YOU LOVE.

                 IN THE CHRISTIAN BIBLE IN A LETTER TO THE CORINTHIANS,THE APOSTLE PAUL SAYS, "LOVE SUFFERETH LONG, AND IS KIND, LOVE ENVIETH NOT, LOVE AVENGETH NOT ITSELF, IS NOT PUFFED UP.

                " LOVE DOTH NOT BEHAVE ITSELF UNSEEMLY, SEEKETH NOT HIS OWN, IS NOT EASILY PROVOKED, THINKETH NO EVIL.

                   LOVE REJOICES NOT IN INIQUITY, BUT REJOICES IN THE TRUTH, 

                    LOVE BEARETH ALL THINGS, BELIEVETH ALL THINGS, HOPETH ALL THINGS, ENDURETH ALL THINGS. LOVE NEVER FAILS".

                                   DIFFERENT STROKES REQUIRE

                                          TOLERANCE AND UNDERSTANDING

                      EACH PERSON IS AN INDIVIDUAL, WITH UNIQUE AND SPECIAL CHARACTERISTICS THAT MAKE HIM OR HER DIFFERENT FROM ALL OTHER PEOPLE. EACH PERSON HAS DIFFERENT IDEAS, TASTES, DESIRES, HOPES, DREAMS, AND EXPECTATIONS. EACH PERSON HAS HAD DIFFERENT EXPERIENCES AND DEVELOPED DIFFERENT WAYS OF SEEING AND DEALING WITH THE WORLD AROUND HIM OR HER.

                    WHEN YOU COME TOGETHER WITH ANOTHER PERSON IN A LOVING RELATIONSHIP, NO MATTER HOW CLOSE YOU FEEL TO EACH OTHER AND NO MATTER HOW COMPATIBLE YOU MAY BE IN MANY WAYS, YOU WILL STILL HAVE AREAS OF DIAGREEMENT, DISSATISFACTION, AND DISCONTENT. THIS IS NORMAL AND NATURAL AND SOMETHING TO BE WORKED THROUGH BY PRACTICING SELF-DISCIPLINE WHENEVER THESE DIFFERENCES OCCUR.

                  SELF-DISCIPLINE IN A RELATIONSHIP REQUIRES THAT YOU BE COMPLETELY HONEST AND OPEN, THAT YOU BE YOURSELF AND NEVER TRY TO BE SOMEONE OR SOMETHING ELSE. SELF-DISCIPLINE AND HONESTY REQUIRE THAT YOU STATE CLEARLY WHAT YOU ARE THINKING AND FEELING, WITHOUT ANGER OR IRRITATION, AND THAT YOU LISTEN CALMLY AND PATIENTLY TO THE FEELINGS, THOUGHTS, AND OPINIONS OF THE OTHER PERSON.

PERSONAL HEALTH

 

        

                            SEVEN KEY HEALTH HABITS

                        THE ALAMEDA STUDY, COVERING MANY THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE FOR MORE THAN TWENTY YEARS, CONCLUDED THERE WERE SEVEN KEY HEALTH HABITS THAT CONTRIBUTED THE MOST TO LONG LIFE.

                   1. EAT REGULARLY RATHER THAN FASTING, STARVING, OR GORGING. EAR NORMAL, HEALTHY MEALS, PREFERABLY FIVE OR SIX TIMES PER DAY, WITH YOUR LAST MEAL FULLY THREE HOURS BEFORE YOU GO TO SLEEP. 

                   2. EAT LIGHTLY : OVEREATING MAKES YOU TIRED AND SLUGGISH, WHEREAS EATING LIGHTLY MAKES YOU FEEL HEALTHY AND ALERT. AS THOMAS JEFFERSON WROTE, "NO ONE EVER REGRETTED EATING TOO LITTLE AFTER A MEAL".

                  3. DON'T SNACK BETWEEN MEALS : WHEN YOU EAT, YOUR BODY HAS TO BREAK DOWN AND DIGEST THE FOODS IN YOUR STOMACH SO THAT THEY CAN MOVE INTO YOUR SMALL INTESTINE. THIS REQUIRES FOUR TO FIVE HOURS. IF YOU PUT FOOD IN ON TOP OF FOOD THAT YOU HAVE ALREADY EATEN, THE DIGESTIVE PROCESS MUST START OVER AGAIN, WITH PART OF YOUR FOOD THAT YOU HAVE ALREADY EATEN, THE DIGESTIVE PROCESS MUST START OVER AGAIN, WITH PART OF YOUR FOOD AT ONE STAGE OF DIGESTION AND ANOTHER PART OF YOUR GOOD AT ANOTHER STAGE. THIS LEADS TO UPSET STOMACH, HEARTBURN, DROWSINESS (ESPECIALLY IN THE AFTERNOON) AND CONSTIPATION.

                  4. EXERCISE REGULARLY : THE IDEAL IS ABOUT THIRTY MINUTES A DAY, OR TWO HUNDRED MINUTES PER WEEK. YOU CAN ACHIEVE THIS BY WALKING, RUNNING, SWIMMING, AND / OR USING EXERCISE EQUIPMENT. YOU SHOULD FULLY ARTICULATE EVERY JOINT EVERY DAY.

                   5. WEAR A SEATBELT : RIGHT UP TO AGE THIRTY-FIVE, THE MOST COMMON CAUSE OF PREMATURE DEATH IS TRAFFIC ACCIDENTS.

                 6. DON'T SMOKE : SMOKING IS CORRELATED WITH THIRTY TWO DIFFERENT ILLNESS INCLUDING LUNG CANCER, ESOPHAGEAL CANCER, THROAT CANCER, STOMACH CANCER, HEART DESEASE AND A VARIETY OF OTHER AILMENTS.

                7. DRINK ALCOHOL IN MODERATION : STUDIES SHOW THAT ONE TO TWO GLASSESS OF WINE PER DAY AID DIGESTION AND SEE TO BE BENEFICIAL TO YOUR OVERALL HEALTH. ANYTHING IN EXCESS OF THAT CAN LEAD TO ALL KINDS OF PROBLEMS, INCLUDING OVEREATING, TRAFFIC ACCIDENTS, PERSONALITY PROBLEMS, AND ANTISOCIAL BEHAVIOR.

                  EACH OF THESE SEVEN FACTORS THAT CONTRIBUTE TO LONG LIFE ARE COMPLETELY A MATTER OF SELF-DISCIPLINE. THESE SEVEN FACTORS ARE A MATTER OF CHOICE. THEY ARE ACTIONS THAT YOU CAN CHOOSE TO TAKE OR NOT TAKE DELIBERATELY. THEY ARE COMPLETELY UNDER YOUR CONTROL.

                                THE FIVE PS OF EXCELLENT HEALTH

                    IN MY PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT SEMINARS, WE TEACH THE FIVE "PS" OF EXCELLENT HEALTH;

                       1. PROPER WEIGHT : THIS REQUIRES THE REGULAR EXERCISE OF DISCIPLINE AND WILLPOWER IN ORDER TO ACHIEVE YOUR PROPER WEIGHT AND THEN TO MAINTAIN IT THROUGHOUT YOUR LIFE, BUT THE PAYOFF IS TREMENDOUS. YOU LOOK GOOD, FEEL GOOD, AND GENERALLY FEEL MORE POSITIVE AND IN CONTROL OF YOUR LIFE.

                      2. PROPER DIET : AS BENJAMIN FRANKLIN SAID, "EAT TO LIVE, RATHER THAN LIVE TO EAT". ACCORDING TO STUDIES OF OLYMPIC ATHLETS FROM MORE THAN 120 COUNTRIES, THE THREE FACTORS THEIR DIETS HAVE IN COMMON ARE

                            * LEAN-SOURCE PROTEIN;

                            * A WIDE VARIETY OF FRUITS AND VEGETABLES; AND 

                            * LOTS OF WATER, ABOUT EIGHT GLASSESS PER DAY.

                    WHEN YOU BEGIN THIS "OLYPIC DIET" , YOU WILL FEEL MORE ALERT, AWAKE, AND AWARE ALL DAY LONG.

                       3. PROPER EXERCISE : THE MOST IMPORTANT EXERCISE FOR LONG LIFE IS AEROBIC EXERCISE. THIS REQUIRES THAT YOU GET YOUR HEART RATE UP TO A HIGH LEVEL FOR THIRTY TO SIXTY MINUTES THREE TIMES PER WEEK. YOU CAN ACHIEVE THIS THROUGH BRISK WALKING, RUNNING, CYCLING, SWIMMING, OR CROSS-COUNTRY SKING.

                     EXERCISE PHYSIOLOGISTS HAVE DETERMINED THAT THE "EXERCISE EFFECT" CLICKS IN AT ABOUT TWENTY-FIVE MINUTES OF VIGOROUS EXERCISE. AT THIS POINT, YOUR BRAIN RELEASES ENDORPHINS THAT GIVE YOU A FEELING OF ELATION, OR WHICH IS CALLED A "RUNNER'S HIGH". THIS NATURAL DRUG PRODUCED BY YOUR BODY CAN BECOME ADDICTIVE IN A VERY POSITIVE WAY.

                    PEOPLE WHO DEVELOP THE HABIT OF REGULAR, VIGOROUS EXERCISE FIND THAT IT BECOMES EASIER AND EASIER TO DO. THEY BEGIN TO LOOK FORWARD TO THE FEELING OF HAPPINESS THEY ENJOY AS THE RESULT OF EXERCISING AEROBICALLY.

                   4. PROPER REST : THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT. MORE THAN 60 PERCENT OF ADULTS DO NOT GET ENOUGH SLEEP. THEY ARE SUFFERING FROM WHAT IS CALLED A "SLEEP DEFICIT". THEY GO TO BED A LITTLE BIT TOO LATE, SLEEP POORLY, ARISE A LITTLE BIT TOO EARLY, AND GO THROUGH THE DAY IN A FORM OF "FOG". THIS PHENOMENON OF NOT BEING SUFFICIENTLY RESTED LEADS TO POOR PERFORMANCE, MORE MISTAKES, INDUSTRIAL ACCIDENTS, CAR CRASHES, SHORT TEMPERS, PERSONALITY PROBLEMS, AND MANY OTHER DIFFICULTIES.

                  IF YOU ARE LIVING AND WORKING A NORMAL LIFE, YOU REQUIRE ABOUT EIGHT HOURS OF SLEEP EACH NIGHT. IF YOU GET ONLY SIX OR SEVEN HOURS OF SLEEP WHEN YOU ACTUALLY REQUIRE EIGHT, YOU BEGIN TO BUILD UP THIS SLEEP DEFICIT. BY THURSDAY OR FRIDAY, WHEN YOU GET UP IN THE MORNING, THE FIRST THING YOU THINK OF IS HOW SOON YOU CAN GO BACK TO SLEEP AGAIN THAT NIGHT. WHEN YOU START THINKING ABOUT GOING TO SLEEP AGAIN AT THE MOMENT THAT YOU ARE, YOU KNOW THAT YOU ARE NOT GETTING ENOUGH SLEEP.

              IN ADDITION TO EIGHT HOURS OF SLEEP OR NIGHT, YOU  NEED  REGULAR BREAKS FROM WORK, BOTH WEEKENDS AND VACATIONS. WHEN YOU TAKE TIME OFF FROM WORK, YOU ALLOW YOUR MENTAL AND EMOTIONAL BATTERIES TO RECHARGE. AFTER A TWO - OR THREE - DAY WEEKEND, WHEN  YOU GO BACK TO WORK, YOU WILL BE FULLY RESTED AND READY TO PERFORM AT YOUR BEST.

                 5. PROPER ATTITUDE : THIS IS PERHAPS THE MOST IMPORTANT OF ALL. THE QUALITY THAT IS MOST PRDICTIVE OF HEALTH, HAPPINESS, AND LONG LIFE IS "OPTIMISM". AS YOU BECOME MORE OPTIMISTIC ABOUT YOURSELF AND YOUR LIFE, YOUR HEALTH WILL ALSO BETTER IN EVERY AREA.

                   PEOPLE WHO ARE POSITIVE AND OPTIMISTIC USUALLY HAVE STRONGER IMMUNE SYSTEM, AND AS A RESULT, THEY ARE SELDOM SICK. THEY SELDOM GET COLDS OR FLU. THEY BOUNCE BACK QUICKLY FROM HARD WORK OR FAILURE. AN OPTIMISTIC PERSON HAS A BUILT-IN "TEFLON SHIELD" AGAINST MANY OF THE DISEASES AND AILMENTS THAT AFFECT THE AVERAGE PERSON.