TALK YOURSELF

                                             TALK ABOUT YOURSELF

                  THIS MIGHT SOUND AS IF WE ARE SUGGESTING YOU BECOME A BORE, BUT WE ARE NOT. WE DONT INTEND THAT YOU SHOULD TRY TO DOMINATE EVERY SOCIAL CONVERSATION WITH A LENGTHLY ACCOUNT OF YOUR ACHIEVEMENTS, POSSESIONS AND QUALITIES. THAT KIND TO TALK ABOUT YOURSELF YOU WILL RECOGNISE AS ONE OF THE COMMON OFF-PUTTING BEHAVIOURS. WHAT WE ARE RECOMMENDING YOU TRY IS SELF-DISCLOSURE. THIS MEANS TELLING YOUR POTENTIAL FRIEND SOMETHING ABOUT YOURSELF THAT YOU WOULD NOT NORMALLY SHARE WITH JUST ANYONE. YOU MAY TALK ABOUT SOME PROBLEM OR DIFFICULTY IN YOUR LIFE AND YOUR FEELINGS ASSOCIATE WITH THAT. BUT SELF-DISCLOSURE DOES NOT HAVE TO BE ONLY ABOUT BAD THINGS, YOU MIGHT SHARE SOME PRIVATE, GOOD FEELINGS, AS WELL.

 

                     THE KEY IS THE INTIMATE NATURE OF THE INFORMATION THAT YOU SHARE. YOU ARE TELLING YOUR POTENTIAL FRIEND THAT YOU SEE HIM AS SOMEONE SPECIAL COMPARED TO THE GENERAL POPULATION, BECAUSE YOU ARE TRUSTING HIM WITH THIS INFORMATION THAT YOU WOULD NOT SHARE WITH CASUAL ACQUAINTANCES.  BUT GO SLOWLY.

DR. ARNOLD LAZARUS, AN AMERICAN PSYCHOLOGIST, HAS SAID PEOPLE ARE LIKE ONIONS, MADE UP OF LAYER UPON LAYER..

PEEL YOUR ONION SLOWLY, IN DEVELOPING YOUR RELATIONSHIPS, JUMPING TOO FAST DOWN THE LAYERS IS ANOTHER OFF-PUTTNG BEHAVIOUR, BECAUSE THE OTHER PERSON WON'T BE ,READY TO MATCH YOU YET, SHE MAY SEE YOU AS COMING ON TOO STRONG AND BACK OFF AS A RESULT.

BEWARE OF MIND READING

 PEOPLE ARE FOREVER GUESSING HOW OTHER  PEOPLE THINK AND FEEL. IT'S NOT JUST WE PSYCHOLOGISTS WHO READ MIND, ITS EVERBODY, MIND-READING DOES SEEM TO BE A INIVERSAL BEHAVIOUR AND, IN THAT SENSE, UNAVOIDABLE. THE TRICK IS NOT TO RELY ON IT TOO MUCH. IN LIVING AND LOVING TOGETHER WE SPEND SOME TIME OUTLINING HOW DESTRUCTIVE MIND - READING CAN BE ESPECIALLY IN THE ABSENSE OF CLEAR COMMUNICATION. WHAT RESEARCH HAS FOUND IS THAT THE MORE STRAIN THERE IS IN A RELATIONSHIP, THE MORE UNREALISTICALLY NEGATIVE THE PARTNERS MIND-READING BECOMES. EACH WILL ASSUME THE OTHER FEELS AND INTENDS WORSE THAN IS REALLY TRUE.

ASK YOURSELF

                                                          ASK YOURSELF

     * AM I CONFIDENT ABOUT YOURSELF?

     * DO I COMMUNICATE EFFECTIVELY WITH PEOPLE?

     * DO I STAY CALM, EVEN IN STRESSFUL SITUATIONS?

     * DO I REMAIN ALERT TO OPPORUNITIES AND DEVELOPMENTS AROUND ME?

     * DO I TRY TO FORGET OLD ATTITUDES AND APPROACHES?

     * DO I MAKE THE BEST OF BAD SITUATION?

     * DO I LISTEN TO MY INTUITION?

     * DO I TRY TO STRENGTHEN MY INTUITIVE ABILITIES?

     * DO I GROW AND STRENGHTEN MY NETWORK OF FRIENDS AND ACQUAINTANCES?

     * DO I MAKE AN EFFORT TO BE NICE TO OTHERS?

     * AM I GENEROUS TO OTHERS?

     *AM I WILLING TO TAKE CALCULATED RISKS?

     * DO I CUT LOSSES AND QUIT WHEN NEEDED?

     * DO I LEARN FROM MYSELF?

     * DO I STAY INFORMED?

     * DO I PICK UP IDEAS AND ABSORB THEM FOR FUTURE USE?

     * DO I HAVE A POSITIVE ATTITUDE TO LIFE?

     * DO I PERSEVERE IN THE FACE OF FAILURE?

     * DO I AVOID GETTING AFFECTED WHEN OTHERS CRITICIZE ME?

     * DO I SEEK OPPORTUNITIES TO GET PAID FOR MY PASSION?

     * DO I PREPARE FOR SITUATION IN ADVANCE?

     * DO I USUALLY ORGANIZE, PLAN AND PRIORIZE?

     * DO I LEVERAGE MY STRENGTHS AND POTENCIAL?

     * AM I OPEN AND WILLING TO TRY NEW THINGS?

                      IF YOU ANSWERED YES TO MOST OF THESE QUESTIONS, THE CHANCES ARE THAT YOU HAVE A HIGH LQ. IN EFFECT, ANYONE CAN BE LUCKY. THE AMERICAN POLITICIAN WILLIAM JENNINGS BRYAN SAID, DESTINY OS NOT A MATTER OF CHANCE, IT IS A THING TO BE ACHIEVED. IN SIMILAR VEIN, SHAKESPEARE SAID, MEN ARE AT SOME TIME MASTERS OF THEIR FATES. THE FAULT, DEAR BRUTUS, IS NOT IN OUR STARS, BUT IN OURSELVES....

INFORMATION

                                                            INFORMATION

                        THE POWER OF INFORMATION IS OFTEN UNDERVALUED. SIMPLY STAYING INFORMED INCREASES THE CHANGES OF OPPORTUNITIES COMING TO OUR ATTENTION. THE VALUE OF INFORMATION IS BEST ILLUSTRATED BY A STORY FROM DHIRUBHAI AMBANI'S  LIFE.

                        IT IS WELL- KNOWN THAT DHIRUBHAI GATHERED INFORMATION FROM  ANY AND EVERY SOURCE- INFORMATION ABOUT GOVERNMENTS, POLICIES, PRODUCT, COMPETITORS, EMPOYEES, POLITICS AND LOT MORE.

                     A CANDIDATE ATTENDED A PERSONAL INTERVIEW WITH DHIRUBHAI FOR A SENIOR POSITION IN RELIANCE, BUT HE HAD OTHER OFFERS TOO. RELIANCE WAS NOT HIS FIRST CHOICE. AT THE INTERVIEW, DHRUBHAI CASUALLY ASKED, HOW IS YOUR FATHERS HEALTH?

                     APPARENTLY, THE YOUNG MAN'S FATHER A SENIOR PROFESSOR AND RESEARCH SCHOLAR, HAD UNDERGONE A BYPASS SURGERY FOLLOWING A HEART ATTACK A FEW DAYS AGO.

                      DHIRUBHAI'S INFORMATION NETWORK AND ALREADY BRIEFED HIM OF THE DEVELOPERS, MUCH TO THE CANDIDATE'S SURPRISE. NEED I SAY THAT THE CANDIDATE TOOK THE RELIANCE OFFER? INFORMATION HAD MET OPPORTUNITY.

                    CONSIDER YET ANOTHER MUCH OLDER EXAMPLE FROM INDIA'S BUSINESS HISTORY.

                IN 1861, THE US CIVIL WAR BROKE OUT. UNTIL THEN THE COTTON MILLS OF ENGLAND SOURCED ONLY TWENTY PERCENT OF THEIR RAW MATERIAL REQUIREMENT FROM INDIA, WITH THEIR MAJOR SUPPLY COMING FROM AMERICA. AS A RESULT OF THE WAR, THE DEMAND FOR INDIA COTTON SHOT THROUGH THE ROOF. THE GREATEST COTTON SPECULATOR OF THE TIMES WAS PREMCHAND ROYCHAND. DURING THAT AGE WHEN NO TELEGRAGH LINE EXISTED BETWEEN INDIA AND EUROPE, THE IMPERFECT FLOW CREATED A TERRIFIC OPPORTUNITY MIND YOU, THE OPPORTUNITY WAS AVAILABLE TO ALL, BUT IT WAS ONLY ROYCHAND WHO WAS ABLE TO EXPLOIT IT SO VERY EFFECTIVELY.

             IN THOSE DAYS, LOCAL COTTON PRICE IN MUMBAI WOULD CHANGE TO REFLECT INTERNATIONAL PRICES ONLY AFTER ENGLISH SHIPS DOCKED AND SAILORS CAME ASHORE WITH THE LATEST PRICE INFORMATION.

              ROYCHAND WOULD SEND HIS AGENTS OUT ON BOATS TO MEET THE ENGLISH SHIPS COMING TO MUMBAI, THEIR PRIMARY TASK? TO LEARN AND CONVEY TO HIM THE LATEST LONDON COTTON PRICES BEFORE THE SHIPS DOCKED AT PORT. 

             ROYCHAND'S ADVANCE TEAM GAVE HIM A HEAD START OVER ALL THE OTHER COTTON TRADERS, ROYCHAND WOULD TAKE MASSIVE POSITIONS IN THE MARKET BEFORE ANYONE ELSE KNEW WHERE PRICES WERE HEADED. OBVIOULY, ROYCHAND REAPED ENORMOUS PROFITS FROM THE COTTON BOOM.

EXERCISE

                                           YOUR EXERCISE PROGRAMME

           

                     

THE MAIN AIM OF YOUR FIRST EIGHT WEEKS IS TO BUILD UP MUSCLES TISSUE. THIS IS MOST IMPORTANT FOR THOSE WHO HAVEN'T DONE MUCH EXERCISE FOR A WHILE, SINCE YOUR MUSCLES AND THE BLOOD VESSELS SUPPLYING THEM, WILL LITERALLY HAVE SHRUNK. THEY CANNOT DO MUCH WORK, AS YOU MAY HAVE SOMETIMES NOTICED.NOW YOU ARE GOING TO REBUILD YOUR MUSCLES, AND THEIR BLOOD SUPPLY SO THAT THEY ARE READY FOR THE LATER STAGE OF THE PROGRAMME. EACH 10- MINITES WORKOUT IS DIVEDED INTO YOUR BODY GET BOOST

1. HIGH REACHES

REACH AS HIGH AS YOU CAN WITH ONE HAND, DIRECTLY OVER YOUR HEAD. LET YOUR ARM DROP, AND REACH UP WITH THE OTHER HAND.

2. BODY TWISTS

EXTEND YOUR ARMS OUT SIDEWAYS, AND THEN TWIST YOUR TRUNK AS FAR AROUND AS IT WILL GO, THEN TWIST BACK THE OTHER WAY

3. PULL DOWNS

BEND OVER, GRASP YOUR LEGS BEHIND THE KNEES, AND PULL YOUR SHOULDERS GENTLY TOWARDS YOUR KNEES, DONT FORCE YOURSELF

4. HEAD TURNS

TURN YOUR HEAD TO THE LEFT, OVER YOUR SHOULDERS, AND PUT YOUR LEFT HAND ON THE RIGHT SIDE OF YOUR CHIN, AND YOUR RIGHT HAND ON THE BACK OR YOUR HEAD. GENTLY TURN YOUR HEAD A LITTLE FURTHER THAN IT WILL GO BY ITSELF. NOW THE OTHER WAY.

ALERTNESS

                                                                ALERTNESS

                      LET ME START THIS SECTION WITH A SMALL BUT WITTY STORY ABOUT THE GREAT SCIENTIST SI ISAAC NEWTON. 

                    NEWTON ONCE INVITED A FRIEND TO DINNER AND THEN FORGOT ABOUT IT. WHEN THE FRIEND ARRIVED, HE FOUND THE SCIENTIST DEEP IN MEDITATION.

                    KNOWING THAY THE SCIENTIST SHOULD NOT BE DISTURBED WHILE IN CONTEMPLATION THE FRIEND SAT DOWN QUITELY AND WAITED. SOMETIMES LATER DINNER FOR ONE WAS BROUGHT ON A TRAY. HOWEVER, NEWTON CONTINUED TO REMAIN IN MEDITATION, PULLING UP A CHAIR AND WITHOUT DISTURBING NEWTON, THE FRIEND SILENTLY ATE THE DINNER. LATER, NEWTON CAME OUT OF HIS CONTEMPLATIVE STATE, LOOKED WITH SIME CONFUSION AT THE EMPTY DISHES AND SAID IF IT WEREN'T FOR THE PROOF BEFORE MY EYES, I COULD HAVE SWORN THAT I HAD NOT YET DINED.

MOST LUCKY PEOPLE HAVE UNERSTOOD THAT CALMING THE MIND IS A KEY METHOD TO INCREASE ALTERNESS, MANY YEARS AGO I VISITED IGATPURI TO ATTEND A VIPASSANA MEDITATION CAMP. THE COURSE PARTICIPANTS HAD TO MEDITATE FOR OVER TEN HOURS DAILY AND MAINTAIN COMPLETE SILENCE THROUGHUOT THE TEN DAY STAY. IN THE EVENING WE WOULD HEAR VIDEOTAPED LECTURES BY SHRI S.N. GOENKA , THE FOUNDER OF THE MOVEMENT. IT WAS POSSIBLY THE ONLY HUMAN VOICE WE HEARD DURING OUR ENTIRE STAY. ONE OF HIS LECTURES WAS ABOUT TAMING A WILD ELEPHANT. 

THE METHOD USED TO TAME WILD ELEPHANT IN ANCIENT TIMES WAS TO TIE THE CAPTURED BEAST TO A FIRM POST WITH A STRONG ROPE. THE UNHAPPY ANIMAL WOULD SCREAM, STAMP AND THROW A FIT, USUALLY FOR SEVERAL DAYS. EVENTUALLY THE ELEPHANT WOULD REALIZE THAT IT COULD NOT ESCAPE. AT THIS POINT IT WOULD SETTLE DOWN. THE TRAINER COULD NOW BEGIN TO FEED AND HANDLE IT WITH SOME MEASURE OF SAFETY.

AFTER SOME TIME, THE TRAINER WOULD BE ABLE TO DISPENSE WITH THE ROPE AND POST ENTIRELY.

ACCORDING TO PROPONENTS OF VIPASSANA, THE HUMAN MIND IS LIKE A WILD ELEPHANT, MINDFULNESS IS THE ROPE. AND MEDITATION IS THE FIXED POST.

MEDITATION AND MINDFULLNESS CAN TAME THE MIND, MUCH LIKE THE POST AND ROPE CAN TAME THE BEAST.

CAUSING RIPPLE

                                                     CAUSING RIPPLE

C - CONFIDENT

A - ALERTNESS

U -  UNLEARN

S - SITUATIONS

I - INTUITION

N - NETWORK

G - GOODNESS

R - RISKS

I - INFORMATION

P - POSITIVITY

P - PASSION

L - LEVERAGE

E - EXPERIMENT

* CONFIDENT - LUCKY PEOPLE DEVELOP THEIR CONFIDENT AND COMMUNICATE

* ALERTNESS - LUCKY PEOPLE FIND WAYS TO REMAIN CALM AND THUS ALERT

* UNLEARN - LUCKY PEOPLE UNLERN OLD ATTITUDES AND APPROACHES

* SITUATIONS - LUCKY PEOPLE MAKE THE BEST OF BAD SITUATIONS

* INTUITION - LUCKY PEOPLE LISTEN TO THEIR INTUITION AND DEVELOPE IT

* NETWORK - LUCKY PEOPLE GROW AND STRENGTHEN THEIR NETWORK

* GOODNESS - LUCKY PEOPLE UNDERSTAND THE POWER OF GOODNESS

* RISKS - LUCKY PEOPLE TAKE CALCULATED RISKS, CUT LOSSES, AND LEARN FROM MISTAKES

* INFORMATION - LUCKY PEOPLES STAY INFORMED AND THUS ABSORB NEW IDEAS

* POSITIVITY - LUCKY PROPLES STAY POSITIVE, PERSEVERE AND CULTIVATE A THICK SKIN

* PASSION - LUCKY PEOPLES SEEK WAY TO GET PAID FOR THEIR PASSION

* LEVERAGE - LUCKY PEOPLE LEVERAGE PREPARATION, PLANNING AND POTENTIAL

* EXPERIMENT - LUCKY PEOPLE ARE WILLING TO TRY NEW THINGS

                   THESE THIRTEEN ATTITUDES AND APPROACHES ARE BY NO MEANS EXHAUSIVE. HOWEVER, I BELIEVE THEY ARE THE MOST COMMON TRAITS OF PEOPLE WHO EVENTUALLY SUCCEED IN GETTING LUCKY. WHEN WE EXAMINE THE LIVES OF LUCKY PEOPLE WE MAY ASK, HE IS NOT A NICE PERSON. HOW HAS SHE BEEN ABLE TO GET ANYTHING DONE.?

                   JUST AS A STUDENT CAN COMPENSATE FOR A WEAK SUBJECT WITH A STRONG ONE THE SAME PRINCIPLES ALSO APPLIES TO LUCK. THE NEXT CHAPTER WILL EXPLAIN HOW VARIOUS ATTRIBUTES ADD UP TO A COMPOSITE SCORE, SOMETHING THAT I REFER TO AS ' THE LUCK QUOTIENT'.

BE CONFIDENT

                                                     CONFIDENT

                AWKWARD AND SHY DURING MY TEENAGE YEARS AND ALWAYS OVERWEIGHT. I REMEMBER ATTENDING PARTIES WITH THE NAGGING FEAR OF NOT KNOWING ANYONE, OF HAVING TO SIT ALONE IN A CORNER NURSING A DRINK. I INEVITABLY ENDED UP DONE PRECISELY THAT. 

              DURING MY LAST FEW YEAR IN SCHOOL, SOME TEACHERS FORCED ME INTO ELOCUTION, DEBATES AND DRAMATICS. THROUGH I WAS INITIALLY NERVOUS, MY SELF- CONFIDENT INCREASED WITH EVERY SUCCESSIVE COMPETITION. I EVENTUALLY REACHED A STAGE WHERE I ACTIVELY SOUGHT OPPORTUNITIES TO SPEAK A STAGE ( AND HAD TO BE GENTLY REMINDED TO SHUT UP).

          SO WHAT IS THE SOLUTION TO ACQUIRING CONFIDENT?  ITS SIMPLE. CONQUER FEAR.

           OVERCOMING FEAR- OF ANY SORT- ALLOWS ONE TO OPEN UP TO THE FLOW OF OPPORTUNITIES. BERTRAND RUSSEL, THE BRITISH PHILOSOPHER AND MATHEMATICIAN, OBSERVED, 'TO CONQUER FEAR IS THE BEGINNING OF WISDOM'.

             CITING THE WORK OF PSYCHOLOGIST DANIEL GILBERT AND TIMOTHY WILSON, SCHWALBE EXPLAINS 'THE IMPACT BIAS'. THE IMPACT BIAS IS OUR TENDENCY TO GREATLY OVERESTIMATE THE INTENSITY AND EXTENT OF OUR EMOTIONAL REACTIONS. THE NET RESULT OF THIS BIAS? WE EXPECT FAILURES TO BE MORE POWERFUL THAN THEY ACTUALLY ARE, SO WE FEAR THEM MORE THAN WE NEED TO.COSIDER LEGENDARY INVESTOR WARREN BUFFET WHO HAD A FEAR OF PUBLIC SPEAKING.

          BILLIONAIRE INVESTOR WARREN BUFFET WAS PETRIFIED OF PUBLIC SPEAKING. HE WOULD PICK HIS COLLEGE CLASSES CAREFULLY TO ENSURE THAT HE WOULD NOT HAVE TO ADDRESS THE CLASS.

         BUFFET JOINED A PUBLIC SPEAKING COURSE BUT NEVER ATTENDED ANY OF THE SESSIONS, I' LOST MY NERVE' HE SAID IN AN INTERVIEW LATER. 

                  HE WAS NOT ALONE. COUNTLESS FAMOUS PEOPLE INCLUDING  BRUCE WILLIS, TIGER WOODS, JULIA ROBERST, ANTHONY QUINE , JIMMY STEWART HAD ISSUES WITH PUBLIC SPEAKING. AT TWENTY - ONE , BUFFET STARTED HIS INVESTMENT CAREER AND REALIZED THAT HE SIMPLY HAD TO OVERCOME HIS FEAR OF PUBLIC SPEAKING.

                    BUFFET SIGNED UP FOR A DALE CARNEGIE COURSE WITH MANY  LIKE WHO WERE SCARED OF GETTING UP AND SAYING OUR NAMES. FAST FORWARD TO THE ANNUAL MEETING OF BERKSHIRE HATHAWAY'S SHAREHOLDERS. EACH YEAR MORE THAN 35000 SHAREHOLDERS DESCEND UPON OMAHA. IT IS BUT OBVIOUS THAT BUFFET IS THE STAR ATTRACTION. BUFFET NOT ONLY SPEAKS, BUT MANAGES TO SING, DANCE AND POSE FOR PHOTOGRAPES!