FORGIVENESS, FAMILY, AFFIRMATION

 

                                                                FAMILY

                            OUR JOURNEY OF SELFLESSNESS FROM AN ICE CREAM TO A CANDLE MUST START SOMEWHERE. OFTEN, PEOPLE CAN DISPLY SELFLESSNESS OUTSIDE THEIR HOME. PEOPLE MAY HELP OUT IN THEIR COMMUNITY, OR AT TEMPLES OR SCHOOLS, AND SOME MAY EVEN MAKE SURE THAT THEY GET A SELFIE TO ANNOUNCE TO THE WORLD THAT THEY HAVE HELPED. BUT AT HOME, THEY MAY NOT EXPRESS THE SAME SERVICE MENTALITY. I BELIEVE THAT SELFLESSNESS STARTS AT HOME, WITH THE ONES WE LOVE THE MOST. ARE WE DOING WHAT WE CAN TO HELP THEM? ARE WE THERE FOR THEM TO HELP THEM PHYSICALLY AS WELL AS EMOTIONALLY? RELATIONSHIPS AT HOME CAN WORK WELL ONLY IF ALL PARTIES HAVE LOW EXPECTATIONS OF EACH OTHER, BUT HIGHG EXPECTATIONS OF THEMSELVES OF EACH OTHER, BUT HIGH EXPECTATIONS OF THEMSELVES TO HELP THE OTHER.

                AT THIS MOMENT, HARRY WAS AN EXAMPLE OF SERVING THE ONE YOU LOVE. ANOTHER THOUGHT THE CAME TO MY MIND WAS OF LATA KHATE, WHOSE STORY OF SACRIFICE FOR HER HUSBAND DEEPLY TOUCHED MY HEART.

                                                      RUNNING MARATHONS

                 LATA BHAGAVAN KHARE WAS A SIXTY-FIVE-YEAR RESIDENT OF A SMALL VILLAGE LOCATED IN THE BUDHANA OF MAHARASHTRA. HER LIFE WAS SIMPLE. SHE AND HER HUSBAND WOULD GO DAILY TO A LANDOWNER'S FAM AND MAKE JUST ENOUGH TO SURVIVE, THEIR HOURSE WE SMALL, BUT THE FOOD THEY GOD FROM THE FARM FILLED THEIR STOMACHS.

              THE SMALL AMOUNT OF MONEY THEY HAD SAVED THOUGHOUT THEIR LIVES WAS SPENT ON GETTING THEIR THREE DAUGHTER MARRIED. NOW THAT THEIR RESPONSIBILITIES WERE COMPLETE,  THEY ENJOYED THE SIMPLE PLEASURES OF LIFE AND EACH OTHER'S COMPANY THEY WERE INSEPERABLE AND UNDERSTOOD EACH OTHER COMPLETELY. THEIR RELATIONSHIP WAS A TESTAMENT OF THE PRINCIPLE THAT YOU DID NOT NEED LUXURY TO BE HAPPY.

           SUMMARY :

              * ON ONE LEVEL, WE PRACTISE SELFLESSNESS IN HELPING OUR FAMILY. OUR DAY-TO -DAY SACRIFICES TO  MAINTAIN OUR FAMILY RELATIONS ARE ACTS OF SELFLESSNESS. WE DO NOT NECESSARILY HAVE TO RUN MARATHONS LIKE LATA KHARE TO DISPLAY OUR DEVOTION TO THOSE WE LOVE.

              * OUR CIRCLE OF SELFLESSNESS SHOULD NOT END WITH OUR FAMILY. WE SHOULD HELP THOSE OUTSIDE OF OUR IMMEDIATE CARE AND AFFECTION TOO.

                                                           FORGIVENESS 

 

                      1. IDENTIFY THE CAUSE

              THINK OF A PERSON YOU WANT TO FORGIVE , AND WHAT YOU WANT TO FORGIVE THEM FOR.

              NOW SIT BACK AND RELAX. BREATHE IN, HOLD YOUR BREATHE FOR A FEW SECONDS, AND BREATHE OUT. THIS EXERCISE MAY RELEASE A LOT OF EMOTION- LET IT ALL COME NATURALLY.

                          2. LOOK AT THE SITUATION FROM THE OTHER 

                                              PERSON'S PERSPECTIVE

             PUT YOURSELF IN THE OTHER PERSON'S SHOES. TRY TO THINK ABOUT THE SITUATION AND UNDERSTOOD WHY THEY HAVE TREATED YOU IN THIS WAY. IT IS IMPORTANT TO UNDERSTAND THE INTENTION OF THE PERSON AND WHY THEY MAY HAVE ACTED IN THE WAY THEY DID TOWARDS YOU. WHEN WE UNDERSTAND THE REASON WHY THE PERSON MAY HAVE ACTED IN THAT WAY, IT MAY MAKE IT EASIER FOR US TO FORGIVE.

               3. CONFIRM THE OTHER PERSON'S THOUGHTS

 

                 TO CONFIRM WHAT THE PERSON'S THOUGHTS WERE WHEN THEY ACTED TOWARDS YOU IN A CERTAIN WAY, YOU MAY DO ONE OF THE FOLLOWING THINGS.

                  A) APPROACH THE PERSON DIRECTLY. USE TACT TO UNDERSTAND THEIR THOUGHT PROCESS. A NORMAL CONVERSATION MAY HELP REVEAL WHY THEY ACTED THE WAY THEY DID. NOTE: YOU DO NOT WANT TO GO INTO THIS MEETING WITH AN ACCUSATORY ATTITUDE, AS IT MAY BACKFIRE IF THINGS GET EMOTIONAL.

                 B) TALK TO SOMEONE WHO CAN HELP YOU UNDERSTAND THAT PERSON'S FRIEND OF THAT PERSON.

                C) IF A AND B ARE NOT POSSIBLE, THEN WAIT UNTIL MORE UNFOLDS. LET TIME REVEAL MORE.

                 4. FORESEE DIFFICULTIES THAT MAY ARISE, 

                                           BUT ALSO TRY TO                      

              SEE THE BENEFITS OF FORGIVING THIS PERSON

                    WHEN TRYING TO FORGIVE SOMEONE, THERE MAY BE SITUATIONS AND EMOTIONS THAT MAY REPLAY IN YOUR MIND AND MAKE IT DIFFICULT TO COMPLETELY LET GO.

                   YOU MAY BE FEELING HURT, ANGER, INJUSTICE, WHATEVER IT IS, WRITE IT DOWN BELOW.'

                   COUNTERACT THE FEELINGS OF HURT, WITH THE BENEFITS OF LETTING THAT FEELING GO.

                      5. REMEMBER ALL THE GOOD THINGS THAT PERSON HAS                                    DONE FOR YOU

                      RECALLING ALL THE GOOD THINGS THE PERSON HAS DONE FOR YOU WILL HELP YOU ON YOUR JOURNEY IN FORGIVING THEM.

                     6. THINKOF HOW YOU WANT TO LIVE AFTER FORGIVING

 

                    * FORGIVE AND FORGET. (THEREFORE TRUST THE PERSON AGAIN)

                   * FORGIVE, MONITOR AND THEN TRUST. (LOOK TO SEE IF THE PERSON) HAS IMPROVED THEIR BEHAVIOUR BEFORE TRUSTING THEM AGAIN)

                  * FORGIVE AND NOT TRUST. (YOU CAN FORGIVE THE PERSON BUT DECIDE TO NO LOGER HAVE A TRUSTING RELATIONSHIP WITH THEM)

                * FORGIVE AND TAKE AGAIN. (YOU MAY FORGIVE THE PERSON AND NEED TO TAKE ACTION, EITHER LEGAL OR PRACTICAL. EXAMPLE YOU MAY FORGIVE YOUR SPOUSE FOR CHEATING YOU, BUT YOU MAY STILL DECIDE TO LIVE SEPARATE LIVES)

                  IN THE SPACE BELOW, WRITE HOW YOU WANT TO LIVE AFTER FORGIVING THE PERSON AND WHY YOU WANT TO LIVE IN THIS WAY.

                           7. LOOK AT YOUR FORGIVENESS AFFIRMATION

                YOU SHOUE HAVE NOTED:

               * THE PERSON YOU WANT TO FORGIVE, AND WHAT YOU WANT TO FORGIVE THEM FOR.

           

              * THE SITUATION FROM THE OTHER PERSON'S PERSPECTIVE (IN YOUR OPINION)

              * CONFIRM THE OTHER PERSON'S INTENTION TOWARD YOU.

             * ANY DIFFICULTIES THAT MAY ARISE IN TRYING TO FORGIVE THE PERSON.

            * ALL THE GOOD THINGS THAT THE PERSON HAS DONE FOR YOU.

           * WHETHER YOU WANT TO FORGIVE AND FORGET, FORGIVE AND NOT TRUST, FORGIVE, MONITOR ADN THEN TRUST, OR FORGIVE AND TAKE ACTION.

                           CAN YOU TURN YOUR PASSION INTO PURPOSE?

                 THE HAPPIEST PEOPLE ARE THOSE HELPING OTHER. DOES THIS PASSION HELP YOU CONTRIBUTE TO THE WORLD? YOUR PASSION IS FOR YOU, BUT ONCE YOU FIGURE OUT HOW TO USE IT SERVE OTHERS, IT BECOMES YOUR PURPOSE.

                 YOU CAN TURN YOUR PASSION INTO YOUR PURPOSE BY USING ONE OF THE THREE R'S.

                  RELEVANCE : IS YOUR PASSION DIRECTLY RELEVANT TO HELPING OTHER? FOR EXAMPLE, BEING A TEACHER CAN BE A REWARDING PROFESSION: YOU CAN EARN A LIVING, WHILST STIMULTANEOUSLY ENRICHING YOUNG MINDS.

               RESOURCES : DOES YOUR SITUATION ALLOW YOU TO USE ITS BENEFITS TO HELP OTHERS? THIS COULD BE YOUR STATUS TO INFLUENCE CHANGE, YOU MONEY TO HELP WITH PHILANTHROPY OR YOUR NETWORK TO CHANGE HEARTS.

              REMAINDER OF YOUR TIME; YOUR SITUATION MAY GIVE YOU FLEXIBILITY, TO HAVE THE TIME TO CARRY OUT WHAT YOU'RE PASSIONATE ABOUT OUTSIDE OF YOUR DAY-TO-DAY WORK. THERE ARE MANY PEOPLE WHO WORK ALL AT THE OFFICE, BUT COME ALIVE SERVING THE HOMELESS AFTER WARDS.

            I SHOULD STRESS THAT PURPOSE DOES NOT MEAN A GRAND STATEMENT TO CHANGE THE WORLD'. IT COULD MEAN HAVING GRAND INTENTIONS TO CHANGE THE WORLD IN A SMALL WAY. THAT SMALL CONTRIBUTIONS MAY FEED INTO A LARGER NETWORK OF PEOPLE WORKING TOGETHER TO HELP. FOR EXAMPLE, IF YOU WANT TO HELP THE HOMELESS, CAN YOU CONNECT WITH AN ORGANIZATION OR GROUP THAT RESONATES WITH YOU?

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