HOW OUR EMOTIONAL FEELINGS ARE WORK

 

                             FEELING (EMOTIONAL)

                                         HEART START

                            THE IMPACT OF PARENTING ON EMOTIONAL COMPETENCE STARTS IN THE CRADLE. DR. T. BERRY BRAZELTON, THE EMINENT, HARVARD PEDEATRICIAN, HAS A SIMPLE DIAGNOSTIC TEST OF A BABY'S BASIC OUTLOOK TOWARD LIFE. HE OFFERS TWO BLOCKS TO AN EIGHT-MONTH-OLD , AND THEN SHOWS THE BABY HOW HE WANS HER TO PUT THE TWO BLOCKS TOGETHER. A BABY WHO IS HOPEFUL ABOUT LIFE, WHO HAS CONFIDENCE IN HER OWN ABILITIES, SAYS BRAZELTON,

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                             WILL PICK UP ONE BLOCK, MOUTH IT, RUB IT IN HER HAIR, DROP IT OVER THE SIDE OF THE TABLE, WATCHING TO SEE WHETHER YOU WILL RETRIEVE IT FOR HER. WHEN YOU DO, SHE FINALLY COMPLETES TEH REQUESTED TASK - PLACE THE TWO BLOCKS TOGETHER. THEN SHE LOOKS UP AT YOU WITH A BRIGHT-EYED LOOK OF EXPECTANCY THAT SAYS, "TELL ME HOW GREAT I AM".

                              BABIES LIKE THESE HAVE GOTTEN A GOODLY DOSE OF APPROVAL AND ENCOURAGEMENT FROM THE ADULTS IN THEIR LIVES, THEY EXPECT TO SUCCEED IN LIFE'S LITTLE CHALLENGES. BY CONTRAST, BABIES WHO COME FROM HOMES TOO BLEAK, CHAOTIC, OR NEGLECTFUL GO ABOUT THE SAME TASK IN A WAY THAT SIGNALS THEY ALREADY EXPECT TO FAIL. IT IS NOT THAT THESE BABIES FAIL TO BRING THE BLOCKS TOGETHER, THEY UNDERSTAND THE INSTRUCTION AND HAVE THE COORDINATION TO COMPLY. BUT EVEN WHEN THEY DO, REPORTS BRAZELTON, THEIR DEMEANOR IS "HANGDOG" A LOOK THAT SAYS, I'M NO GOOD. SEE, I'VE FAILED, "SUCH CHILDREN ARE LIKELY TO GO THROUGH LIFE WITH A DEFEATIST OUTLOOK, EXPECTING NO ENCOURAGEMENT OR INTEREST FROM TEACHERS, FINDING SCHOOL JOYLESS, PERHAPS EVENTUALLY DROPPING OUT.

                         THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THE TWO OUTLOOKS - CHILDREN WHO ARE CONFIDENT AND OPTIMSTIC VERSUS THOSE WHO EXPECT TO FAIL- STARTS TO TAKE SHAPE IN THE FIRST FEW YEARS OF LIFE. PARENTS, SAYS BRAZELTON, "NEED TO UNDERSTAND HOW THEIR ACTIONS CAN HELP GENERATE THE CONFIDENCE, THE CURIOSITY, THE  PLEASURE IN LEARNING AND THE UNDERSTANDING OF LIMITS " THAT HELP CHILDREN SUCCEED IN LIFE. HIS ADVICE IS INFORMED BY A GROWING BODY OF EVIDENCE SHOWING THAT SUCCESS IN SCHOOL DEPENDS TO A SURPRISING EXTENT ON EMOTIONAL CHARACTERISTICS FORMED IN THE YEARS BEFORE A CHILD ENTERS SCHOOL. THE ABILITY OF FOUR-YEARS-OLDS TO CONTROL THE IMPULSE TO GRAB FOR A MARSHMALLOW PREDICTED A 210 POINT ADVANTAGE IN THEIR SAT SCORES FOURTEEN YEARS LATER.

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                         THE FIRST OPPORTUNITY FOR SHAPING THE INGREDIENTS OF EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE IS IN THE EARLIEST YEARS, THOUGH THESE CAPACITIES CONTINUE TO FORM THROUGHOUT THE SCHOOL YEARS. THE EMOTIONAL ABILITIES CHILDREN ACQUIRE IN LATER LIFE BUILD ON THOSE OF THE EARLIEST YEARS. AND THESE ABILITIES, AS WE SAW IN CHAPTER 6, ARE THE ESSETIAL FOUNDATION FOR ALL LEARNING. A REPORT FROM THE NATIONAL CENTER FOR CLINICAL INFANT PROGRAMS MAKES THE POINT THAT SCHOOL SUCCESS IS NOT PREDICTED BY A CHILD'S FUND OF FACTS OR A PRECOCIOUS  ABILITY TO READ SO MUCH AS BY EMOTIONAL AND SOCIAL MEASURES, BEING SELF-ASSURED AND INTERESTED, KNOWING WHAT KIND OF BEHAVIOR IS EXPECTED AND HOW TO REIN IN THE IMPULSE TO MISBEHAVE, BEING ABLE TO WAIT, TO FOLLOW DIRECTIONS, AND TO TURN TO TEACHERS FOR HELP., AND EXPRESSING NEEDS WHILE GETTING ALONE WITH OTHER CHILDREN.

                                 ALMOST ALL STUDENTS WHO DO POORLY IN SCHOOL, SAYS THE REPORT, LACK ONE OR MORE OF THESE ELEMENTS OF EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE (REGARDLESS OF WHETHER  THEY ALSO HAVE COGNITIVE DIFFICULTIES SUCH AS LEARNING DISABILITIES) THE MAGNITUDE OF THE PROBLEM IS NOT MINOR, IN SOME STATES CLOSE TO ONE IN FIVE CHILDREN HAVE TO REPEAT FIRST GRADE, AND THEN AS THE YEARS GO ON FALL FURTHER BEHIND THEIR PEERS, BECOMING INCREASINGLY DISCOURAGED, RESENTFUL AND DISRUPTIVE.

                          A CHILD'S READINESS FOR SCHOOL DEPENDS ON THE MOST BASIC OF ALL KNOWLEDGE, HOW TO LEARN. THE REPORT LISTS THE SEVEN KEY INGREDIENTS OF THIS CRUCIAL CAPACITY - ALL RELATED TO EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE.

                            👀 1. CONFIDENCE : A SENSE OF CONTROL AND MASTERY OF ONE'S BODY, BEHAVIOR AND WORLD, THE CHILD'S SENSE THAT HE IS MORE LIKELY NOT TO SUCCEED AT WHAT HE UNDERTAKES, AND THAT ADULTS WILL BE HELPFUL.

                           👀 2. CURIOSITY : THE SENSE THAT FINDING OUT ABOUT THINGS IS POSITIVE AND LEADS TO PLEASURE.

                        👀   3. INTENTIONALLY : THE WISH AND CAPACITY TO HAVE AN IMPACT, AND TO ACT UPON THAT WITH PERSISTENCE. THIS IS RELATED TO A SENSE OF COMPETENCE, OF BEING EFFECTIVE.

                        👀    4. SELF-CONTROL : THE ABILITY TO MODULATE AND CONTROL ONE'S OWN ACTIONS IN AGE-APPROPRIATE WAYS, A SENSE OF INNER CONTROL.

                       👀    5. RELATEDNESS : THE ABILITY TO ENGAGE WITH OTHERS BASED ON THE SENSE OF BEING UNDERSTOOD BY A UNDERSTANDING OTHERS.

                       👀     6. CAPACITY TO COMMUNICATE : THE WISH AND ABILITY TO VERBALLY EXHANGE IDEAS, FEELINGS, AND CONCEPTS WITH OTHERS. THIS IS RELATED TO SENSE OF TRUST IN OTHERS AND OF PLEASURE IN ENGAGING WITH OTHERS, INCLUDING ADULTS.

                        👀  7. CO OPERATIVENESS : THE ABILITY TO BALANCE ONE'S OWN NEEDS WITH THOSE OF OTHERS IN GROUP ACTIVITY.

                               WHETHER OR NOT A CHILD ARRIVES AT SCHOOL ON THE FIRST DAY OF KINDERGARTEN WITH THESE CAPABILITIES DEPENDS GREATLY ON HOW MUCH HER PARENTS - AND PRESCHOOL TEACHERS - HAVE GIVEN HER THE KIND OF CARE THAT AMOUNTS TO A "HEART START", THE EMOTIONAL EQUIVALENT OF THE HEAD START PROGRAMS.